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Original poster

My house is a shit hole and other.

16 replies

Ted10 · 02/09/2023 12:13

Because of the stressful things i/we have Been going through. It's really drained me and I find it really hard to get motivated and everything feels hopeless. And I'm always waiting for something to happen with ds and I start over thinking everything. And sometimes nothing happens or its a small thing but it feels big.

My house is a shit hole . Partly because of stress and stuff going on , also because its school holidays. I'm way behinde on the washing. Got crap sitting on sides units etc I need to take the pool down on my own. I need to clean the kids rooms as well. Everything needs a good wipe over all over the house. It feels grubby so I want to get it done.

I told ds and his boyfriend I would buy them tickets for fright night at thorpe park. on condition they sort the kitchen out for me. Which they have agreed . But I have been a prick and already bought the tickets.

Just to be clear the house is not such a shit hole that it would raise concerns. To be honest I could get it all sorted in a day . It's just I let it slip over the past week or 2 . I just want to put music on have a good positive vibe and be left alone to do it with no one bugging me no one is my face, no demanding, and none talking to me like shit.

On another note. There was a CIN meeting with me,ds and sw. It was ok actually. We tried to come to an agreement of when loud music should be turned of or switched to head phones. We tried to bring DS into the agreement but he kept twisting things, and not taking anything on board etc. Sw and me tried several times. In the end I said 8pm. On a school night baring in mind the younger 3 have to be up at 6.30 for school. Ds was throwing mini verbal tantrums over it. But several times social worker asked him how he thinks things should be. He kept saying he don't know. Also he kept going on about how he does not like the feel of head phones /ear phones. Basically he was putting obstacles in the way. In the end sw said he needs to respect the rules in the house and consider the other people that live here. She was quite firm with him. I did feel she was quite supportive on that session to be honest.

One more thing is DS is starting a construction course mind September. So I'm hoping it will have a positive impact.

Sorry its a bit of a mixed post and written badly . I was just writing what came to mind.

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 02/09/2023 12:31

It sounds like you are having a crappy time and been through the wringer with your older child. The construction course might be the making of him, not too long till that kicks in now.

Why don't you make one space in the house which is mostly yours, really lovely? Your chair or bed, somewhere to retreat to while things feel a bit chaotic. Then when you feel up to it tackle another bit/ space that would make your life easier - leave the younger kids rooms till the end of the holidays - down that road madness lies.

VivaciousRadish · 02/09/2023 12:36

That all sounds really positive.

You shouldn’t have bought the tickets before they sorted the kitchen, but I live near Thorpe Park, and they seem to sell well on local Facebook pages for the ticket price as they always seem to sell out. Tell them you’ll sell them if they don’t carry out their side of the bargain

good luck 💐

AdoraBell · 02/09/2023 12:43

I second having a calm retreat space for yourself. YY to selling the tickets if they don’t clean the kitchen.

For now just keep the bathroom clean and wipe kitchen surfaces once they are cleared.

Once the DC are back in school start sorting the rest.

Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 12:56

VivaciousRadish · 02/09/2023 12:36

That all sounds really positive.

You shouldn’t have bought the tickets before they sorted the kitchen, but I live near Thorpe Park, and they seem to sell well on local Facebook pages for the ticket price as they always seem to sell out. Tell them you’ll sell them if they don’t carry out their side of the bargain

good luck 💐

Yeah I know I was a muppet, I don't think because with my other kids I can do it this way round because I know they will do what's been agreed in a positive manner
But yeah I said I will sell them if need be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 13:06

@AdoraBell @Desecratedcoconut

Yes I'm really hoping he will do the course and it will be a good turning point for him.

With the house I really want to get alot of it done. I want it to feel nice as a whole. I literally just sleep in my room. Although things seem to get dumped in there.

OP posts:
IdleAnimations · 02/09/2023 13:25

The best advice I ever had was to start every day with making your bed. You’ve then achieved something already.

Secondly, I’d break down the house into smaller tasks for X amount of time (say 20 mins). If I tell myself I’m just going to clean the toilet and sink for 20 mins, I’ve achieved something and it’s less daunting than a whole house. Sometimes I have motivation to do more but I always try and reflect on what I HAVE achieved not just what I haven’t. Even if you’ve been to work or cooked the dinner - you’ve done something so why be so harsh on yourself?

Lastly, I think there’s a high amount of pressure for women to run the perfect home. For example, you stated YOU have to clean your kids rooms, but it sounds like some of your kids are old enough to clean their own rooms. I wouldn’t give in to giving them treats such as theme park tickets if they aren’t respecting your house rules. When I grew up, if we didn’t clean our rooms a black bag was taken to it and we didn’t have our stuff back apart from the basics for days until we changed our attitudes. Seems harsh but taught us to clean lol.

Beadyeyes91 · 02/09/2023 13:27

What about using the money you bought the tickets with and book a cleaner? I appreciate you've already bought the tickets and unsure if they can be refunded but just a thought.

HollyGolightly4 · 02/09/2023 13:30

Have you heard of the team Tomm method? It's a godsend, honestly. I don't follow it exactly, but it's got a bootcamp that might be perfect for kick-starting what you need

Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 13:34

Ffs and now it's started.

