I'm feeling stuck and a bit lost, can anyone help me pull this around? (Child behaviour/family relationships)

[IhearyouClemFandango]

In a nutshell, we had two kids fairly close together, then when they were 7 and 5 I fell.pregnant despite having a coil fitted. Our bonus baby was adored from the outset and is now nearly 6.

I think I have fucked up though, as subconsciously I felt it was my fault that this 3rd child was now around, so I leapt to do everything for him, so he would cause minimal disruption to the rest of the family. Fuck knows why, my brain is odd.

Now he is nearly 6 and a great little chap, but very firmly attached to me over the rest of the family. He also thinks he's my boss, which I have brought on myself by giving in more than I would otherwise to keep the household peaceful.

I want/need to help him detach from me (he's very independent in a lot of ways, sociable, loves school etc) and assert more boundaries so I don't give in to nagging as much. But I'm not great at that, and am finding it v hard to get past the intrusive 'we shouldn't have had a 3rd child, life would be so easy' thoughts that I then overcompensate for by giving in too much to keep the peace.

I find it hard to talk to DH about this as he has always been far better at being assertive so has never had this problem, and wouldn't get how I feel.

I don't understand what you mean by wanting to 'detach' from your six year old child?

I'm not sure I understand either. Him 'thinking he is your boss' is a concern and I think you need to stop giving in and set some clear boundaries for the whole family's sake.

So from what you've said, it sounds like you regret the fact that your child exists and are spoiling him to over compensate?

You're not doing this with the older two, so you know how to assert boundaries and parent. You need to draw on that and apply it to your third child. Say no to him sometimes. Spend some time with one of the older two or on a family day out instead of focusing all your attention on him. Get his dad to spend more time with him, maybe by taking him to an extracurricular like football or swimming, so they can bond and your son can stop being so singularly attached to you. Send him out in the garden to play unsupervised while you make dinner or watch something on TV so he starts to learn he doesn't get you all the time just because you're both at home together.

Remember, he will be happier in and of himself if he has clear boundaries, and he needs a dependable parent figure rather than a mum who tries to act like his friend.

You can do this. You already did it twice before.

And it doesn't matter why or how he exists. He's here now and it sounds like he's a lovely child.

Can you model/back up what your DH does?