New school year / new start....

[elsieandthepooch]

DD is about to start Y1. She is very excited and we are hoping after her reception year this will be a fresh start for her.

DD's school is 2 form and the school decided to mix both of the reception classes for Y1.

Throughout reception DD had difficulties with another girl in her class. The other little girl formed a very intense attachment to DD. DD, as a result, found it hard to be able to breakaway and form other friendships. DD was often kicked and punched if she tried to play with other children and more often than not would be coming out of school upset and not wanting to go in.

Teacher was aware of dynamic and separated DD as much as possible. She paired DD with another child in the class and the change in DD was so positive.

We made it clear that we wanted DD separated for Y1 and the teacher agreed it would be better too. DD started to grow in confidence and developed a lovely friendship with another girl in her class.

On the day class allocations were announced, the other little girl came out in tears because she had been separated. She was no longer bothered not being with DD but was upset she wasn't with this other little girl DD had become friends with. She developed an intense attachment to this other child. She wouldn't allow DD to play with the other child and would physically push or kick DD if she tried to join in. DD even had her hands stomped on because she wanted to sit where DD was sitting. The last couple of weeks of term were not great for DD but we kept reiterating that she would be in the other class for next year.

A few days ago the mum of DDs new friend posted on the Reception WhatsApp to say that they were going to the local soft play. The only one who turned up was the other intense child. The intensity over the last 6 weeks was still there and the other mum is concerned her DD is now in the position my DD was in during reception.

DD can't wait to go back to school and is particularly looking forward to seeing her new friend. However we are concerned that DD is going to find herself being kicked/ punched and with unkind things said should she try and play with her friend by this other girl during lunch and breaktimes.

We have told DD to walk away / tell a teacher etc but is there anything else we can equip her with to ensure Y1 isn't a repeat of reception? I'm assuming there would have been a handover from her old teacher?

Wait, I thought your dd and the intense girl will no longer be in the same class, is this correct?

In any case, while I can feel sympathy for the 'intense' child, what is happening to your dd is completely unacceptable. Pushing, hitting and kicking are not on at school. I would speak to the class teacher form the beginning to make sure she knows about this. I wouldn't leave this up to chance.

Your poor dd, it's rubbish when you have kids like this as your dd is so little but she fully understands that she is being tetrad badly, even violently.

The other girl needs some sort of support to help her with friendships. Do you know what her home life is like?

treated badly

Yes, the "intense" child is in the other class, which we are very thankful for.

School were good last year, but I did feel the last couple of weeks things were left a little because it was the end of the school year.

I just don't want DD to have every friendship jeopardised by this other child. I worry it us going to happen again and again....

As for her home life, the mum had previously said her partner can be controlling and a perfectionist. She also said she would have left him but can't afford to do so. The couple of occasions we went to the house before reception started (they went to nursery together) there was a lot of shouting by the mum to the kids over things I thought were insignificant.

That sounds tough for the other girl.

I reckon that the problem will go away now that your dd and the other girl are no longer in the same class (phew!!). In this case, I wouldn't speak to the teacher straight away, let your dd settle in and see how it goes. IME the classes don't mix all that much at that age and people tend to be friends with those they're in the same class with.

If it starts again, be in there like a shot and take it very seriously, don't let them fob you off. to schools, this is just another childish squabble but your dd only has you and your dp to advocate for her, so you have to be polite but firm.

As per the department of education guidelines, all dc have the right to not be assaulted at school and they have to put in a plan to protect your dd from being hit, kicked, bullied etc should this girl continue to be horrible to your dd.

Leave it for now and hopefully it will all go very well for your dd.

If it's a good and nurturing school, I hope that the other girl will get the support she needs to develop her social skills, sounds like she hasn't got it easy at home.