How do you get your dc to listen to you?

[1Biscuit]

I'm currently sat crying because my dc behavior has got so bad.

They are 6 & 8.

A year ago, people commented on what lovely, well behaved children they were. I could take them places and they would behave. They did have their moments but if I told them to stop or do something they would listen.

Now they are like completely different children. They fight constantly. They don't listen to me or their dad. They hit us and think it's funny. When we go out they demand things and shout and scream if they don't get it. They fight at the park and make a spectacle.

To be honest I'm too embarrassed to take them places now.

Today we went to a trampoline park and they did behave on the way but as soon as we got in the car to come home they were fighting again. They knew I would cancel it if they fought on the way so they waited til we'd spent ££ to start. They then screamed because we didn't stop for an ice cream.

Went to the park this afternoon and eldest ran past me and kicked me in the leg. Youngest then laughed and slapped me. I was with another parent and I was so embarrassed and exhausted I had to bring them home.

This is a regular occurrence. I don't know what's gone wrong and I need to be able to make them understand this needs to stop.

Do they really see you as in charge?

I personally think all that stuff about sitting them down and saying oh look how sad you made Mummy and this is why we can’t do nice things is a complete waste of time and a load of bollocks. After that display of ingratitude Xbox and Roblox would be gone (do they play online on those games? If so, that’s where they are getting this behaviour from). And every time they complain, it’s broken record time - you were a nightmare at X therefore until I can trust you, no screens, end of story.

Big girl pants on and take control. It doesn’t matter how you do it, but they need to know that YOU are in charge and they need to behave how you wish them to.

Are they boys?

Some really good advice from PP. Boundaries, consistency and following though, all vital. I admit I haven’t always done it and it has shown.

I recognise some of what you have written. My two went through a phase, one summer, of arguing with each other constantly and it was exhausting. Every day is a fresh start (easier said than done!)

It’s tough and you are doing well. The summer holiday is nearly over and “this to shall pass”. Some children really can’t cope with the break in routine.

However, hitting an adult or each other is extremely serious, in our family. “We do not hit in this family” is a stock phrase, before the consequence.

Catch, and reward, any good behaviour. Especially if they are getting on.

Behaviour is a communication of emotion. Something isn’t right. Ask them.

“You are not a “naughty” child. What is going on? Is something upsetting you?” Is a conversation to be had, in a moment of calm 1 to 1. They might not be able to tell you but they might give you a clue. I find these conversations are most successful when not making eye contact, for example on a car journey, doing the washing up, sharing a story, something which has you side to side.

Good luck.

What's their behaviour like if you and their dad have them separately? Might help you to establish the pattern/see if one of them is better behaved alone. And might give rise to some positive behaviour that you can praise to the skies and refer back to.

Thank you all for taking time to reply.

I do make it clear to them that any hitting when out and we will come straight home. They will just say ok as most the time they don't want to go out anyway. They can be really cheeky!

They are not allowed to play computer games whenever they want to. They have certain times during the day when it is allowed. They go out everyday even if it's just to the local park. They are not allowed to play computer games before we have gone out and never after 6pm or during meals. I feel I should cut down on this more and see if it helps!

They definitely behave better when they are separated but it's not always possible.