2yo bedtime pinching, please help

[Pinchingneedstostop]

For the last year or so DD has fallen asleep pinching the back of our hand. It's a comfort thing she sometimes also does in the daytime.

I haven't minded as it's been quite gentle and she had been falling asleep within minutes. For the last few weeks though (probably due to the 2 year regression) bedtime has been taking increasingly longer and we've had early wakes where she's needed the pinching again.

After a particularly bad session last night and at 5 am this morning (about an hour each) I'm all pinched out and feel like I can't take another minute of it. It does start feeling like torture after a while being pinched over and over again in the same place, I'm not exaggerating honestly!

How can I get her to stop? I ultimately want her to fall independently too (she can do it as she does it at naptime - I give her a kiss, walk out of the room, and she falls asleep in seconds without any tears. No idea why bedtime is such a palaver).

So do I go cold turkey on it all at once? Or do I train from pinching to holding hands to whatever else until she can fall asleep alone?

Any advice welcome. I tried a few things tonight and I am now crying feeling like a horrible mum.

does she have any sort of toy or comforter that she takes to bed? We had the same issue but it was with hair pulling instead of pinching. I think it came from her feeling my hair beside her as she fell asleep as a tiny baby and she then always wanted a hold of it as she got bigger. When I kept my hair away she would pull her own hair, to the point she’d be yanking clumps of it out. I looked into all sorts. There’s a company that makes satin gloves built into pyjamas and they can do only certain fingers/thumbs etc if it’s for hair pulling, itching etc. In the end up what worked was getting her a toy with long hair to pull and she now goes and gets it any time she’s tired. It is definitely just a comfort thing that they do and they’ve established this routine so well that they need it

Cold turkey. It’s the only way. Maybe go to a shop and choose a toy to take to bed. Explain Mummys hand is tired and it’s time for a new night time friend (or something along those lines)
It’s a habit. It can be broken. Or replaced by another habit.
she won’t remember and she won’t be Traumertised by it. If she can sleep at naps with no pinching it’s definitely a habit

Thank you both.

She loves her bunnies and comforters and usually puts 4 or 5 under her arm and keeps the other arm free for pinching.

I kept trying to redirect the pinching to the soft toys but she then just shouted "No!" and threw them out of the cot.

I explained my hand was hurting and to be gentle and just hold hands but she wasn't having it. She started calling out for daddy and then her brother, clearly thinking I was being horrible!

It is definitely a habit, she goes to nursery and naps perfectly there too without pinching anyone. It does make me feel like cold turkey may be best, as lying down next to her but telling her not to pinch me is just winding her up even more.

I had walked out of the room initially but she was so distraught I wanted to stay next to her so she knew I wasnt completely abandoning her.

In the end the back and forth 'only' took 40 minutes, once she got too tired to argue she just fell asleep slightly stroking my hand. Not sure how to approach it tomorrow!

"I think it came from her feeling my hair beside her as she fell asleep as a tiny baby" @Dollyx ahhh so cute (although no doubt annoying). DD used to pinch and tuck at my skin while breastfeeding so I guess it's from that. They are so cute, sadly today we crossed the line from cute to unbearable 😂

🤦🏼‍♀️ oh no, sorry today didn’t go well. Its such a tricky age. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a lot of the time trying to avoid meltdowns or big reactions to things. I was trying to think what might feel like skin (ew) and all I can think of is a stress reliever type toy that you can squeeze. Itl probably only take a short time however you manage it then it won’t be an issue anymore

Thank you @Dollyx I've also been wondering how to make a fake hand 😂

Last night was really bad, she woke again after a couple of hours and screamed the house down for a FULL hour. At that point I would have been happy to let her pinch me to make it stop but she was so mad she wouldn't let me near her and kept pushing me away. But she also screamed if I left the room. It was awful and I felt so sorry for the neighbours.

Luckily, she slept til morning after that. She's been lovely all day and went to bed without tears tonight! She kept trying to pinch and I kept asking her to just hold hands and she was OK with that. So that's progress! (And hopefully not just a fluke)