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Original poster

Will she become a nightmare teen??

26 replies

Rosewinesummer · 22/08/2023 19:51

7yr old dd is an absolute delight and always has been. Easy baby and toddler, no tantrums, no issues, all lovely. I have 2 older boys, equally lovely, but for some reason I worry more about dd becoming a teenager and whether she will turn into an absolute horror. Have I just been lucky so far and once she reaches puberty it will all change? Hopefully she's still a few years off any of that but just wondered if anyone else had a lovely child, particularly girls, who remained a lovely teen? No particular reason why I'm thinking this atm just some threads on here about their teenager problems gets me thinking....

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 22/08/2023 20:07

Both my daughters were the same, they breezed through their teens as well without any tears and tantrums. They are 30 and 20 now and can honestly say they have been a delight. Have older sons and they weren't very difficult either, I seem to have got it very easy.

OwlBasket · 22/08/2023 20:08

As long as you have a culture of mutual trust and open communication all should be well

Original poster
Rosewinesummer · 22/08/2023 20:17

@hiredandsqueak that's good to hear. How much do you think is down to luck or your own parenting?
@OwlBasket hoping to keep that going too.

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7 year olds Families
Nochoiceleft · 22/08/2023 20:20

My dd is 19 now and is and always has been a delight.
she has odd days of general stroppyness when tired or not well but nothing more.

gettingolderbutcooler · 22/08/2023 20:42

14yo daughter. Absolutely lovely! Lovely as a little one, lovely as a young woman.

WorriedMillie · 22/08/2023 20:53

I keep wondering this about my 10yo. She’s always been a doddle, no terrible twos, she’s contented and chilled…..👀👀

hiredandsqueak · 22/08/2023 20:54

Probably a lot of luck and also down to their temperaments, they are quiet, thoughtful and pretty laid back which helps a great deal as are my sons which is much like me and exh. We don't like dramas or raised voices so that helps a lot. Communication though is the key, mine knew they could ask or tell me anything and I wouldn't blow my top or start throwing out consequences or punishments and if they asked I would consider what they asked and wouldn't immediately say yes or no.
My children's friends used to say I was a pushover because they knew I didn't shout and rarely punished. My children would say that they would have preferred the shouting and the grounding rather than "the chat" where I would expect them to sit with me and speak about what would have been the better choice to make and how to avoid a repeat next time.

ladyvivienne · 22/08/2023 20:55

It's luck. Pure luck.

Titsywoo · 22/08/2023 20:59

Neither of my kids have been difficult teens - one (DD) is now 19 and the other (DS) 16. Both lovely and have never been rude to me or thrown tantrums. Luck of the draw I guess.

GCWorkNightmare · 22/08/2023 20:59

I was that child (no tantrums etc) and an absolutely horrendous teenager (have just been diagnosed with ADHD which explains some of it).

DD following me so far. Almost 13 and I have to say so far so good (although also just diagnosed with ADHD). Spent the weekend with my 12 year old niece who I found horrific. The definition of “sullen”.

as with toddlers I think the secret is to have very low expectations.

Titsywoo · 22/08/2023 21:00

hiredandsqueak · 22/08/2023 20:54

Probably a lot of luck and also down to their temperaments, they are quiet, thoughtful and pretty laid back which helps a great deal as are my sons which is much like me and exh. We don't like dramas or raised voices so that helps a lot. Communication though is the key, mine knew they could ask or tell me anything and I wouldn't blow my top or start throwing out consequences or punishments and if they asked I would consider what they asked and wouldn't immediately say yes or no.
My children's friends used to say I was a pushover because they knew I didn't shout and rarely punished. My children would say that they would have preferred the shouting and the grounding rather than "the chat" where I would expect them to sit with me and speak about what would have been the better choice to make and how to avoid a repeat next time.

I was the opposite and quite a shouty mum when they were young (and misbehaving obviously) - my friends who weren't have ended up with teens who are rude and disrespectful. So who knows!

Titsywoo · 22/08/2023 21:01

Although I have never shouted at them as teens and they do know they can tell me anything so maybe there is something to that.

hiredandsqueak · 22/08/2023 21:15

@Titsywoo my son says we have a genetic defect as we can’t shout. He remembers being in primary and being asked to shout to one of his classmates and the teacher telling him he wasn’t shouting that was just loud talking. I have a grandson now who runs me ragged whilst I do childcare for him, I appreciate Moore nowadays how very much easier my brood were.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/08/2023 21:17

Our two were never nightmare teens or anything like it. OP, please ignore MNers who try to tell you all teen girls are bound to be horrible - it’s just not true.

TaraRhu · 22/08/2023 21:22

I worry too. My daughter is a joy! She's only 2 but she's literally sugar and spice and all things nice. My son is fantastic too but definitely more hard work. He demands a lot of attention and has a never ending energy supply.

