Do you ever get over the death of a loved one?

[HopeLost]

I see no point to life anymore. The only person who loved me unconditionally is gone. I have no friends. No-one understands me. Grief is all consuming.

Oh dear, I'm so so sorry for your loss. It sounds very recent and raw. In answer to your question, no I don't think we get over it as such, but we can learn to live around it. The loss becomes part of our lives and not so shocking. There is still joy to be had, however unlikely that may seem right now.

You don't get over it, but the grief that is consuming you right now will eventually come in waves and in between those waves you will feel relatively normal. Over time, there will be more and more time between the waves. I'm sorry for your loss. I promise this sheer awfulness will ease eventually x

I'm sorry for your loss.
Ime no. You don't get over it. You learn to live with it. It becomes part of you. Something you carry. You get used to carrying it.

Of course people get over the death of their loved ones. Otherwise we'd all be dead - as opposed to 6 billion people on the planet most of whom (excluding most young children I suppose) will have experienced the death of a loved one.

It’s like being in a storm at sea. At the moment you are being tossed around and the waves are crashing and seem to overwhelm you, whilst you cling on to a tiny piece of wood from your shipwreck.
In time the storm grows less. The waves still come but they are weaker. They reduce in height and frequency.
Always the waves of grief come, but over time they weaken.
Give it time.

Some bereavements can be more traumatic than others. Some people’s situations can be worse than others.
Have a heart.

It does get better eventually. I wish I had talked to my GP when my Mum passed, I think maybe short term antidepressants would have helped. It's 3 years now and time really has helped. Try to find some positive things to focus on, even just going for a walk and looking at nature. Exercise also helps.

I agree with the first 3 replies.

At first it is all consuming for some people, but gradually you realise that things don't "go back to normal" but that a "new normal" starts, and that is okay.

My Dad died in January, and I'm still really struggling.

I miss him and it's still very much a physical pain. My brain can't compute that I'm never going to see or hear him again.

It just becomes easier after the raw pain passes , today is my dads birthday the first one since he passed and yes I’ve had a few tears today but it’s ok

@LindorDoubleChoc your completely heartless & clearly have zero empathy!

I know exactly how you feel @HopeLost i have recently lost two of the closest people in my life and I am completely heartbroken! One death was particularly distressing to watch & i honesty dint think I will ever get over it. X

I am so sorry for your loss. If you are feeling desperate this evening please reach out to someone who will support you in real life or even call the Samaritans. It’s one day at a time, and the intense feelings this evening will pass again but the grieving process is long and slow. Take care x

I agree.
Your normal changes.

I don't think anyone who actually loved someone and lost them 'gets over it' as it oh well they're dead now I was upset but I don't care any more that they're gone it's in the past they no longer matter.

You just get used to the fact they're gone. You adjust.

on days like these. Just keep breathing in and out. Take one step at a time. 5 minutes at a time if you can. There is nothing else you need to do to can do. Just breathe. Sending you love.

I’m sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself and understand that grieving is not a linear thing. I lost my dad nearly ten years ago and it still really gets to me some days. The bad days get less frequent, and you adjust to your new normal but it’s ok to recognise that life will never be the same. Sending you strength.

You don’t get over it, it just gets easier to live with. But then when you’re not expecting it, it comes back and hits you hard.

Hi OP,

I lost the love of my life near enough 5 years ago.
All I can say is time. I hated people saying that to me at the time.. but it's true..
You never get over it but you do learn to live with it.. If you need to speak to anyone please pm me. I know I appreciated every single message I received. Xx

I think your life splits into "before" and "after", and it can still hit you and hurt you at random times years and years down the line. I do think you get to the point though where you enjoy life again and can be mostly OK.

No I've never got over it, I suppose you get used to it though. Sorry for your loss 💐

I think it was CS Lewis who said that he never realised how much grief feels like fear.

I get this. When those waves come it feels like sheer panic. But it does ease. Every now and then, even years later, it will resurface and you feel like you’ve been winded, but then it goes to ground again.

So yes, you do learn to live with it but it never truly goes away.

I think you are truly, truly lucky to have experienced someone who loved you unconditionally - that is very rare. Eventually you will feel grateful for having had that, but I know now all you can feel is the loss of it.

So sorry for your loss OP. Please do give yourself time to grieve.

I have found it helps to spend time in natural settings - visiting lovely public gardens and spending time by the sea.

Walking, swimming, dancing and painting are relaxing and meaningful. Charity work gives great satisfaction. Also a cat or dog can be good company.

Sorry if those ideas seem trite. Your loved one would have wanted you to be happy. Grief can be all consuming. Why not try one or two things to see if they make you feel good?

I am so sorry for your loss . 3 years on I still think about my Dd throughout every day and it is raw but I am surviving. I found the following analogy helpful to put it into words x