I think I'm a kleptomaniac and I need help

[ivemesseduphelp]

I am posting here for advice and guidance, not judgement. I already know what I have been saying doing is wrong and that shoplifting is not a victimless crime. I feel so ashamed of myself and I am trying to work out a way forward. Nc for obvious reasons.

A bit of background - not by way of excusing my behaviour, just as contact - the cost of living crisis has hit me hard and I think my problem began one day when I was shopping and genuinely accidentally forgot to scan an item at the self checkout and only realised when I got home and checked my receipt. I think it was then it occurred to me I could ‘save money’ by not paying for all my shopping and it has escalated from there.

Well, the inevitable happened yesterday and I was caught by an undercover officer. He stopped me as I was leaving the store and asked me to take the items I hadn’t paid for out of my bag, which I did. He then asked if I had the means of I pay and I said I did so he took me to a till to pay for them. The items I hadn’t paid for came to a total of just over £4 and he said he wasn’t going to contact the police because of the low value but that I need to take this as a warning and not do it again which I absolutely am.

I think this has become habitual/compulsive and I am scared of going shopping again. I am trying to think of ways to avoid doing this again and so far all I have come up with is:

⁃	paying at a staffed checkout
⁃	Shopping online 

Does anyone know if therapy is available for this? I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for it but does the nhs support treatment for it? I would imagine not seeing as it’s a crime but I thought it was worth asking.

This was the wake up call I needed and now I have been jolted into reality I am disgusted by my behaviour and can’t believe what I have been doing. I know the undercover officer said he wouldn’t contact the police but I’m scared he will and that this could really ruin my life.

It's definitely something therapy can help with.
I would steer clear of NHS counselling purely cos of waiting lists. Where are you based as I could find places more local to you that may offer free or very reduced rate sessions and be far shorter waiting times.

No judgement at all, I think it's a big step that you've taken in realising it's not good for you and wanting to make a change. Well done.

I think the first step would be to talk to your GP to get a referral for therapy?

@BMW6 you don't actually have to go via your GP for counselling. You can self refer to so many different places both private or funded. This would save a lot of waiting around as waiting lists (in my area) are well over 4 months at the moment.
Self referral wait times (again in my area, may differ elsewhere) are around 0-4 weeks so it's worth considering as an option.

Also @BMW6 sorry if my previous comment sounds a bit snippy. It's not meant to. I'm just tired after work and not quite into my relaxed mode yet.
Any snippiness is not intended 😊

TBH I don't think that you have a psychological problem. You're short of money and you're pinching a few bits of food. Frankly I'm sorry you got caught. But you did. Just try not to do it again. You can get telephone counselling on the NHS, and can self refer. If you live in London there's something called The Listening Place - look them up - they are lifesavers. Also talk to citizens advice about money management and food banks. You don't have to be on benefits to use a food bank. You can pay a fiver a week and get shopping worth around twenty quid. Don't worry. This society is hugely damaging to people who are short of money.

You could definitely refer yourself to your local NHS talking therapies service. It’s my job, and although I’ve never given therapy to someone who habitually steals low value items, it feels like the kind of thing you could address through CBT. As for waiting lists, we don’t have one at all at the moment, we’re booking people straight in after assessment. No harm in getting an assessment and seeing what they say. Worst case they can signpost you to an organisation that can help.

I think that getting caught was the best thing that could have happened here. OP seems to think so too.

@recyclemeagain do you mind if I DM you my location? I'm a bit wary of putting it openly on here

@CriticalAlert thank you for being so kind and understanding. Unfortunately I don't live in London but I didn't realise you could go to food banks and not be on benefits so I will definitely go to Citizens Advice. I was wondering about getting a second job but my work can be unpredictable in terms of the hours so I couldn't really commit to anything at weekends or in evenings.

@LongStoryLong thank you for this, I actually think telephone therapy could be very helpful - I would feel very embarrassed and ashamed to talk to anyone - even a therapist - face to face about this

I don't mind at all, and totally understand about not wanting to say on here.

@recyclemeagain I can't work out how to DM on the app. I'm babysitting tonight trying to earn some extra money but when I can log in to my computer again I'll message you. Thank you for being so kind and helpful

On the MoneySavingExpert website you can enter all your outgoings and they will advise you what you can cut back on. We can do the same here. Have you looked at the EntitledTo website to see if you're entitled to anything? Do you have children?

@OhComeOnFFS I don't think I'm entitled to anything as I have a house and no children but I suppose it's worth a try. It really is so difficult these days although that's not an excuse for my behaviour of course.

Now that I am thinking about it properly I dread to think how much everything I have stolen over time amounts to. If the police were to properly investigate I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Well, you have stopped now OP and that’s what counts 🙂use this as a turning point. You sound committed to doing the right thing.

You might not even need therapy if you give your own solutions a try first.

I think they're very sensible and if you can stick to them, it might break the 'habit'.

Make sure you're not focusing on therapy and how to get it, as a way of avoiding actually changing your behaviour.

@WhateverMate thank you. I actually went back to the shop where I was caught today and paid for all the items I picked up. I needed to break the cycle and habit and show myself I could do it.

I would still like therapy though. My thinking around this is all messed up. Today when I paid for all my goods I felt like I was doing something wrong because I could have 'saved' money by stealing. That's not normal and i would like to get to the bottom of it.

As previous poster said, I’d try cognitive behaviour therapy for this as it will help you identify the thoughts and emotions that go along with this behaviour and why you do it as well as breaking that cycle. Every behaviour has a function. Therapy may help you identify the function of the behaviour and replace an unwanted behaviour with something much more positive.

My view of kleptomania is that it can feel like an addiction in that it quickly becomes a habit and can escalate. You are doing the right thing in seeking help. Your local NHS Talking Therapies service can advise you.
You can and will overcome this but will need support in understanding why the behaviour arose in the first place (it’s not necessarily about saving money but maybe your beliefs around saving money!)

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

@JaneAustensHeroine thank you for your insight. I'd love to know the function of the behaviour for me. It's bizarre that I feel guilty for paying for things because I'm not 'saving' money when stealing is an actual crime!

@ivemesseduphelp I guess it depends on what saving money means to you! These things get wrapped up in beliefs (about saving money or not spending it) which might have formed years ago. And maybe something triggered it recently?

I’m sorry you are in this situation. It must be really unpleasant. You are right to get some help. In the meantime, as you said, online shopping may be a temporary way round it.

Good luck!!

Just do your shopping online. No way of stealing with that.