I was a dreadful, dreadful teenager. I think karma might come back to bite me...

Give0fecks · 22/08/2023 21:36

This makes me a bit sad. My DD is 3 and has been such hard work since she was a newborn, all the way through. I sometimes think I’m glimpsing light at the end of the tunnel and she’s getting easier, but it doesn’t last long and it’s horrendous again. I know it’s not just my parenting as everyone else sees it. I really really can’t see how we are ever going to end up having a nice relationship ☹️

Tiredalwaystired · 22/08/2023 21:44

16 year old daughter has been delightful from day one and remains so.

14 year old daughter can be a little more challenging but on the whole a pleasure.

it’s not inevitable

Sensibletrousers · 22/08/2023 21:46

Give0fecks · 22/08/2023 21:36

This makes me a bit sad. My DD is 3 and has been such hard work since she was a newborn, all the way through. I sometimes think I’m glimpsing light at the end of the tunnel and she’s getting easier, but it doesn’t last long and it’s horrendous again. I know it’s not just my parenting as everyone else sees it. I really really can’t see how we are ever going to end up having a nice relationship ☹️

I’ve just this evening been on a lovely dog walk with my 14 yo DS, who as a baby and toddler was just as you describe your DD. I could never have imagined that today I’d be strolling along the river laughing and feeling genuinely relaxed and connected with the grumpy, high maintenance, inflexible little boy he used to be. Now a strapping, bright, funny, kind young man whose company I really enjoy.

We were literally talking about how much I am enjoying being his parent these days! He knows it was hard when he was little, but loves the fact that I find him so lovely now! Give me teens any day.

Have hope 💐

EveryKneeShallBow · 23/08/2023 08:56

What a lovely thread. I had a delightful DD who had her years of preferring to be shut in her room vibrating the walls with her music, and a DS who went through some tough experiences in his teen years. But we all came through it and they are genuinely lovely people now who are a pleasure to spend time with.

Give0fecks · 23/08/2023 09:01

Thanks @Sensibletrousers thats a kind post. I’d love nothing more, as I was close to my own mum and that relationship meant a lot to me. I think it must be so painful as a parent to have an adult child, for one reason or another, that is no contact.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 23/08/2023 09:10

My DD was the perfect baby/toddler and was absolutely adorable until she hit 13.

It's not all her fault - she became unwell age 12 and now has a chronic illness that she has to live with , the lockdowns were awful for her mental health and she is suffering with PTSD after her very dramatic hospital admission when her illness first appeared.

But my god the last two years have been hell on earth. It's like she's trying to destroy her life and everyone else's around her. She can be so calculating in her attempts to make our lives hell. It's like she's punishing us for everything that's bad in her life.

She's getting help but it's a daily nightmare.

Rocknrollstar · 23/08/2023 09:26

My two were a doodle - never a problem between them. However my mum used to say that the three of us were lovely, easy little girls who became a nightmare when we were teenagers. Looking back, she was probably right.

Sensibletrousers · 23/08/2023 17:48

Please can I give the PPs something to think about who have said their teen DDs are lovely, wonderful, easy, kind, popular, no trouble, compliant etc etc…. Please make sure she is not just a People Pleaser. Nobody is perfect with no needs or problems.

I was that girl - easy baby, easy toddler, delightful child, lovely teenager, credit to my mum, never gave her problems, always made her proud etc etc. My mum (who is lovely) says now she just thought I was the perfect daughter. She wishes she’d scratched the surface and looked a bit closer. My sister was the “squeaky wheel” who got the attention.

In reality I was repressing my needs and negative feelings, keeping the peace, fawning to feel safe, keeping traumas hidden, dealing with awful shit on my own, and it has taken decades to decondition myself, to unlearn the need to never be a burden, to be liked by everyone I meet, to believe that I’m not responsible for making people happy / proud or for giving them an easy life, and to have needs and emotions that might present problems to others. It’s no way to live.

I am not suggesting anyone is a bad parent or that every cheerful teen girl is masking and fawning, or has secret traumas etc. But just thought it worth mentioning.

Nochoiceleft · 23/08/2023 18:36

@Sensibletrousers I was also that child. My dd, as much as she is easy to parent and a lovely person, is strong and well able to stand up for herself. She is open and chatty and happy to talk through things that are worrying her.
I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Sensibletrousers · 23/08/2023 19:15

Nochoiceleft · 23/08/2023 18:36

@Sensibletrousers I was also that child. My dd, as much as she is easy to parent and a lovely person, is strong and well able to stand up for herself. She is open and chatty and happy to talk through things that are worrying her.
I am so lucky to have her in my life.

great to hear, my son is the same as I have actively encouraged it and made sure he knows there is always space for his feelings in our family ❤️

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