How do I get my lovely fat husband to lose some weight?

[Comealongtubs]

I'm really worried about my partner because he is 20 stone and doesn't move much at all. We've both always been a bit overweight but I recently lost 5 stone over the last year and I feel so much better- I've done it slowly with diet and I now have a regular exercise regime. I have come from being low energy and constant joint pain to being able to hike close to 20 miles in a day...

Finding out so much about health had made me worry about him too. He has a really sedentary job (unlike me) and works so hard so has little time to exercise plus unlike me he has never been active, had a very sedentary bookish childhood so has no precedent. I love him and am totally attracted to him, he is a lovely, funny, gentle and intelligent human, I just want him to live for a long time so we can be together and see the kids grow up.

How do I approach this with him? Anything any of you think will work?

Wow, well done on your 5st loss!

I would say you're in quite a strong position here. Im saying this as someone who has had to lose a fair bit of weight more than once so I know it's not all easy, I know about the emotions involved.

However, your DH is 20st rather than just a couple of stone over his fighting weight so I would assume he is well aware he is overweight and would probably like to lose it rather than this being any sort of surprise to him. He has also seen you make a big difference yourself. I feel as though this is a conversation you can afford to be kindly straightforward about rather than approaching with exquisite delicacy. It sounds like his general lifestyle including work is partly to blame rather than just poor eating and drinking habits.

Could you start out by saying 'I don't want you to think this is anything to do with my attraction or love for you, but I have noticed a huge difference to my health and fitness since losing weight and getting fitter. It really is noticeable. I think we had both put on weight before this, would you be interested in carrying on with the eating and exercise together?'

Tell him you love him and you're really worried about his health.

My friend's partner told her he loved her to bits, but he was worried out her health long term and wants many more years with her. Luckily for her, that's all it took.

I think I'd also be adding, that I'd do what I could to support him in terms of meals and diet. Some jobs are very tiring, but we all have a day off here and there, he hasn't necessarily go to do anything too energetic, but anything that gets him active, ie go for a gentle walk on day off, or a swim/something else at his own level where he hasn't got to compete. If you've got DC, maybe he can think about what he can offer, ie if they want to go on a bike ride, play a game with him in near future, will he feel he's got the energy.

The first step is to get him to the GP. He needs a proper health screen, including cholesterol, glucose, and blood pressure, plus baseline weight measurement.
He might be a candidate for Ozempic, if he is found to have diabetes, which would make weight loss a lot easier. But even if not, he can then be properly managed and advised.

Others might not agree but at that weight anything other than a gentle walk would be agonising so I think you need to start with food not exercise. He must be eating a huge amount to maintain that weight. You'll have to reduce portions by a little even 10% and make healthy alternatives to take aways. It's going to be tough to get him on board so you will have to be really positive so it doesn't feel like a punishing regime. Hopefully once the first few lbs are gone and he feels a bit of loss he will self motivate.

Well done to you on your loss

20 stone is a lot. Depending on height etc the BMI of a 6ft tall man says they should be between 9-13stone.

You're going to have to take baby steps probably. Too big of a change in a short time and it's unlikely to 'stick' if that makes sense.

So, figure out where the calories are coming in and start replacing the higher calorie meals for lower one. If he loves pizza and burgers, switch to healthier home made pizza with a salad and chicken burgers instead of McDonald's
If he drinks a lot of fizzy crap, don't cut him off or try the diet versions, but switch to nice juices or fresh smoothies with the sweetness of fruits etc.

Physical changes in habits are harder to get to stick, even smaller ones. But start by walking to places instead of driving to them. Replace work desk with a standing desk.
Suggest a hobby you can do together... not an exercise you can do together.. it makes a difference. "Here's a fun activity I want us to do" Vs "let's start exercising together"
Even something quite easy like a day out in a city for a walk around the galleries and museums etc. It's then about the fun day out... (but sneaking in the exercise)

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If you want to try and shock him into action:
Start looking at very special holidays to places he's never been. Somewhere once in a life time, a mo thin California, a Japan trip, Australia for Christmas, a tour of the UK Theme Parks etc.
Tell him you want to plan something really really special for 2030 because it's 2030.
but then tell him you're worried he'll be dead by then so you'll just book the one ticket.
(I know someone that did this in the 90s booking for the year 2000. It worked, her OH realised he had to do something or he wouldn't be around in a few years. but it upset him a lot for a week or so)

Hello everyone! I just wanted to stop by and say thank you.

I basically said to him that I loved him and I wanted him to be here to see the kids grow up... and for us to grow old together. We are getting older and it's time to get healthy. He agreed to try and has downloaded the calorie tracking app I have used (its great)

He's already started losing (after a couple more reminders) and is really happy.

It's so hard to approach this with anybody and I really didn't want to hurt his feelings. He has a surprising amount of stamina for his size and has been walking a bit more too- I dream of us being able to go on proper hikes together again!