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Original poster

I find it hard to do 'small talk'/ attend big social gatherings any more

23 replies

YorkshireC · 30/08/2023 17:12

I'm late 40s. Although I'd describe myself as an introvert, I'm not shy, can chat to anyone, but will never be the life and soul!

Lately though, I just don't feel like making small talk a lot, or attending big social events/ parties. I'm a member of a sports club and attend regularly. However, recently there was a social evening with over 100 attendees and I could just not bring myself to go, so I'd a lovely evening at home with my book!
Am I weird?

I still love to meet close friends on a one-to-one or smaller groups so I'm not completely antisocial!

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 30/08/2023 17:16

Not at all. I hate it even if I have friends there because you often get interrupted if you are having a good chat and have to start talking nonsense again with someone else.

When you listen to other people having big social gatherings, they pretty much talk shite the whole time anyway. Pointless and I'd rather be home weeding to be honest.

AlisonDonut · 30/08/2023 17:17

Probably why I upped sticks and moved to rural France where if you really wanted to, you could get away with not talking to anyone for weeks on end.

jollyhollyday · 30/08/2023 17:33

I am exactly the same. I try and get out of work socials. The thought of awkwardly standing around holding a drink looking around trying to think of something interesting to say :-(. I envy those that can and enjoy it too
I like one on one and can talk for hours
But just not in loud or crowded areas

EmmaEmerald · 30/08/2023 17:36

I love hanging out with friends but a social with 100 people is just too much for me.

if it's too much for you, no worries.

dontgobaconmyheart · 30/08/2023 17:39

I've always been like this; ultimately it is what it is and im happy in myself and with myself, it is something im looking ro change albeit I do think it has it's root in social anxiety (for me) and so I always take the time to consider why I don't want to do things and would it benefit me to go even if I perhaps don't feel like it. If thr answer's no or not really then I very happily settle in at home with my dog and a book and think no more about it.

If i socialise I prefer small meetups or even better one on one socialising where the conversation has some meaning or purpose to it.

Original poster
YorkshireC · 30/08/2023 19:22

Good to hear I'm not alone so!

OP posts:
Positive41 · 30/08/2023 20:08

AlisonDonut · 30/08/2023 17:17

Probably why I upped sticks and moved to rural France where if you really wanted to, you could get away with not talking to anyone for weeks on end.

My idea of heaven!

Hbh17 · 30/08/2023 20:12

You sound completely normal, OP. We get to a certain age when we realise that life is too short to faff around with small talk, and also that large social gatherings are mostly grim. Much more fun to stay home alone with a glass of wine and a good book!

AlisonDonut · 30/08/2023 20:14

Positive41 · 30/08/2023 20:08

My idea of heaven!

Show quote history

Me too.

Sortmylifeout52 · 30/08/2023 21:26

A large social gathering with 100 attendees? I'd run for the hills and wouldn't look back!

As you mature in life, you suddenly realise that there are far better ways of spending your time, than talking shite with a bunch of people ( often who just love the sound of their own voices!)

girlfriend44 · 30/08/2023 21:37

AlisonDonut · 30/08/2023 17:17

Probably why I upped sticks and moved to rural France where if you really wanted to, you could get away with not talking to anyone for weeks on end.

What on earth is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. Oddness.

AltheaVestr1t · 30/08/2023 21:47

One of the best thing about being in my 40s is the fact that I have finally stopped worrying about this. Weird or not, I don't enjoy it and I'm not doing it!

AltheaVestr1t · 30/08/2023 21:49

@girlfriend44 Don't be narrow-minded, it's not 'oddness', just 'difference'. To some folk an evening socialising and connecting with new people is exciting and energising, to others it's difficult, awkward and draining. Both experiences are totally normal and valid. Each to their own.

Original poster
YorkshireC · 31/08/2023 07:35

AltheaVestr1t · 30/08/2023 21:47

One of the best thing about being in my 40s is the fact that I have finally stopped worrying about this. Weird or not, I don't enjoy it and I'm not doing it!

Yes, seems to have happened - and worsened - since I turned 45!

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 31/08/2023 08:03

girlfriend44 · 30/08/2023 21:37

What on earth is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. Oddness.

Show quote history

I talk to plenty of people. I just get a bit bored of many of them.

Lots of them talk utter shite all the live long day.

wheresmymojo · 31/08/2023 08:24

I think this is definitely 'a thing' that happens to some of us at a certain age.

I would count myself as an extrovert and in my 20's I would have gone to the opening of a paper bag if it meant a party.

Now, I can't think of anything worse. My ideal night is an episode of Bake Off, a cup of tea and cake, my husband and my animals all on the sofa together.

My assumption is that it's something evolutionary - that when you're younger your brain is primed to go out and about where there are potential mates?

burnoutbabe · 31/08/2023 08:50

I am like this work work dos -I like chatting to everyone but they are always in pubs with no seats and noisy and hot!

Luckily my best work mate is also 50 and a grumpy sod so we go off and chat for a while (moan!!) then both feel better

But I always leave at 9 ish. Only ones I have enjoyed are where we are outside and had loads of seats.

So it's logistics for me I think. Hearing people and being comfortable. So a night at a table for 4 mates -great! Standing around at a wine bar in a group of 15. Nope.

Wishfulthinkingmaybe1 · 31/08/2023 17:05

This used to be me as I used to be such a people-pleaser but this also changed in my 40s and I no longer attend things that I don't want to any more

Piscesmumma1978 · 31/08/2023 17:31

Same. I'm a sahm with no really hobbies etc. I have nothing but my children to talk about 🤣

ButterRoad · 31/08/2023 17:35

wheresmymojo · 31/08/2023 08:24

I think this is definitely 'a thing' that happens to some of us at a certain age.

I would count myself as an extrovert and in my 20's I would have gone to the opening of a paper bag if it meant a party.

Now, I can't think of anything worse. My ideal night is an episode of Bake Off, a cup of tea and cake, my husband and my animals all on the sofa together.

My assumption is that it's something evolutionary - that when you're younger your brain is primed to go out and about where there are potential mates?

Well, apart from the fact that it’s far from universal. I think I enjoy socialising more now in my early 50s than I did in my 20s and 30s.

Original poster
YorkshireC · 02/09/2023 12:52

I used to also be a people-pleaser, think it stemmed from my childhood, but I'm not so much now. I used to be afraid people wouldn't like me if I didn't say yes to things I really didn't want to attend.

OP posts:
Kimten · 02/09/2023 13:08

I don't really like work socials.
I notice that people get into their own little cliques and everybody talks shop or about things concerning their own little group, at work socials.
I don't go to most work things.

Mary46 · 02/09/2023 13:27

Used temp in a tennis club. Full of their own importance lol. Same op Im more choosy now think I got to 50 and stopped people pleasing! I hate big events Im just on edge at them

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