It's only me and ds home . So I think let's get greggs for lunch. Ds then tells me his bf is on way. So I'm thinking ffs got to get something for him to .. then it turns out he won't be here till just after 2.30. So i just got to pay for me and ds.

Then ds starts. Can I have a greggs meal plus a bake and a pizza. Me: no, it cost to much. You can have a meal and 1 extra item but not 2. If your still hungry grab something from home. DS: but why. If L had Been here it would have cost you more. I repeat no. I must have told him no at least 6 times. And he now has a massive attitude. I'm sick and tired of it push bloody push .

Oh and I also got I know you and had Indian when I was not here. Me; yeah and you had 15.00 .

Sorry ranting .

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 13:37

HollyGolightly4 · 02/09/2023 13:30

Have you heard of the team Tomm method? It's a godsend, honestly. I don't follow it exactly, but it's got a bootcamp that might be perfect for kick-starting what you need

Actually yes I have. I had forgotten about that. Thank you

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 02/09/2023 13:42

If you like the TOMM stuff then there is a podcast on patheon that you might like. It is like a shot of motivation when you can't be arsed. It has a free week - so if you time it with the bootcamp weekend it might be all you need.

Desecratedcoconut · 02/09/2023 13:42

Sorry, it's called rock the housework.

Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 13:43

IdleAnimations · 02/09/2023 13:25

The best advice I ever had was to start every day with making your bed. You’ve then achieved something already.

Secondly, I’d break down the house into smaller tasks for X amount of time (say 20 mins). If I tell myself I’m just going to clean the toilet and sink for 20 mins, I’ve achieved something and it’s less daunting than a whole house. Sometimes I have motivation to do more but I always try and reflect on what I HAVE achieved not just what I haven’t. Even if you’ve been to work or cooked the dinner - you’ve done something so why be so harsh on yourself?

Lastly, I think there’s a high amount of pressure for women to run the perfect home. For example, you stated YOU have to clean your kids rooms, but it sounds like some of your kids are old enough to clean their own rooms. I wouldn’t give in to giving them treats such as theme park tickets if they aren’t respecting your house rules. When I grew up, if we didn’t clean our rooms a black bag was taken to it and we didn’t have our stuff back apart from the basics for days until we changed our attitudes. Seems harsh but taught us to clean lol.

Thank you. That actually makes alot of sense. I think I could get myself to that mind set. Like you say do the bathroom that's 1 thing done. Rather than 'not' done . That's definitely a good way of turning it round .

OP posts:
loislovesstewie · 02/09/2023 13:59

I don't know if this would work but, this is what I do. Before I say more ,both my adult kids have disabilities so I probably do more than if they were more able. Kids rooms we clean together[ me and the occupant]. I do that floor one day. The next day is my floor , so I do that by myself. That is another day. Kitchen I wipe every night, clean floor and front of units every morning, hoover downstairs daily. Once a week do the ground floor thoroughly. One load of washing every morning as soon as I shower. I find it best to have a plan and stick to it.Maybe have a chart in your kitchen , with things to do daily/weekly and if your kids are older then they do specific tasks. And I agree that making beds first thing helps, it makes the room look tidy.

Lastly, don't be harsh on yourself, it's hard work keeping a home perfect.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 02/09/2023 14:24

HollyGolightly4 · 02/09/2023 13:30

Have you heard of the team Tomm method? It's a godsend, honestly. I don't follow it exactly, but it's got a bootcamp that might be perfect for kick-starting what you need

Oh my god. I’ve never heard of this method. This is a godsend! Thank you! Thank you!!!

I have adhd and I find cleaning my bugbear. (Actually I don’t mind the cleaning. Infact I love that). I do struggle to unclutter!

I can’t get over this. Brilliant!

Original poster
Ted10 · 02/09/2023 14:38

loislovesstewie · 02/09/2023 13:59

I don't know if this would work but, this is what I do. Before I say more ,both my adult kids have disabilities so I probably do more than if they were more able. Kids rooms we clean together[ me and the occupant]. I do that floor one day. The next day is my floor , so I do that by myself. That is another day. Kitchen I wipe every night, clean floor and front of units every morning, hoover downstairs daily. Once a week do the ground floor thoroughly. One load of washing every morning as soon as I shower. I find it best to have a plan and stick to it.Maybe have a chart in your kitchen , with things to do daily/weekly and if your kids are older then they do specific tasks. And I agree that making beds first thing helps, it makes the room look tidy.

Lastly, don't be harsh on yourself, it's hard work keeping a home perfect.

Yes definitely. My oldest ds does his own room. Dd does to with alot of butt kicking. (Not literally) my 7&8 year old kind if do theirs the 8 year old us autistic and needs Constant instructions. Then he forgets what he's meant to be doing. Then the 7 year old feels over whelmed
They try their best . But they are at their dad's till tomorrow so would be good to get it done whilst they are not here. I struggle more with the communal areas. Also its motivation and energy etc . Definitely needs a plan though team tomm is good for that so I will look at that again

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