Baby hates nursery

[waitingwaitingwaiting2]

I’ve just gone back to work, DD is 10 months. We’ve had a couple of weeks of settling in and she is S-L-O-W-L-Y adjusting but I feel horrible. Yesterday was her longest stretch, five hours there. When I collected her she was hoarse from all of the crying 😭😭😭

we’ve done the usual settling in where I stay and play a bit, then less each day, to where I now hand her over and leave with a cheery wave and goodbye. When I picked her up yesterday, she saw one of the carers who was with her last week (but was working with older children yesterday) and waved and smiled at her, so that seemed positive. They are kind and it is a small nursery. I have a flexible job but do need to work. We don’t have any other childcare option. Does this seem normal? I’m home with her today and her voice is still hoarse and it’s breaking my heart 😭😭😭😭 I don’t recall this from DS but DH usually did the drop offs then so perhaps that makes a difference? DD also has not had as much exposure to playgroups and such as she’s been carted about to more activities for DS, so perhaps the group setting is a bit overwhelming? I don’t know if my heart can handle another hoarse cry 😢😢

My DD took a looong while to settle at her childminders. Went on hunger strikes and all sorts 😐
But she just needed time and kindness. Now she loves going to childminder and nursery!
On the other side of the coin my youngest has recently started at childcare and he is much more relaxed about it.
It really is down to child's personality I think. It's hard for you both but she will be ok soon.

Thank you. Yes, she was refusing food and water until yesterday, had literally one bite of lunch and a few sips of water. Previous week had nothing so they’d rang me to come collect her. It breaks my heart and I am worried somehow she’s being traumatised. (Though when I collect her she is just sitting on the lap of one of the workers, having a cuddle and they’re shaking a rattle for her, so I know she’s just crying because she misses me or is frightened).

It's perfectly normal. Just carry on as you are. Lots of cuddles and reassurance at home. It took both of mine probably 2-3 months to fully adjust and be smiley at drop off. It's a big adjustment, but it will need to happen at some point. I don't think the adjustment gets easier as they get older. You're doing all the right things.

Thank you@mindutopia foe the reassurance. It’s just awful though! She’s become so clingy at home and screams and cries the minute I leave the room, even just if I’m popping out for a wee. Do you reckon it’d help if DH does the drop off, or is that even more traumatic?

@waitingwaitingwaiting2 my children were definitely calmer at drop off if their dad was doing it. So worth a try maybe?

How long has it been since she's been having proper days? My little boy took ages to settle, and even as he moved up through the rooms, he really struggled. He also didn't eat or drink a thing when he first went.

He's 2.5 now and been at the nursery since he turned 1, and in this current room for 6 months - he blooming rules the roost in that room now, and eats much better for them than he even does with me!!

So from my experience, it's totally normal and it absolutely will get better. As PP said, my husband does drop offs which tend to be easier than when I do them on the odd occasion. Even though he is absolutely fine now, he would still cling to me a little if I took him, which again is absolutely normal. He clings to me if we drop him off at grandparents for a few hours!

She will settle soon, some will just need more time than others.

I’d definitely try DH doing drop off.

Thanks all, I’ll try dad doing the drop off. Although I just received a message from the nursery that’s much closer to us that they’ll have a place available in a month, I hate to think of resettling her there but it is walking distance and less expensive! Am I a horrible mum for considering it? Or is she likely to settle better there as she’s already had a bit of experience in a nursery? She still hasn’t had a full day there yet…

Have you researched this op and attachment etc