Feeling like a failure

[Runningforitall]

I wasn't sure where to post this I am afraid but I am really looking for a bit of a hand hold here and probably a kick up the backside. I am really at a point in my life where I am so fed up, lost and have little support around me. In a nutshell I am 48 yo, one DD age 15 and a DH.

I moved from the NE 17 years ago to the SW. Met my DH 19 years ago just after I lost both parents (am an only child). I don't regret meeting DH but I met him when i was at a vulnerable stage in my life. I made the move to the SW after 3 years of commuting and it felt like the right decision. My work has always been really low grade work within private healthcare as it was all I was able to cope with after losing my parents and needed to just take anything when i relocated. I am not degree qualified, just HND. It was however easy for me to find work in the SW when I did relocate as I transferred to another branch in the SW.

However, fast forward 17 years and I am still missing the NE, I have had one awful job after another since being here, not because I am not settled but because of low level bullying, mis-sold jobs etc. all within the same organisation. My DH is and has also proven to be controlling over the years and has pulled a few sneaky moves I have since found out about (I won't disclose here). He also originally wanted two children but changed his mind to just one.

I really feel like I've had enough of it all. I am at the menopausal stage where I am starting to question a lot and do I really want to be living somewhere I dislike for another 30 years, with a DH who is negative and miserable and working in rubbish low grade jobs. I have just taken a years contract job in another department but can't help feel negative about the lack of future financial security if my contract is not renewed.

Help! I am intending to look at retraining but having done this before I may even choose a path I find I don't like. I am really stuck or am I being very ungrateful.

You're unhappy with your job, marriage and location. Time to change all three!

You sound unhappy, and your dd is getting toward leaving school age, so it’s time to think about what you would like. What would your absolute ideal be?

Is your DD likely to leave home/go to uni at 18? If so, can you make a plan, retrain before then and leave your DH when your DD has gone, relocating to the NE? Seems like a good way to start your 50s on a fresh footing in terms of location, partner, and work. No need to suffer another 30 years with the wrong set-up. Even if you don't like the new job direction, you'll have taken control, and you can't not do things in case it's a mistake. It's worse to stay in a situation feeling like a failure. However if you can bear it and it's not abusive, I'd stay till my DC was through the exam years at school, especially as being in the SW is a problem for you and you couldn't move away while she's still in your care. It doesn't sound like you'll be moving as a family and that's understandable given her age/education stage.

@Catsnap It would be fair to say a fresh start would be ideal. In work, I just need someone to give me a break but equally I know I'm not good at pushing myself forward for other opportunities, especially since having DD. Since having DD I have wanted specific hours, flexibility etc and this has come with working on a lower wage. Any other roles with a higher earning potential meant loss of benefits, more hours and more brain power needed which then/now I am not sure I have.
@pinkdelight I would want to wait till DD has finished her schooling although at this stage she is not sure. I can do my retraining now, although it will be for a role I will need to financially fund myself and there is always the risk of there not being much work available once qualified. Still nothing ventured.