Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How Do I recover From This? Feeling Really Stupid

6 replies

HarpieDuJour · 27/08/2023 17:38

I've been self-employed for the best part of 30 years. Business has always been good, even recessions. Recently, however, sales have really suffered and I decided it was time to get out and look for a job.

It turns out that having no references was a real stumbling block. There is very little in the way of employment in my area. After months of not even being able to access online applications due to not having references (no supermarkets here, the only large employer is the council and they insist on work references, not personal ones), I landed a job. Yay! It was a cleaning job in a factory (I'm being deliberately vague, sorry). I wasn't asked any questions at all when I went to enquire about the job, they just took my phone number. They didn't mention references, just asked when I could start. I got the impression that I was the only applicant, but nobody said so outright.

I started shortly afterwards. The job was fine, but very physical- there was a lot of hands-and-knees type floor-scrubbing and cleaning of industrial ovens, machinery etc. I was exhausted, but I did a good job and it felt good to be earning money.

Usually I would start work after the other workers had finished and gone home, but after week, I came in at my usual time and the ovens were still in use. The heat was staggering, partly I think because there is fairly poor ventilation. However, I got on with washing down the walls and cleaning the sinks and toilets etc and was planning to start the ovens as soon as they were turned off.

I have had asthma for maybe 25 years, but rarely have to use an inhaler. However, the heat made my chest feel a little tight, so I got my inhaler from the shelf where personal items (phones, watches etc) could be kept during a shift, and took a couple of puffs. Then I carried on with my work. However, the owner had seen me and came over to ask if I had asthma. I said yes. Then he told me that he didn't know this when he hired me, and that it meant I was unsuitable for the job. I was really shocked, and just managed to say something like "okay, do you want me to stay until you can get a replacement?" but I was told no, that wouldn't be necessary. I was lost for words and I didn't know what to do, so I just told the assistant manager that I was going home and I left.

I'm fairly certain that everyone knows exactly what happened by now, or at least a version of it. I told my husband that I had an asthma attack and couldn't carry on because I was worried about it affecting my health. He's a shouter and wouldn't be likely to say or do anything helpful, so I'm just going to leave it at that unless I really need to tell him for some reason.

I've been avoiding going out or speaking to anyone ever since, and I feel really awful. I know that I need to pull myself together and face people again but I don't know how. I feel so stupid and humiliated. My business is doing much better now, but I can't guarantee that it will stay that way and I would like to work outside of my house as well.

To be honest, I would even be glad to hear that I'm massively overreacting. And yes, I do know that not being able to talk to my husband about this is a sign of a much bigger problem.

OP posts:
GFB · 27/08/2023 17:42

Glad to hear your business is picking up again!

You could try some volunteering? If you volunteer for a little while a charity will be happy to provide a reference.

Sayinglessanddoingmore2023 · 27/08/2023 17:43

You made the best of a really tough situation and anyone who is judgemental about your asthma and you having to leave your job is speaking volumes about themselves.

I think you just need to focus on how brave and hardworking you are and let the rest of it go.

Take care OP.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2023 17:44

You were self employed for 30 years and earned yourself a living, so you must be competent and capable, otherwise you'd have folded. Take heart from that - you are a capable woman.

Is there any way your previous business could lead to a paid job? An old client perhaps? And if not - surely an old customer would give you some form of reference?

References from employers don't usually say anything these days apart from dates of employment - is there anything you could use as an equivalent?

pollykitty · 27/08/2023 17:51

I think you’re being very hard on yourself. I admire your determination and it’s a bit shit they just let you go without any thought. I have asthma but it’s well controlled. A bit of a tight chesty feeling is not uncommon in heat. In any case, I’m not sure why you feel so stupid. You don’t have to tell anyone what really happened. You can say, business was slow, but it’s picked up, so I quit.

HarpieDuJour · 27/08/2023 17:53

Sayinglessanddoingmore2023 · 27/08/2023 17:43

You made the best of a really tough situation and anyone who is judgemental about your asthma and you having to leave your job is speaking volumes about themselves.

I think you just need to focus on how brave and hardworking you are and let the rest of it go.

Take care OP.

I think what is making me feel the worst is that I don't think it was fair at all to dismiss me. The person they got to replace me is allowed to start several hours later than I did, for health reasons. I could have been offered a similar accommodation, but the owner didn't even ask if I was okay, he just seemed really angry with me. It wasn't like I was wheezing all over the place, or unable to work at all, I just took a couple of puffs of my inhaler and carried on.

OP posts:
HarpieDuJour · 27/08/2023 17:57

Thanks, everyone, this is really helping. I will look into volunteering. Unfortunately, asking customers for references isn't possible.

It's strange how this feeling of uselessness and stupidity surfaces at difficult times. It was a bit of a recurring theme in my relationship with my mother and sometimes, it's hard to get her voice out of my head.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread