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Original poster

What are these bad thoughts I'm having?

15 replies

babybird123 · 26/08/2023 22:50

When someone has 'suicidal thoughts' does this mean they are thinking about how to actually physically end their life, or does it mean they are thinking about how their friends and families lives would be if they weren't around?
I was thinking earlier that if it weren't for my children, I'd want to curl up into a ball and not exist. I have lots of 'friends' but no true friends who really know me, my DH is horrible to me. I feel so lonely but I don't look it from the outside. I'm sick of hearing about people going off on holiday or living their best lives on social media. If I don't contact people, no one cares.

OP posts:
NotAsAnonymousAsYouThinkYouAre · 26/08/2023 23:10

Please go and speak to your GP, I went from feeling as you are to actively deciding on which method to use in a relatively short amount of time. It was a horrifically dark time. Thankfully I went and saw a wonderful GP.
Please speak to someone. with the right medication and support things will feel more positive for you and you won’t feel so affected by other people, SM or feel as lonely. Flowers

ForestofBears · 26/08/2023 23:20

What you describe is suicidal ideation, thinking about suicide without having an actual plan of how to do it and the intention to carry it out. I know the feeling well. Apparently, it’s a lot more common than you would think but no one talks about it. For me, the thoughts are there in the background a lot of the time, varying in intensity and occasionally tipping over into something stronger. It is recommended that you see a GP and discuss it, because you can get help to deal with things and hopefully stop these thoughts. Or it could help to talk it through with someone like The Samaritans, I was surprised by how helpful I found that once. These are dark and sometimes scary thoughts to have, try to reach out and get some support with them.

Anothernamethesamegame · 27/08/2023 00:12

I’m not sure what the answer is but just wanted to send solidarity. I often go through phases of feeling the same. I don’t feel truly close to anyone, other than my children. Occasionally I imagine just being able to sleep and not having to wake up. No actual plans though and I don’t think I’m at risk of actual suicide:

Ill follow with interest.
I hope you get some good suggestions on!

Mmhmmn · 27/08/2023 00:38

I'm sorry to see this and that your "D"H is horrible to you.

As others have said it would be an idea to speak to GP.

Can you see your way to leaving your H because a large part of how you are feeling must be attributable to his treatment of you (how dare he???) and you would likely feel a whole lot better without him around trying to make you feel awful.

Mmhmmn · 27/08/2023 00:48

This stuff on social media - please ignore or at least take with a colossal grain of salt. People are covering up all sorts of difficulties and unhappiness with their 'happy' photos and living best lives nonsense on social media. I think the more of this stuff people post, the more they are covering up. And the more everyone else sees of this dishonest claptrap the worse they feel. I felt so much better after coming off facebook.

Original poster
babybird123 · 27/08/2023 23:29

Thanks for your replies. Had another bad day today. Even my own family don't seem to want to engage with me going by the lack of conversation at lunchtime.

OP posts:
Sausagesandpeas · 28/08/2023 08:14

Can you make a GP appointment tomorrow to discuss it? It might be that you have shitty friends and family but you need to sort you out first before you can do anything else.

Original poster
babybird123 · 29/08/2023 23:24

I'm not sure what a GP could do for me.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 29/08/2023 23:26

There is medication and also talking therapies that can have a huge impact. You’re not well. They can help.

caringcarer · 29/08/2023 23:31

babybird123 · 29/08/2023 23:24

I'm not sure what a GP could do for me.

They can help you. Drugs and talk therapies. You must go to get help. Your DC need you.

ForestofBears · 29/08/2023 23:35

babybird123 · 29/08/2023 23:24

I'm not sure what a GP could do for me.

They can refer you for talking therapy and prescribe medication to help you deal with these thoughts. It’s really hard to talk honestly with a GP or anyone about this, but it might really help. Could it be worse than how things feel now? If not, it’s worth a try?

Original poster
babybird123 · 31/08/2023 00:45

Do you mean SSRIs, or something else?

OP posts:
Pennyres · 31/08/2023 03:19

I have no real advice but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone! I feel the same way.

I don’t know what it’s like in your area or whether you’d even want it but I do know that if the GP seems a big step at the moment (it is for me), you can self refer for talking therapy. I filled in the online referral in the middle of the night one night last week and got a link via email within 24 hours to book my 1st appointment (it is via phone). I’m booked for early next week but there were earlier times available, just not suitable for me. I had assumed that there’s be a long waiting list but did it out of despair really.

ForestofBears · 31/08/2023 07:45

babybird123 · 31/08/2023 00:45

Do you mean SSRIs, or something else?

SSRIs would be an option, but your GP might have other suggestions. I was initially prescribed an antidepressant that isn’t a SSRI, but that’s because of interactions with other medication I take.

Original poster
babybird123 · 31/08/2023 08:19

I've just booked a talking therapy appointment for next week. I've no idea what to expect though and not looking forward to it to be honest.
What is the alternative to SSRI please as I do not want to go back into those?
I really appreciate your replies as it makes me feel less alone.

OP posts:
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