Toddler hitting others for no reason

[jolene8]

A few weeks ago my DS (22 months, will be 2 in October) starting a hitting others phase. Prior to this he was very soft and gentle natured and would always be the one hit or pushed. A few weeks ago we were at a soft play when he climbed up the steps to go down a slide while I waited at the bottom for him and he was kicked down the stairs twice by an older girl around 5 or 6 (the second time I didn't realise she was there was she was hiding in the corner otherwise I wouldn't of let him up alone). Since then, and I don't know if it's related or just co-incidence but he's quite wary of other kids and going anywhere we go he's trying to hit other kids. I have such anxiety about taking him anywhere now because I know this will happen. I don't leave his side and mostly manage to prevent the hitting by pulling his arm away but a few times I've not done this in time and he's hit out.

Sometimes it will be because they take a toy he was playing with but sometimes it will be for no reason at all and they are simply walking past, sometimes because I say not to do something, or sometimes just because they come into his space. We left the park today after warning him not to do it again and he did. I always apologise to the child and parent but often met with hostility or ignore me which makes me feel so nervous about going anywhere and judged. Whenever DS is hit or pushed, the only time I get annoyed is when the parents completely ignore the situation, if the parent apologies I am totally understanding and know it's not the parents fault (I hope it's nothing I've done but it doesn't stop me feeling like a really shitty parent).

I really don't know how to stop this so I'm praying someone has some advice on what to do if they've got through similar. I'm always telling him we mustn't hit and it hurts etc we must be kind to others, he is always kind and gentle with animals but I can't seem to go anywhere at the minute without him attempting to hit someone. He hits at home aswell to me and DP if he isn't happy with something and we will put him down and obviously tell him but I'm obviously not managing this very well as it's all relatively new and he is our first. We are going on holiday next week to a family resort and I'm starting to feel dread. Sorry for the long post, thank you if you got this far!

Just giving this a hopeful bump 😊

Hitting is a common phase for toddlers and you just need to ride it out. Supervise him closely at all times with other people around, and try and intervene if he goes to hit like you are doing. Perhaps avoid anywhere where there is very large numbers of kids like a soft play, or go at quieter times. Leave if he tries to repeatedly hit.

Use a simple phrase such as “no hitting, hitting hurts” repeatedly. Long-winded explanations of why we don’t hit will go in one ear and out the other at this age.

As you’ve done just apologise to anyone he hits and don’t take it to heart if anyone is shitty with you - people have short memories of their own child’s shortcomings (although I’m sure someone will be along to tell you their toddler never did anything wrong..).

This was my toddler a year ago. I genuinely feared taking him anywhere with children. I had to stop going to toddler group because it was just too stressful. I even cried a few times because it was non-stop.

I just tried to intercept when I could and stayed very near by when other children were around. Also did the 'no hitting', etc.

He is now 3 and completely non violent- unless somebody hits him, in which case he will hit back. I can now leave him to play with others.

Honestly, it's a phase. I wish I could have seen into the future whilst I was sobbing to my health visitor that I was concerned something was up (she reassured me it was normal, some kids hit more than others and apparently it's a red flag if they completely miss this stage).

Just ride it out as another difficult chapter in the fun that is child rearing.

Good luck!!

It’s really, really normal. A sharp ‘no, we don’t hit’ and moving him on to something else best. But then let him go back and give him a chance to play nicely and redeem himself, if he wants to, otherwise he’ll never learn. It’s important that other parents can see you’re doing something and are on top of it but really, don’t let it spoil time together, that’s mad. I do get you though. It’s not the nicest phase but really, all part of a rich toddler tapestry!

And you’re managing it fine. Really.

Thank you for the responses, I'm really hoping the stage doesn't last long. None of my mum group friends have mentioned their kids (same age) going through this so was concerned and I was embarassed to bring it up to them. I'm actually looking forward to when the kids are back at school so that it's quieter when we go out.

@Mumuser124 did your DS just randomly stop one day, how long did the stage last for you?

As long as you’re there trying to stop him I wouldn’t be annoyed or judge you. Some toddlers hit, it’s a phase and it won’t last. Luckily none have mine have been hitters. They have all been through other tedious stages though and none of them have lasted.

