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Original poster

As my name change says. Lonely and single

11 replies

LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 15:18

I had. Good friends. But all couples. Or if single they have full on extended family life.

My children are grown up and live away from our area.

I have tried to date, and every time I feel I'm better off alone.

54, ok career, cheerful and outwardly a success.

But days like today, when the world sounds like it's having a group bbq. And nobody I know is having one. It hasn't invited me. Life feels empty.

I don't need a partner to validate my life. I go to dinner alone, walk alone, cinema, holiday. You name it. Not afraid.

But sometimes I feel so very lonely

OP posts:
Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 15:19

I have good friends. Not had!

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 03/09/2023 15:26

Why didn't you just invite all your friends round for a bbq?

Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 15:27

They all do "family" type things over a weekend. Most are young retired and away living life which is great! We only really meet up on weekday evenings.

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frozendaisy · 03/09/2023 15:32

If weekends are hard could you think about getting a couple of weekend shifts in a local pub?

It's social. Earn a bit more cash.

Blackscrackleanddrag · 03/09/2023 15:32

You need to find friends who are in a similar life circumstance to you. Easier said than done, I know. Are there meetup groups near you or could you start one? You may find people in a similar situation to you who are also looking to make friends. Join groups which meet at weekends, such as walking groups, where again you are more likely to meet people whose weekends are not full of ' family time.'

arethereanyleftatall · 03/09/2023 15:39

I haven't been lonely before, but as a fellow singleton, I can accept that there might come a day when I am. So im preparing myself for it, by remembering that very occasional loneliness will be a tiny price to pay for freedom/never feeling resentful/never having anyone irritate you/never anything negative in your life etc etc

And I don't want to piss on the lovely sounds of bbq but you can bet one all of them will have a woman running around absolutely ragged doing everything whilst the husband takes all the applause for turning the meat over whilst he sits and drinks his beer.

Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 18:52

@frozendaisy I already do this 😮 social yes. Exhausting also but I do it for the social aspect - it's only while I work tho unless I want to stroll down and drink with the (very) regulars who offer nothing but drinking buddy friendship iyswim?

@Blackscrackleanddrag I did hoo one. On a weekday evening - not ONE SINGLE PERSON interacted with me. I was shocked as it isn't marketed like this and also I took my 🥰 beautiful pup who got attention but not me h🤣😮🤣

@arethereanyleftatall I absolutely get that. That was me...better than listening on the sidelines though I now realise!

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Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 18:54

I sound like I'm making excuses. I'm really not. I feel like I've tried so much and my friends and family all seem to think I'm sorted. I do tell them I'm NOT. And when my daughter leaves for uni in a week NOBODY would cross my threshold etc. it's like tumbleweed. I'm alright jack mentality.

It sucks. I don't want to fill the gap with a shit relationship- I also don't want to work or drink myself into an early grave which feels like the only options 😂

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Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 18:56

@arethereanyleftatall absolutely get the pay off. But also this brings the how the fuck do I have time to maintain both my house AND garden and relax and work 😂 I hated my marriage as I was a housekeeper and childminder and all round slave. I am looking around thinking hmmmm yep just one silly person less 🤣

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Gettingbysomehow · 03/09/2023 18:58

I feel your pain. I'm 61 and since my ex ran off with someone else several years ago I seem to be having trouble being valid to the outside world.
I don't want a husband or a partner, I don't need one. I love living alone.
I have my own home and career, I am not short of money.
But apparently you need to have a male partner to be valid these days.
It infuriates me because I was the sociable half of the couple, I made everyone laugh and got conversations going, my ex used to skulk about not saying a word and hanging onto my arm the whole evening.
People would always gravitate towards me, yet now I have no partner it seems I am invisible.
What the hell is that all about.

Original poster
LonelyS1ngle · 03/09/2023 19:03

Gettingbysomehow · 03/09/2023 18:58

I feel your pain. I'm 61 and since my ex ran off with someone else several years ago I seem to be having trouble being valid to the outside world.
I don't want a husband or a partner, I don't need one. I love living alone.
I have my own home and career, I am not short of money.
But apparently you need to have a male partner to be valid these days.
It infuriates me because I was the sociable half of the couple, I made everyone laugh and got conversations going, my ex used to skulk about not saying a word and hanging onto my arm the whole evening.
People would always gravitate towards me, yet now I have no partner it seems I am invisible.
What the hell is that all about.

Hell I could have written that!! I wanted out and that seems to be the sticking point. Shut up and put up appears to be the norm on ones 50s. Nope sorry not happening 🤣

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