Can I research 16yo’s boyfriend

[user1495553772]

My dd has her first bf. She’s 16 we’ve met him but he’s from another school so don’t know much about him. We thinks he’s playing her. I have a friend with a 16yo at the same school as bf. Is it wrong to ask the friend if he’s a player or ok bf material? We’ve not been in touch for a while.

What would you do if you did find out he's a "player"? Forbid her from seeing him? What are you actually worried about? Cheating? If something serious like you think he's a criminal or abusive or lying about his age I'd research, and I might have a curious google anyway, but otherwise I'd back off.

Absolutely not. Stay out of her business. If you discover he’s a wrong-un and tell her she’ll hate you for it. One of the worse things about a relationship break up at that age is the embarrassment and you’ll be delivering that with a fucking big red ribbon. Relationships at this age are practice runs, they are supposed to break down and go wrong/ burn out.
the only exception to this is if there is abuse of some sort or an age gap big enough to render it inappropriate but if it’s two teenage kids then you have to let it run it’s course.

I don't think you're going to get an accurate picture of his character based on rumours another adult might have heard about things 16 year olds are doing in school.

Eh? Just don’t get involved.

Why do you think he's playing her, what's he doing?

How weird. Unless you think she’s being abused, keep out. She’ll see soon enough if he really is no good. She needs to learn to sort the wheat from the chaff at some point.

Give the poor girl some privacy and don’t try to control her love life. Your job is to keep communication open , be welcoming to him and provide tissues and chocolate when they split up.

Who’s ‘we’? Unless your dd has actually asked you to go snooping round asking for rumours about her new boyfriend then butt out and mind your own business. What do you think is going to happen if you do hear something you don’t like?

Invite him round for a meal and make your own judgement about him. He is 16 so hardly likely to be able to pull the wool over an adults eyes. If you think he is a bit iffy then like the saying goes keep your enemies close. Invite him round,talk to him, find out about him. If he is a player he will get fed up with it and move on. If he is a nice kid you will get to know him better and be giving your dd valuable lessons in how to build good relationships.

Well when your dd finds out and she will, that'll just make him seem so much more appealing. It's not a great situation to put your almost friend and their child in. No-one likes a gossip.

How about equipping your dd with a strong sense of self worth and the ability to recognise good from poor relationships, so she knows to dump guys who don't treat her well.

And talk about contraception, where to get it. And where to get emergency contraception.

Don't do it. Best case scenario, he's not a player and you've just interfered in her love life. Worst case scenario, he is a player, she finds out but decides you know nothing and stays with him to prove you wrong. Either way, you've just lost the trust of your daughter.

You could try inviting him to tea or out with you for a few hours. If it sounds like they want time together, ask if he wants to come round and have a pizza/watch film with DD - that way you can be around when he turns up and have a bit of a chat, then keep out of their way or go out for a drink/walk. Either way, if he's genuine, he's more likely to accept an invitation.

Stay out of it.

If he is a player, that's for her to deal with. Teenage break up are a part of life.

Leave her be.

What is he doing?

What information you want on him would it be OK for others to find the same information about your daughter?

If you could find any that is

Creepy as fuck

Think you need to let this one go.

It would be interesting to know what the boy has actually done or said that gives rise to the opinion that he is a 'player', whatever that is (I have googled and there is more than one loose definition). He is only sixteen so not yet completely formed.

Unless he goes to the tiniest secondary school ever, why do you think that a mum or, necessarily, her DC will actually know truthfully what he's like in a relationship?

It's alarming that you don't realise how fucking ridiculous this idea is.

He’s been round numerous times, we’ve been very welcoming, gone out of way to be a taxi for them. Communication between us and dd is very open and she was asking for support. Yesterday was there a blow up, he never gives her full details of anything and now some female ‘who’s just a friend of his’ has gone off at him about an incident that concerned the daughter of my friend. He was so upset about his ‘just a friend’ going off at him he broke plans to see dd, after she travelled half hour to get to him. He wouldn’t say what the ‘incident’ involved at all. And has been very quiet today.

if y

My mum forbade me from seeing a boy.
So I did what every teenage girl does and snuck around and saw him anyhow.
If you want to guarantee the safety of your daughter, invite the lad into your home, give him a chance and get to know him and soon enough your daughter will tire of him.

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