DS has done brilliantly and got straight 9s. Not totally unexpected but not taken for granted either so it's a great day for us.
Ex and I have been apart about 10 years and, while ex does see the dc weekly and have them over, he doesn't do much actual parenting, if any. He pays nothing and, other than their bedroom furniture, hasn't ever bought stuff for them to keep at his. Everything is down to me. Ex sil has multiple health issues and doesn't see much of the dc anymore as she lives in another city. No doubt she is fond of them, but she hasn't been able to be a massively involved aunty, not through her own fault, I'm aware.
DS went on a school trip to Oxford, an open day at the uni, just after his exams, and intends to apply. Recently, ex has said to ds that his ex sil would like to go to the next Oxford open day with him and ds. This is largely because ex fil (now deceased) went there, so it's nostalgic for them. That's lovely, but as the parent who will be paying for everything and supporting ds through his A levels as I have through his GCSEs, I would also like to do the 'fun' stuff of attending open days, partly because I want to make sure I have all the relevant info, and partly just because I want to.
I was mulling this over, but now ex has messaged ds after ds told him his results to say that ex sil has suggested a daytrip to Oxford next week! They have not been on a daytrip with her for years - if ever! I'm pissed off because it feels to me that they are attaching all their nostalgia over their deceased df onto ds and his exam results, when the two are not linked. I also feel it's placing too much emphasis on Oxford at a very early stage in the process. DS obviously might not get in and I don't want it built up too much over the next year or so, just in case it's not actually an option for him. Finally, there is a ds2, who, while bright, is not as driven as ds1 and may well not be Oxbridge material. I know that there will be none of this fuss for him when the time comes. If he's not applying to Oxbridge it won't be seen as exciting or important if ds1 has gone there. The family has form for this. I also don't really want him dragged on this daytrip that will be all about ds1 as I know he is pleased for his brother but also a bit anxious about living up to his standard, which that side of the family is not sensitive to from what I have seen in the past.
AIBU to feel this is not a great reaction to these great results - why can't ds just be congratulated/treated, without further Oxbridge pressure being applied?