Another child after 19 years - significant age difference between siblings

[topgan]

In our case, my mother decided to take a break, and later my sister was born from her second marriage. I'm 19 years old now, and I'll be turning a year older in November, while my sister is 4 years old and will celebrate her birthday on September 7th. My mother has always wanted to give my sister a younger sibling, a desire my sister expresses constantly. Recently, my mother asked me how I would feel about this possibility.

Actually, it seems that my mother is undecided about the decision to make, perhaps due to the challenges that can arise when considering further expanding the family. I was quite surprised by this situation, but I responded honestly, encouraging her to follow her heart. Whatever choice is made, I have promised my mother my support in any eventuality, especially while I remain at home.

You sound like a very considerate intelligent person. It seems your mum has done a good job of raising you.
20 years between my eldest and youngest, they get on well.

@Turtletotem

Thank You. My biological mother and father were not in harmony, mainly due to his decision to not want children. After their divorce, my mother remarried, thus gifting me with the precious presence of my sister.

My second father, younger than her, now desires to expand the family with another child. I am aware that this situation could appear unusual to others, and I have concerns about the possibility of my peers ridiculing me. However, at the same time, I can't do anything but respect and support their decisions.

I wouldn't over-think this. You'll be off soon enough anyway forging your own life.

Don't get pulled into childcaring or housekeeping. Of course pull your weight but be wary of being moulded into an irreplaceable unpaid member of staff.

Your mum really shouldn't be trying to enmesh you further in her marriage - ick.

I really don't think anyone 19+ will ridicule you for this, it'll be fine.

My kids are 11 and 19. I have one on the way. Both excited and they both talk to their friends about a new brother or sister frequently. We didn't ask the kids their views on it before making that choice. It was ultimately our choice as two adults, we support them and they live at home they don't get a say in our life choices. If the 19 year old isn't happy they can always move out and support themselves. If friends will ridicule you for it maybe they aren't such great friends.

@OnAir

Expressing my opinion as a son on an issue and then realizing that it has no impact on the decisions is truly frustrating, as it makes me feel like I'm someone who doesn't matter. Perhaps I would have preferred to remain unaware of this choice, in order to avoid the anxiety it's causing me now.

14 years between my sister and I. Never had a relationship with her and saw her twice in 25 years. She was just a random older person to me.

There's 20+ years between my eldest and youngest sibling, and different dads. It doesn't really matter, you just muddle along. If your mum and her partner both want the child then I'm sure they will be a lovely addition to your family.

Nobody's opinion besides the couple in question is likely to be taken into account - you shouldn't take this as a comment on whether you matter, your opinion on this just doesn't matter/won't be the decider.

You will be moving out and on with your life soon and you already have one much younger sibling, what exactly is the problem with having another that wasn't there with the 4 year old?

Don't over think this op. In a few years you'll probably have moved out and be getting on with your own life. I don't think your mother should have asked you...but regardless you'll be fine whatever she does. You won't have a typical sibling relationship with a potential new baby but will probably be more of an uncle figure I'd imagine. By the way, your mum must have more energy than me! My two dc are teens now...just the hought of another baby makes me feel exhausted.

Why would your peers ridicule you? If you are in the UK it's not that unheard of. We have 20 years between our eldest and youngest.

Lots of my friends in second marriages have massive age gaps between first born children and children from second marriage. It can be nice - no sibling rivalry - more like close aunts and uncles!

Ah, sorry I misunderstood she's not actually pregnant. Even so, I don't see how its going to impact you - your opinion is just that, an opinion. Your DM will take it into account and decide what she wants to do. Because its her decision, whatever your opinion - if you said you don't like the idea and she does it anyway it doesn't mean you aren't important it means she's thought about it and disagreed with you. People don't have to follow your advice / go along with your opinion for you to be important. You don't get to say what your mother does, and it's silly to feel insulted that she's not doing it your way. Concentrate on yourself & getting your education / a job.