The times my children have been hit I’ve only ever been annoyed or judgemental when the parent is over on the other side of the room or playground and comes over when they’ve seen their child hitting, or being gently restrained by me to stop my child being hurt by them. Surely if you know your child is likely to hit others you watch them like a hawk until the stage passes. Which sounds like what you are doing OP. Just keep on and it will pass.

Welcome to the toddler years! They all seem to change around their second birthday and quite dramatically at times.

Two year olds hit, bite and push and tantrum. It isn't something you've done wrong, it is a phase where their brain and development is moving so fast and they are reacting to it.

Just remain calm and consistent and set firm but fair boundaries. There can be some hard months but toddlers can be fun and funny too.

I just came across this thread as I cry into my tea. Really struggling and today has been the worst. I’ve walked out of a playgroup in tears, after he hit and grabbed so many children for no reason whatsoever , managed to calm him and went for a walk. Met my friend for soft play (already booked and arranged) he did the same there so I brought him home. He’s fast asleep now and I’m sat in tears. Reading your posts really reassures me! Thank you! How are things now??? Did it last long???? Please tell me it will be ok soon??? Do I avoid groups of children until he’s 3?! I’m so exhausted apologising for him all the time :-((((

I'm new to Mumsnet, having just googled "toddler hitting others for no reason" and being brought here.

Our 2.5 year old is an amazing kid - so kind, happy and fun. A wide range of interests, from football to insects to baking. He's high energy sometimes - running around like a lunatic :D but also loves colouring and building towers etc. He doesn't really get much TV - just one or two Julia Donaldson "movies" at the weekend.

But for the past 6/7 months he's been randomly lashing out at kids. Sometimes there's a clear trigger - someone takes his toy or pushes him - but other times he'll just run up and scratch a kids face. This morning my wife went in to say good morning to him and he smacked her with no warning. With me he's (99 times out of 100) gentle and kind.

We tell him "no hitting, that's not kind", "we only use kind hands etc". and he can repeat everything. We pick him up from crèche and he'll tell us "today I hit X and Y" but then 2 minutes later will say "I won't do any hitting, hitting makes people sad". Hell often apologise after he hits. Two parents keep complaining to the crèche that our son is hitting their sons, so we're getting regular updates from them at collection. Tbf he's come home with his fair share of cuts and bites too. (Thankfully he doesn't bite!)

Is it just a phase? How long will this last :( I think I, and most of you, just want reassurance that my toddler doesn't a) have a behavioural issue and b) will grow up to be a thug. I don't think either are the case, as there's so much gentleness and kindness in him. But I just want him to be like that with his peers too!

It’s like you’re talking about my son in your post. Such a relief to read I’m not the only parent struggling with hitting behaviour! Hoping in a couple of months this will be behind us !! 🤞🏼

I've just come across this thread and am so grateful for all the messages. My 2.5 year old has recently started hitting/pushing. He’s the sweetest most loving little boy but all of a sudden he will hit or push others, it’s so reassuring to see we aren’t the only ones. I’m finding that no one around me really acknowledges that their children behave the same way (I’ve witnessed it) so it’s been sending me into such a Google spiral!

praying this is a short lived phase!

My post, 2 above yours, is from May of this year. We were at our wits end, meeting regularly with crèche about it etc. Then suddenly it just stopped. Totally stopped! We went on a week long holiday to Spain and when he came back crèche said the hitting/pushing had just disappeared. He was always amazing with me at home - kind, pretty gentle etc - and after a week or so of being back after holidays the crèche manager told me "I feel like we now have the little boy you're seeing at home every day". It made me so, so happy :) it's just a phase. You're probably doing everything right, you just need to ride it out. And a lot of children go through the phase so you're not alone. Some have it worse (punching, biting, spitting) and some have tmit better (a few pushes or lashes out). Don't feel like you're doing anything wrong.

Any advice for this? Having the same issue with my son.

My 2 year old has been doing this. I tell him what we DO hit eg floor, sofa, pillow, bed and what we don't then go through a little quiz. Then we practise gentler stroking with people. Then recap before we go anywhere. If he hits he is immediately removed from the fun. He's got it quite quickly