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Original poster

Starting school without being fully toilet-trained

35 replies

Kirova · 27/08/2023 17:04

My younger daughter will be starting Reception in just over a week and still isn't very reliable in the toileting department, despite efforts put in over the summer. Older daughter is going into Y1 and she was in a very different place with it when she started last year.

Is it unusual for a child of her age? I'm worried that other kids may tease her, or that the school will be unhappy about it.

Would I be unreasonable to hope for the best and not make a massive deal out of it? I don't feel that stressing her about it is going to help in any way!

OP posts:
QuietDragon · 27/08/2023 20:03

School don't have any choice and can't exclude a child for toileting issues, it's discrimination.

Accidents in reception are very normal. OP I would help your DD learn how to change herself after an accident. Talk her through each step as she does it- wet things off, into a bag, dry things on etc. This is what the teacher/ TA will do at school, but obviously help her if she needs it too. Apart from that just send it plenty of spare clothes, she'll be fine!

KateyCuckoo · 27/08/2023 20:15

She's almost certainly severely constipated.

Original poster
Kirova · 27/08/2023 21:09

I'm not convinced about it being constipation - I know you can get "overflow" if it's backed up, but it doesn't seem like that to me. (There's too much of it, if you can excuse me being a bit graphic!) I'll mention it at the GP though and thanks for flagging up.

Thank you for the thoughts about getting her used to changing and taking off wet things, it's useful if she's on top of what she needs to do in case it happens at school. She's pretty good with taking clothes off and on and she can do her own shoes and everything, so she should be able to more or less sort herself if needed!

I'm also going to be tougher with reminders! Sometimes it is a drag because she can be stroppy about it - "I don't need to go, I'm BUSY" - and then 10 minutes later, "I need to go NOW!" She's not really had the soiling issue before and I am fairly sure it's because of this stomach thing rather than anything else.

OP posts:

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YukoandHiro · 27/08/2023 21:10

My Dd was the youngest in her year and had quite a few accidents in reception. It was fine.

boomtickhouse · 27/08/2023 21:39

Several lines of attack needed:

GP discussion - likely will suggest laxities to treat chronic constipation from everything you've said.

Ignoring the need to go - make the clean up operation more hassle for her than going for a quick wee. At school if she has an accident she'll be taken away from her play/friends and expected to change herself. Make sure you're making her change herself now and talk to her about missing play, next time just have a quick wee and it will be better.

Rewards for dry days.

DoughnutDreams · 28/08/2023 04:08

Have you thought of trying some absorbent pants? Like period pants but for potty training. If she knows when it's happened they might be easier to change than the whole outfit, and no embarrassing puddles for her.

Original poster
Kirova · 28/08/2023 12:05

DoughnutDreams · 28/08/2023 04:08

Have you thought of trying some absorbent pants? Like period pants but for potty training. If she knows when it's happened they might be easier to change than the whole outfit, and no embarrassing puddles for her.

I did think about it, but I'm worried it's going to give her too much of a safety net and she won't bother to go to the toilet! I feel like lots of reminders is the way to go (and flagging to school to do the same).

She had a messy accident this morning, but her stomach seems upset again. Poor kid. I'm glad we've got the GP appointment tomorrow because it's been going on too long and definitely isn't helping matters!

OP posts:
Coffeeforus · 28/08/2023 12:22

Contact the ERIC charity - they are a bladder & bowel charity for children. I’ve spoken to them a couple of times about DS and they are very helpful. They also have a lot of information on their website.

unlikelychump · 28/08/2023 15:20

I also had everyone tell me my son was constipated and I knew he wasn't. We tolerated a year of movicol too,but that docs could never find evidence. It turns out he has interoception issues and cannot feel a need to go. I am not suggesting that your dd does given this is a short term issue, but don't fall for the constipation line if there is no evidence.

I might suggest some probiotics and a brat style diet. All 3 of mine had occasional runny bots after a bug.

DoughnutDreams · 28/08/2023 16:47

Something else to think about - did she have a bug around the time the tummy upsets started? It's common to have a period of lactose intolerance sometimes.
Worth thinking/asking about coeliac disease too.

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