11yr old DS doesn't want to grow up, help needed.

[Itsasunshineyday]

Posting here for traffic.

My 11 DS has started secondary school this week and is having a really hard time adjusting to his new environment especially lunchtimes in the busy canteen area.
Twice this week he has mentioned to me "I feel like I'm growing up and I don't like it, on top of everything else Mum". He is proper fed up and quite depressed. I can offer him advice about the new school, lessons, lunchtime chaos etc. But I'm struggling to find the right words and advice to give him about not wanting to grow up. Any help and advice greatly appreciated.

Consider reading 'What Your Teen is Trying To Tell You' by Stella O'Malley. There is plenty of stuff in there about the disappointment tweens and teens can feel as they leave the magic of childhood

Ah OP 💔

I'm in Ireland so our DC are at least 12 & most are 13 going to secondary school. And it's still hard.

My DD found it hard (she was 12), my 13 yo DS really struggled. He was crying each evening, much like yours. He told me he sat at lunchtime with tears in his eyes as he was so lonely. He had no-one from his primary school there, and he had a really tight-knit group of pals there (there were valid reasons he couldn't go to the secondary school most of them went to).

It was very tough for about 3 weeks, I was in bits myself too!

However around then team sports started, he met a few like-minded boys & was transformed.

The first year wasn't without incidents but overall he did fine.

As PP have said, listening to your DS and acknowledging how he feels is important. Also coming up with some practical strategies if you can. And finally reassuring him that it won't be like this forever.

Good luck!

I'm 34 and I still don't like growing up 😅
On a serious note I didn't transition well to grammar school, I used to hide in the toilets at dinner time. Before school my mum used to tell me what we'd be doing when I got home and that got me through the school day, that could be a little walk or going to see a relative. Growing up is hard

Omg no idea where the gif has come from in my last message

That's made me smile.

Update. DS has had a rubbish week. He hates everything about secondary school. There are a couple of glimmers of hope though. He had made a friend but he hasn't spoken to me about it yet. Also, he says he's got the best form teacher, she's really nice apparently.
Lunchtime is the worst time, too many kids in a small space, no where to sit to eat his pack up, therefore hasn't eaten his lunch at all. But, he won't eat when he's anxious either.
DS has been assessed for dyslexia too. I knew nothing about this and it must be a mistake (I've emailed school asking what's going on). Now DS thinks he's dyslexic and is a bit traumatised.
We're working through all the issues today.
It's so overwhelming for an 11 Yr old.

@Itsasunshineyday at our school we screen all students for dyslexia and other processing issues in yr7. These things can be missed at primary as bright kids learn coping strategies, bit then struggle as the work gets harder through secondary. Or it may be that they have picked up a spiky profile from CATs if they have done those. Don't worry but do email and ask for further information.

As other PP have said I'd definitely look into lunchtime clubs and encourage him to join them if they are available.

I went to a very large secondary school 1700 pupils after being at a tiny country primary of about 40 and was terrified. I was also a very "young" 11. I spent the first few weeks either hiding in the toilet or the library.

Then I was encouraged by my form tutor to join the lunchtime clubs and did everything from art, chess, drama and RE despite not being religious. But it created an environment to make friends. I was also a complete goody goody who would never dream of talking during class and I travelled a different direction from most others in the school as I had to pick up my little sister.

But the clubs really helped me to flourish and make friendship groups, be able to be silly and know that there were others who were just as immature as me (I assume all the "cool kids" were to busy being cool to join the clubs lol)
They gave me a firm footing to be able to enjoy my secondary school life.

Things are much harder now for our children- so many of them have been exposed to adult things very early on. Which makes the gap even wider

I hope your DS finds his group soon and settles in. Its a huge jump and he needs time to find his groove - but he will.