Friend doesn’t reply to text or doesn’t reply for months

[Autumn12455]

What do people do in this kind of situation?
Friend texts then I reply and ask a question about her/ how she is/ that kind of thing. She then doesn’t reply to subsequent question.
Or, eg I asked her 7 ish months ago if she wanted to go for a bite to eat and she only just replied a week ago! She did say sorry for delay but no explanation.
I could understand if she had kids or mega busy work life, but she stays on her own and works from home, very normal hours. She doesn’t have a mega busy social life either.
I was about to reply when the text came in,
then thought no I’ll wait as she has taken 7 months to reply.
As the week has gone on, I’ve kind of lost the enthusiasm to reply due to the pattern of this.
What do others do in this situation? Thanks

Honestly, I would just take it as a hint she can't be bothered to have a relationship with you.
My SIL does this, she just doesn't reply. I've finally got the message and left her to it!

From my experience it means they don't want to be friends anymore. It's shit and it hurts. Stop texting her and see if she checks in with you. I bet she doesn't.

I’d try being more specific. “Do you want to go to Santa Maria pizza place on Wednesday evening?”

Sorry I agree with pp. she's not interested in a friendship with you. 7 months is a long time!

I do this, it isn't intentional. If I don't reply straight away I get in a cycle of thinking I need to reply, but it's too late to reply. Rinse and repeat x1000.

You know your friend though. So I would go with your first inclination.

My pal did this, gradually went from a few days to weeks to months. Sometimes she would reply but only to specific messages and shut down the dialogue, like I'd say 'can we meet Thurs, if you can't do you want to pick another day' etc and she would reply Thursday doesn't work sorry, I'll let you know when suits. Then 3 months later I'd try again. I eventually stopped initiating and heard nothing from her in 4 years. It was terribly upsetting and still is when I dwell on it. Sorry OP but I think your friendship is probably heading this way too.

I'd take it to mean, she doesn't really want to bother with you anymore. Sorry.

I don't know. It's really weird that she did actually reply to you about a meal 7 months later; maybe she is just completely inept at texting and maintaining a friendship! I'd be inhlined to think the same as the others, except for the fact it would have made more sense to NOT reference a meal with you, after all this time!

I should have said for context that she isn’t someone I’d meet up with every week or few weeks if that makes any difference.

You may all be right in your replies. I did think more along the lines of it being bad manners or trying to feel more important or something.
Just wondered why she would send the initial texts in the first place if she wanted to phase out the friendship… I don’t know….

Some people are just like this. Not very communicative. Is she quite introverted?
I'm not a big txter..I don't reply for days. Luckily I'm married to someone exactly the same and most of my friends are the same. I have messenger conversations with friends that will have gaps of months on both sides and the chat just continues like there's been no gap.

I have found it stressful when someone with a different communication style tries to embark on a friendship with me. I can't handle pressure to message back immediately. I hate phonecards.

No one owes you friendship from either side and if this person can't meet your needs then you could end the friendship. But if you are ending the friendship because you think this means she doesn't respect you or doesn't like you that could be way off because genuinely people just sometimes have very different communication needs.

Ring her instead?

My friend did this to me constantly for around 2 years. I’ve cut ties now, they’ve got married had babies etc but I don’t feel that I’m missing out on anything as I’ve gone so long without her presence. Sad as we were inseparable from 17 to 24ish. No reason for her delays other than she’d moved away and replaced me with her partner and new friends. No matter how often I offered to drive to her etc nothing ever came of it. Cut your loses now. Take a while to reply and see how she acts. Of course only do that if this is a change to how she normally are. Mine used to replay straight away and it slowly got long and longer so I cut ties

There's a massive difference though between not replying for a few days (I do this too, especially if my plans are a bit up in the air and I don't want to commit straight away, for example) I then randomly saying sorry you couldn't make a meal 7 months down the line though!
That's what I find strange!

I have a friend who takes days and days to finally reply to me, but if i dont reply to him within the hour i get ?????

Is she going thorough the menopause? I have found myself being like this and I know I’m being awful but the anxiety and lethargy combined is awful.

If I pick up my phone and there’s an unread message then I have to read it because ignored notifications stress me out, but I don’t generally have the inclination to reply there and then (because I am doing something, hence why I picked up my phone) but I no longer have the notification to remind me to reply.

It’s nothing personal. People I don’t want to reply to at all will never get a reply. And I certainly wouldn’t text them first.

…but 7 months seems like a long time. Not sure what else you can do either.

I can get a bit out of sight out of mind with people, and I lose track of texts if I read, but can’t reply straight away.

It’s an adhd issue in my case and because I’ve recognised and understood it, I now know I have to glance over recent emails, texts and WhatsApps once a week when I’m filling out my diary.

The number of times I’ve typed a reply but not pressed send is ridiculous. Or replied to a weeks old comment thinking it’s new. Although at this stage of life, I’m letting the people who can’t cope with me drift away because I simply don’t have the bandwidth to manage the hurt feelings. I think the ones who just jump in and out of conversations after a few months silence might be my tribe.

You may be reading intentions into her silence that aren’t really there, but on the other hand if it bothers you too much it’s ok to draw your boundaries.

I often wonder about slow repliers especially when you know (from being in their company) that person/friend/acquaintance/family member.... to be someone who has a mobile phone constantly attached to their hand. Not sure the reason but I narrow it down to i) self importance or ii) phasing out.

I do this but with being the first to text in a while. It only ever occurs to me at 1am in the morning when I can’t text them - rinse and repeat!

If I receive a text I can’t not reply as it sort of hangs over my head until I’ve done it.

Nearly all my friends reply really quickly and we can arrange a meet-up in the space of a few mins. However (let’s call her Jane) I have almost given up on Jane; if I message and say are you free for lunch one Saturday, and offer a couple of options, she won’t reply, so the offered dates just end up ‘pending’ and if other friends suggest something on those dates, I’m a bit stuck because they’re offered to Jane.

Unless you’ve been kidnapped or are in a coma, you can usually find time to send a quick message?

@Thursdaygirl I would accept the other offer to go out if she doesn't reply.

I'm autistic so people tend to do this to me all the time. I've stopped giving a shit. I just leave them to it x