What would you make of this?

[NC747474]

Long story short, you've got a table booked at a nice restaurant for dinner with family on the last night of a visit to see them.

One family member invites everyone for pre-dinner drinks at their house, only to present everyone with a full Christmas dinner style sit-down meal, 2 hours before the restaurant booking.

Restaurant obviously has to be cancelled. It's all quite awkward but nobody confronts the family member who has cooked to ask what on earth they were thinking why.

As a recent member of the family by marriage (and the person who suggested the restaurant and had been looking forward to it) what would you make of this?

It happened a while ago but every so often it pops into my head and I'm still baffled

This is so weird, did they definitely know you’d booked a restaurant? What if you’d paid a deposit/had to give card details like places often do now?

Why didn’t whoever is closer to them ask what on earth they were doing?

There might be all sorts os scenarios here. Maybe some people were short of money and too embarrassed to say so? I would just forget about it.

@Changingplace They definitely knew, and were there when SIL called to cancel the table.

That nobody asked remains the most strange thing for me. DH's best explanation is 'she'd have felt bad if we'd have said anything'. No matter how anyone else felt

@Tiredbehyondbelief I suppose there's always an outside chance of that, but it's quite unlikely given the person involved, and the amount they must have spent on the extensive spread! If they'd have said 'oh actually I'd rather cook for everyone at home' beforehand then that would have been fine.

It sounds like something my mum would do.

She hates eating out, thinks it's a waste of money, and thinks that everyone else must think the same.

So I could see her doing similar to this and expecting everybody to be very grateful.

Not sure what the motivation could be for your family member though? What explanation did they give?

@wineschmine No explanation, because nobody asked.

DH insists that this family member can do no wrong, but I'm not so sure there isn't a bit of a power / control thing going on under the surface somewhere (I'm basing this on a few different things, the above scenario included).

Was it your MIL?

Sounds a bit passive aggressive

Yes, as it happens. I deliberately didn't state that as I know MIL threads can be controversial / inflammatory around here.

FWIW though there's nothing against her from me, I barely know her actually, given we live in different countries and I met DH right before the pandemic kicked off.

That's absolutely barmy tbh - screams of trying to take control of a situation?

I hope you didn't have to cancel a large table / lose a deposit - especially if the restaurant couldn't re seat the table!

It's weirder no one said anything to the family member - surely one person at least would have asked why they've done it? Especially as you're off to a restaurant in 2 hours?? Why would they phrase it as a drinks invite then put on a huge spread? Potentially manipulate (especially given the reactions of everyone saying nothing) at minimum weird.

It's a very MIL thing to do and you can never refuse them

I think it's all down to the cost of the meal etc and them wanting to cut costs etc