Am I odd | Mumsnet

Easystuff · 2023-09-03T10:08:04+00:00

I know I'm probably a bit odd. But I just can't do relationships. I see people on mn talking generally about their partners. Sharing bed etc. I was seeing someone for 9 years had couple of separations in that time.We never actually lived together but he would often stay over. He used to annoy me . But he was also very kind . Would never see us go without. When he stayed over he would be doing nothing wrong just sleeping . But i would wake in the night and think omg fuck off. Even though he's done nothing wrong. When I put the kids to bed. And he would start a conversation I would think omg shut up. He would walk into the kitchen when I'm busy again I would think ffs. Even just sitting in the chair would annoy me. I just felt like everything was zapped out of me and I felt so drained . Then this person by just being there doing nothing wrong was zapping the energy I haven't even got. Even during the day time I felt it was just another person taking up my space. I have used this example because I was seeing him for 9 years. But I have felt the same about other relationships and they have not lasted. I don't think I have explained it well. But I don't think I could ever live with anyone. I just wondered if anyone felt similar or am I just odd.

Original poster

Easystuff · 03/09/2023 14:21

Just me then

OP posts:

asexualposter · 03/09/2023 14:23

I am like you, and I am asexual. I have changed my name to post because I have seen the contempt and aggression that little fact seems to provoke in other posters

jays · 03/09/2023 14:27

You explained it perfectly! I’m in a relationship and I don’t feel like this all the time but sometimes I do and I really don’t think it’s odd at all! Just honest. No matter how much you love someone, other people are not you and require effort and sometimes it’s exhausting . Even looking at them can be exhausting! Well that’s how I feel anyway. Your post was brilliant. I think a lot of people feel like that, but just not all of the time. But def some of the time!

GigiAnnna · 03/09/2023 14:27

I used to be like that, I was a single mum for a long time and used to my own space and company. I had casual relationships in that time but I never had men to my house overnight or around my kids, I just never wanted to blend the two together. I had never lived with a man at that point and had not slept a full night in bed with a guy since I was a teenager. My feelings changed when I met my now husband but at first I was very cautious about diving in with someone, but I'm happy now.

Superlegs · 03/09/2023 14:28

I just took from that you weren’t compatible, maybe he was just a draining person in general and he rightly got on your nerves ?

Original poster

Easystuff · 03/09/2023 14:38

Superlegs · 03/09/2023 14:28

I just took from that you weren’t compatible, maybe he was just a draining person in general and he rightly got on your nerves ?

It was probably party him to. But I mainly used him as an example. I have felt like that about other relationships as well. Not just him

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Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 03/09/2023 14:39

I feel the same OP. I did marry but only because of the expectations on me culturally that that’s what you do. I wish I’d been stronger and had more confidence in myself to have resisted the expectations because I hated being married and hated my ex. I didn’t have the guts to leave until the thought of staying was more horrific than the thought of divorcing.

Since then I’ve been single - 16 years now. I have a very close friend who is male and would have loved to be in a relationship and move in or marry or whatever but no way could I face sharing my space, not being able to do what I want when I want etc. I’m in my 60s now and do feel lonely sometimes, even though I’ve got amazing friends who I love very much. But I’d rather cope with those times I feel on my own, than be in a relationship and living with someone even if that were only a few days a week (my friend suggested that as a compromise ). I think I am probably asexual. I don’t feel I need sex at all. I nave a few divorced friends who said they would not get into a relationship again. I don’t think it’s what most people want but if that’s right for you, then I don’t think we should feel weird or bad about it OP.

Original poster

Easystuff · 03/09/2023 14:43

asexualposter · 03/09/2023 14:23

I am like you, and I am asexual. I have changed my name to post because I have seen the contempt and aggression that little fact seems to provoke in other posters

What do you mean asexual provokes people?

I just don't think I fit in to the box that I'm meant to. Ie partner/marriage kids. Home.

OP posts:

IFeelSoSoSad · 03/09/2023 14:57

My friend is asexual and a-romantic. She is sad at the a-romantic bit, but happy being asexual. She says wants a non-intense companionship and would like a commune style living arrangement.

Original poster

Easystuff · 03/09/2023 15:07

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 03/09/2023 14:39

I feel the same OP. I did marry but only because of the expectations on me culturally that that’s what you do. I wish I’d been stronger and had more confidence in myself to have resisted the expectations because I hated being married and hated my ex. I didn’t have the guts to leave until the thought of staying was more horrific than the thought of divorcing.

Since then I’ve been single - 16 years now. I have a very close friend who is male and would have loved to be in a relationship and move in or marry or whatever but no way could I face sharing my space, not being able to do what I want when I want etc. I’m in my 60s now and do feel lonely sometimes, even though I’ve got amazing friends who I love very much. But I’d rather cope with those times I feel on my own, than be in a relationship and living with someone even if that were only a few days a week (my friend suggested that as a compromise ). I think I am probably asexual. I don’t feel I need sex at all. I nave a few divorced friends who said they would not get into a relationship again. I don’t think it’s what most people want but if that’s right for you, then I don’t think we should feel weird or bad about it OP.

That's exactly how I feel. I think I enjoyed sex in my 20s. But definitely not anymore . Just feels like a chore.

I'm no good at relationships at all. The only relationship I tried with was the one in my op.. that was only because he's like a boomerang.

I think when my children grow up and leave home I might end up like nan in Catherine tate might have a little dog 🤣

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WallaceinAnderland · 03/09/2023 15:22

We've ended up in a house that has 2 separate sitting rooms and more bedrooms that we need. DH and I have naturally drifted into using one of the sitting rooms each to read/snooze/game/watch tv without disturbing each other. We also decided to have our own bedrooms just for better sleep really (we both snore!).

But we do spend all day everyday together, always eat together, share tv, evenings out, have friends over, etc. All the usual social stuff. It's just that we each have our separate sanctuaries to go to if we need quiet time/downtime.

We get on great, have lots of laughs, have family over, days out, holidays, etc. but time apart and time alone is also really important to us both.

Maybe it's just balance that you need.

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 03/09/2023 15:33

I think when my children grow up and leave home I might end up like nan in Catherine tate might have a little dog 🤣

That sounds a good plan. I love being able to do exactly what I want without anyone giving me their opinion as to whether it’s ok or not. I’m just not cut out for living with someone. The idea of even sharing with my closest friends would not be something I’d want to do.

Original poster

Easystuff · 03/09/2023 15:45

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 03/09/2023 15:33

I think when my children grow up and leave home I might end up like nan in Catherine tate might have a little dog 🤣

That sounds a good plan. I love being able to do exactly what I want without anyone giving me their opinion as to whether it’s ok or not. I’m just not cut out for living with someone. The idea of even sharing with my closest friends would not be something I’d want to do.

I don't have to answer to anyone. But it kind of feels like I do even though I don't. I also have children and once I get space from them. At bed time or older ones are doing their own thing. I feel like I don't want others breathing my air 😅

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Orangebadger · 03/09/2023 16:47

I am in a relationship of 15 years and I sometimes feel like that. I have a full on people facing job and I need my space! But the way you describe your feelings is like an introvert, very zapped by been around people and just need more space than a more extrovert person. I know I need more space than my partner!