Relocation to Kent - Living with parents with 2 year old

[3woods]

Hi all - First time poster long time reader!!!

Has anyone been through a similar situation or has any wisdom to help me feel more comfortable??

Its a long story but I will do my best to articulate it all. My wife and I (both 33yo) met at University and settled in Southampton 9 or so years ago. It was sort of in the middle between my parents in Kent and my wifes in Wales.

We had our daughter in 2021 and we decided to relocate to Wales at the time to be close to family. The purchase of the house fell through so we decided to stay put. We wanted to move house still so listed it on the market with the intention of moving more locally and setting up base here. We sold quickly but it took us months to find something that fitted what we were looking for (my wife is particular about the garden direction!).

Anyway back in June we found something that did tick all the boxes but needed a lot of work. It was literally round the corner from us and meant nothing in our life would change.

Since having the offer accepted its been a slow process and we are only just at the stage of getting the searches done. Also in that time my wife became unhappy at work and I also felt ready for a change. It felt like a pivotal moment in our lives and a time that we needed some change. As the thought of relocating had been planted many times before we decided a few weeks ago to pull out of the sale. Its a big commitment if we are both just going to want to move jobs afterwards anyway.

The buyers for our house have been very patient and they have just had a baby so we can't pull out of the sale here. We just morally can't do it.

We came up with the idea of relocating (temporally) to Kent to live with my parents. They kindly would accept us, and their granddaughter even more, with open arms!

We then put an extra spanner in the works and decided we could take the opportunity to take some time off work and take our daughter to Singapore and NZ. A trip we have wanted to do for sometime.

We have general 9-5 jobs as a project manager and a design engineer so it will probably mean taking a career break and finding new work when we return. The beauty is we can be open to where to live as we will keep the equity from the sale of the house and use savings to fund the trip.

I've missed a few opportunities to do similar in the past. We had the opportunity a few years ago to move to go travelling a few years ago and I couldn't do it then. I chose the easy route of sticking with the 9-5 and buying a house. I also had the chance to work in NZ but didn't go through with it then (my mums reaction didn't help). My wife and I have always regretted both missed opportunities. Now we are planning to do it with our daughter in tow. It'll be a different experience but just because we missed the opportunity then, now feels like the next best time.

Well since actually going ahead and telling the buyers we won't go ahead I am just riddled with anxiety. I can't decide if its all the change at once or just the shear difference of the plan now to a few weeks ago. It seems I am not very good with change!!

I don't see why not! How exciting!

I am absolutely confused.
You say you can’t pull out of the sale of your house but then say you have done?

I would just keep your house (rent it out while you are gone? ) go travelling and then you might feel clearer when you get back?

I’m assuming OP meant they can’t drop out of selling their house but they have dropped out of the sale of the house they were going to buy.

Absolutely go if you can! What a great opportunity. I assume your little one is still small and the memories you make will be amazing. Life’s to short to wonder.

I'd keep your house and rent it out until you get back. It would be madness to make yourself homeless, and spend your money on a luxury holiday, when you are married with a child. The child needs financial stability. You may not like living with your parents after years of independence. Or they may not enjoy having you all. You could look for work in new zealand if you want to relocate.

Wow. Do it. It will be amazing.

My friends husband took a role in another country for a few years.... I watched them go and return and was so jealous. I am risk adverse and would never do it. You seem to have the perfect chance.

Life will be here after to pick up. Or start again.

Do it! You will regret it if you don't imo

Do it, you are in a fortunate position to be able to do it, once your DC starts school, it’s not easy to travel for long periods.

Absolutely go for it, you have nothing to lose. You're selling your house anyway and can buy a house when you return and decide where you want to settle. As someone else said, it's an opportunity to take now as once your daughter starts school you won't be able to take her out! I wish I'd gone travelling with my DS when he was a baby as now we can't go.

What is your anxiety centered around? The living with parents? I mean, I'd rather rip my own skin off 😂but presumably you have nice parents.

Can you and your wife promise each other that moving into your own place will be top of the agenda once you're back in the UK?

I think the OP has confused the words sale & purchase. I think they are going ahead with their sale and have pulled out of their purchase.

I think it is a great idea, sounds reasonable well thought out and that it's so much easier to do this pre-school vs interrupting education.

Hey @MarshyMcMarshFace - Sorry as other posters have mentioned I did confuse the words sale and purchase. We have pulled out of the purchase of a new property and are committing to the sale of our current house.

@Beautiful3 - I know this is the most sensible route on paper. However the house isn't in the location we want to settle in so we are taking the time to find that place before we commit to buying somewhere else. Thanks for your opinion though, becoming reliant on my parents for housing at 33 is obviously one of the main concerns. We have to count our blessings that they have the space and are willing to temporally house us.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation - 😂 Yes my parents are nice but I know it won't be easy living with them. We all get used to our own space don't we!

I am not sure. I have never really experienced anxiety like this. I think its the uncertainty of it all. We had committed to moving from Southampton to Wales last year, and we changed our minds. Then we committed to staying in Southampton but have changed our minds again! I just want to be out of the limbo and I feel like this puts us in it even more.

Saying that, my wife and I have never been aligned so well that we are ready to relocate (somewhere!) and changes jobs at the same time so thought we may as well take the jump now to take a trip we have always wanted to do.

I am really a home bird at heart so all the change and uncertainty is unsettling for me. My wife is more spontaneous and is not half as phased with all the disruption. I want to prove to myself that it will be alright if we pull something like this off in a way so am committed to it. I'm just scared about what could go wrong. I am probably just less risk adverse in general. The funny thing is it was me who came up with the idea! Now I am the one doing all the worrying 😩

In regards to the house, we did speak about this and obviously we want to own our own home again as quickly as possible. So getting my wife a new job and finding a nice place to live close to that will be the priority after we get back. I am going to try and take a sabbatical from work to try and keep some stable income when we return. There is a venture I have always wanted to do on my own but I think going for that will be too much of a change all at once so I might start on the side when we get back and build it up from there.

Thanks everyone for all your replies. I think its clear its an opportunity the everyone (in general) thinks we should go for. I decided over the weekend to just focus on the positives of it all and try and not focus on the worries or concerns. Negative thinking can take over sometimes which isn't pleasant but this has the opportunity to be a great experience for us all as a family! I just like to know what the plan is in life but I guess that's half the fun of it all.