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Original poster

Is this Financial abuse

23 replies

chychyete · 27/08/2023 21:39

Hey everyone just need some advice as I don't have much friends to run to....

I'm 23 and my boyfriend is the same age I have a son with another person at the moment my boyfriend doesn't have a job I've been working and taking care of everything I know it sounds stupid but I even given him money when he needs it to buy his essentials and other stuff.

He wakes up everyday in a mood bec he doesn't have money and it puts a big strain in our relationship because there's no more communicate he just sits there in silence and after working so hard and when you come home you just want some communication with the one you love it makes me really upset I've spoken to him about it but he says he understands but actions says differently

I feel he's very ungrateful for the amount of things I do especially having a toddler and a house to take care of.

I've stopped doing as much as I use to for him and he complains and says i'm changing I try to explain to him that if I keep giving you your not going to go out and look for a job because you've become very comfortable and entitled if I don't give him he starts to change his mood and sometimes I just give because I just want a peaceful household

I keep explaining to him that I just feel like he's not getting it and understanding that there's a child here and I have to also look after my child I just can't keep giving him things

I'm so sick and tired of this and my emotions are changing each day and I realised this is not the man I fell in love with He’s soo different but when times are good i'm really in love with him

It's like i'm sleeping with a stranger!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/08/2023 21:42

Don’t get pregnant and kick him out.

Adelaide66 · 27/08/2023 21:42

You are worth better than this

deClutterBugz · 27/08/2023 21:43

Get rid of him, he sounds awful.

Original poster
chychyete · 27/08/2023 21:43

Forgot to also mention he's been begging to have a baby together but I don't think it's the right time with his attitude especially him not having a job

He doesn't know how to balance out his moods sometimes I think he has a bipolar disorder

I'm tired of not being seen anymore i'm just very lonely

OP posts:
RhymesWithTangerine · 27/08/2023 21:45

Obviously don’t have a baby with this using loser.

You do sound like you know what’s going on. I think you need some self esteem - kick him out. Why is he even in your house?

DustyLee123 · 27/08/2023 21:48

Your son will be learning from this loser.

ArsMamatoria · 27/08/2023 21:48

Ah, you have yourself a cocklodger.

Think of it like this, the money he takes off you to sit around doing fuck all, is money that could be going towards your child's future.

Don't have a baby with him for goodness sake!!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/08/2023 21:52

FGS don’t have a baby with a lazy man who won’t get a job and sponges off you!! Honestly, you need to get shot of him- you deserve much better.

whatsmynameaga1n · 27/08/2023 21:54

You are so young and this man is not bringing what you need into your life. You need to end it!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/08/2023 21:56

Oh course he wants a baby. He thinks you'll never be able to kick him out for being a waste of space/financially abusing you even more than he is already then.

Kick him out now and spend your money on yourself and your child.

FlyingMonkeyNever · 27/08/2023 22:02

You know that what’s happening is not right.

He’s using you. You do not not need to give him any of your hard-earned money because he does not want to get a job. You are not responsible for him. You are only responsible for you and your child. Kick him out ASAP.
If he needs money for basics, he can claim Universal Credit (UC) or get a job.

Do the Freedom Programme to help you identify and avoid losers like him in future:

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

The Freedom Programme Online Course

The Freedom Programme online course. Online version of the Home Study course and Living with the Dominator book by Pat Craven

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

FlyingMonkeyNever · 27/08/2023 22:09

I forgot to say that getting pregnant would be the worst thing you could do.

You surely would not want this cocklodger to be the father of any of your children.

He’s unable to financially support himself, so how would he help you to financially support a shared child with you!??

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/08/2023 22:14

Do NOT get pregnant. Double up on contraception that YOU control. Ie implant or pill as well as condoms

Kick him out.

Focus on your child
Focus on yourself (education and career)

Do the freedom program.
Stop shacking up with random cocklodgers.

Hth

DumpedByText · 27/08/2023 22:23

Why isn't he working though. There are jobs out there, he needs to do anything to bring money in. I couldn't be with someone who won't work, it's deeply unattractive.

caringcarer · 27/08/2023 22:56

ArsMamatoria · 27/08/2023 21:48

Ah, you have yourself a cocklodger.

Think of it like this, the money he takes off you to sit around doing fuck all, is money that could be going towards your child's future.

Don't have a baby with him for goodness sake!!

This. He wants a baby with you to try to trap you to him. If he doesn't make you happy as Nd doesn't try to get a job he's dead weight and everything you give to him deprives your child. Ask him to leave.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 23:11

STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED of course he wants to trap you with a baby so he can keep a roof over his head. You need to TELL him to move out until he can contribute towards bills and rent (or just break up with him really)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 23:13

One of my friends just 'accidentally' (I don't think he was pulling out) had her second Abby with a jobless man who 9 months later is still 'starting a business' that has gone nowhere and pays nothing towards the bills or nursery fees- she is stressed out of her mind and he is getting more and more into debt she feels totally trapped and so stigmatized with two kids from two men she sees no way out- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED you can escape

TicTacNicNak · 27/08/2023 23:19

It's not financial abuse OP, he's a classic cocklodger.

He is not emotionally mature, and is not financially stable, so you should not be entertaining the idea of having a baby with him. Please be very careful with regards to your contraception.

How long have you been with him, and is he living in your home? If so then it's time to kick him home to his mother. Spend some time building up your self esteem so that your next relationship is with someone more worthy, and don't be quick to introduce them to your child.

Dotcheck · 27/08/2023 23:20

OP
You are a superwoman. You support yourself and your little guy, and look after everything at home. You can do anything.
You are a catch, and you deserve someone who is your equal- someone who works, will support you emotionally and be a proper partner.
This guy is not good enough for you.

WeeOrcadian · 27/08/2023 23:21

He literally brings NOTHING to your life

You're worth more than this

And FFS - don't have a baby with him

Echio · 27/08/2023 23:22

Ah OP, I have a feeling you know what you want to hear from us or you wouldn't have posted.

It's not good to be in a one-direction relationship with someone without ambition for themselves. A baby will not solve this situation, it will make it harder. I know the brain can do crazy things to make you really want more children, but you have another 15 years or more ahead of you for that :)

My best advice is: if this was a friend of yours, what would you be telling them?

Echio · 27/08/2023 23:24

Dotcheck · 27/08/2023 23:20

OP
You are a superwoman. You support yourself and your little guy, and look after everything at home. You can do anything.
You are a catch, and you deserve someone who is your equal- someone who works, will support you emotionally and be a proper partner.
This guy is not good enough for you.

Edited

Totally this!

Original poster
chychyete · 28/08/2023 10:14

Thank you soo much everyone yes I definitely know what I have to do but when you fall in love with someone in the beginning and everything was so different it hurts really hurts when things start to change ... he's definitely getting kicked out and i'm going have a talk with him that i'm worthy of so much more.

To answer some questions

Yes he lives with me that I pay rent in and bills ..... yes i'm definitely on contraception and trust me no babies are going to be coming from him bec he's getting kicked out and I won't be turning back

And I've known him for over a year now

OP posts:
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