Feeling Sad About Certain Friendships

[RabbitsRock]

I have particular friends who I met through our children when they started primary school. It was lovely & they were very supportive but over the last few years, we haven’t seen half as much of each other. It doesn’t help that DD14 is deregistered from school. I have noticed that it’s always me that suggests meeting up ( group meetings are difficult anyway because of everyone’s commitments, plus I fell out with one of the gang a few years back) & it can go for several weeks if I don’t contact them. I am also friends with one of the group’s Mum & was quite hurt to see on Facebook how much she has been doing without any contact with me. I’m not sure how to play it, because when we do see each other it’s great. Shall I just cut my losses & concentrate on the friends that are more present? Guess there’s only so much you can do.

I think it’s natural for school gate friendships to drift a bit once the kids leave - you don’t see these people every day anymore on the school run and so not so present in each other’s lives. What do you mean when you say one of the mums was on Facebook doing things without you? Do you mean she was doing stuff with the group and you weren’t included? Also what did you fall out with the other mum about -could it be that people are sub consciously taking sides or just don’t want to get dragged into any drama?

Luana1 - it was the Mum of one of the Mums in the group & she was mainly with her friends that I don’t know but it was just a bit upsetting that she has time for them but doesn’t suggest doing anything with me & her daughter.
The falling out wasn’t major but I tried a few times to reconnect with her & she was having none of it so I did start to think that perhaps the friendship wasn’t as close as I had thought. This happened quite a few years back & I don’t think it affected my relationship with the others apart from we couldn’t all meet up together.

Anyone out there?

Anyone? Would appreciate some advice.

As I get older I just let people do what they want. If the relationship feels balanced between them and me, then great. If not, then I don’t chase anymore and just pull away or let it drift until it feels balanced or peters out. Sometimes I do feel a little sad about friendships that have drifted but it makes me feel sadder trying to chase something that used to be great but isn’t so much anymore. I have had EMDR therapy which has helped me stop the cycling thoughts on “why they don’t want me in their lives as much as they did”.

Maybe they struggle with your decision to register her? She;s 14.

@RabbitsRock I think most friendships with primary school parents peter out as the children get older. I only see one set of parents from my DS primary school

I suspect it isn't because your child isn't attending school, but understand whybuou might feel that's the reason

If you fell out with someone in the group, that could be a factor, but not necessarily. Most people are quite good at not getting drawn into taking sides