Have you made new friends in your 50's?

[Fwendi]

Im widowed for 6 years now, just downsized and sold the family home, and the youngest of my 4dc is about to go to university.

I feel like I'm about to enter a new/different phase of my life, and I'd like to expand it in some way, including making new friends. My existing friends are all very lovely but are either partnered, have children at home/younger than mine, work long
hours etc.

How do I find friends/expand my life?!

I'm in my early 60s and in the last few years I've made some new friends though volunteering and group music lessons. Could you do something like that?

Yes, through my GC women's group and school mums.

I'm 53 and have made new friends at my gym. We go for coffee, brunch etc.

No real advice I’m afraid but I’m in a similar age range and moved to a new city, post divorce, a few years ago. One thing I did that was fun and started up two good friendships was me setting up a Meetup’s group for women - we’d meet in a pub, chat, whoever wanted to come along. I made it 40s/50s, female only, and put a detailed description together making it clear it was a social get together for anyone looking to meet nice new people. Was quite labour intensive but it did get me out there and was fun. I also did a couple of running courses which were good for fitness but produced no friendships at all as everyone just disappeared off afterwards! Ditto with gym classes etc.

Good luck with it, I think there are lots of women our age looking for new people and new horizons.

Yes, several. One I met in an art gallery, a few are DS’s friends’ parents at his new school, one I met through a neighbourhood volunteering thing, one was our architect on a house renovation.

Absolutely loads. Craft classes like pottery or painting; voluntary work; bowls; just chat to women your age.

Yes classes at the gym, most people are up for a chat, with a few I exchange messages and meet up now. Have more in common with them than the school mums now our kids are all older and doing different things.

Meet Ups is a good way to make new friends. It's not about dating - just finding like minded people to do mutual activities with eg going on walks, theatre trips, comedy nights. I did these three activities locally when I was newly separated with separate Meet Up groups and made friends with three like minded women and we made our own group for coffee meet ups. We also did a car boot sale together which was really funny even though we didn't sell loads but had a laugh. You can search for groups in your area. Good luck and enjoy your new found freedom!

Another vote for local volunteering. Have met some of my best friends in the last 5 years.

Get a dog ..
Don't just get freinds your own age go you ger or older .. freind s done have age range .
Exercises group run in church hall
Join Facebook and add people you meet on there .

Yes through volunteering and a reading group (a serious one but people are lovely and we have a big shared interest). I also made a few friendships that could have continued (but didn't because of covid) when I took a spanish conversation class.

I love the volunteer friendships because the people are all very different - different political views, different backgrounds but united by commitment to the charity. It has been very refreshing to get out of my bubble.

U3A

University of the third age ( U3A) is an organisation for people who are retired or semi retired
Doesn’t cost much to join for the year ( between 10 and 15 pounds)
lots of groups and activities- you can just attend the monthly meeting
Brilliant way to meet new people
Google U3A for your area

I'm sorry you were widowed so young. That must be really difficult.

Do you work, or do you have days to fill as well ?

I would agree with others who suggest volunteering (which can be evenings, or daytime). But also joining things that you might just enjoy. My in-laws are never in, joining things locally and then joining with people they meet at these weekly things, to go on other things (day trips, meals out, even short breaks). There is so much going on, it makes sense to go along to things you enjoy doing, and you will find that friendships come out from that, rather than trying to "find friends" which can actually make you feel a bit lonely.
There are 100s of different ways to volunteer, too.

I think it is quite hard actually, and I think it depends on whether you want friends or are willing to accept company or companionship. Friends take a while to develop, years sometimes. Volunteering is a good way, so is work, even PT. Travel can satisfy if you are brave enough to do it alone. Clubs (rambling and the likes) might work. I enjoy the company of my companions at the gym classes but they are older than me (I'm mid 50's but retired) and they have their own friends that they have known from the gym for years. It is difficult because "potential younger friends" also have lots of claims on their time and I think women are quite protective about their friendship groups. Without wanting to sound sexist, I think it is easier for men, they can go to a snooker club or golf club with a half friend or acquaintance, and then talk to others, and although I am sure cliques exist, it seems easier to break into a group because an event or activity is coming up that they can then take part in. You obviously have some lovely friends from your life, another thing to do is gently try and re-kindle some of those. I think it will take time, and some patience with dead-ends, but if you are up for it, I think you will get it. xx

@drspouse How did you find your GC women’s group? Oh how I need one!

Does she mean Golf Club?!

I'm sorry you lost your husband so young, that must be so hard.

I'm in my early 50"s and have met so many people via my dog - would you consider getting one? it opens up a whole new social scene.

Thank you so much for the replies and suggestions.

I do volunteer somewhere, and now that I will have more time on my hands, I will give more hours over to this.

I'll try and join things too but I have to be in the right mood to be sociable! Sometimes I find it easy to strike up conversations, other times I feel too shy/awkward!

One of my oldest friends I met when I was in a car park, having dropped one of my dc at nursery. I saw a woman in the same car park crying, so I went to ask her if she was ok. She wasn't, so I suggested she come home with me - and we were friends for 20 years! (Well, we're still friends but she's moved away now).

Meant to say that yes, I'd love to give a dog a home, but I think I need to settle into my new house first.

And thank you for the condolences.

I have made some new friends in my fifties by joining a walking group. I’ve been going for a year or two and we have got to know each other over the year and we now go for a coffee after the walk each week. I also go to a Book group and craft group. I’d like to meet some more people in their fifties too. I managed to lose a few friends over the last few years. Sadly my best friend died suddenly. Another friend seemed to go a bit odd after covid and got involved in a bit of a cult/ scheme. 😬I seem to have quite a lot of friends in their seventies and eighties.
what sort of volunteering are you doing?

Joined sport club that organises non sport meet up events too

Joined local social club

I signed up for ladies beginner golf lessons. One of the other ladies sled a few of us if we wanted to join a golf society so we all joined one together and play twice a week now.
I never thought I would want to play golf, I am totally terrible at it but really enjoy it and I have met new friends.

I think it was actually via MN, there was a general thread linking up people in different areas (we're talking 2017/2018 here) and we all connected via anon emails and then met up in twos and threes in pubs but the first time I went to a meeting we were in a fairly quiet pub and we were all ranting loudly, luckily the bar staff didn't seem bothered!

(If I were looking for one in a new area, I'd probably look for the Twitter account for Resisters in a given area - you may need to join Twitter anonymously to message them, but no need to post after that. They will likely want to meet you individually before inviting you along).