3 months paternity leave - how would you use it?

[happyclam]

Hello!

I'm really lucky that my husband gets 12 weeks paternity leave at full pay (plus 27 weeks at 2 x SMP after that but I'm not sure he'll take it). He can take it in up to two blocks.

It's our first baby so we're stuck about when he should take it - keen to hear anyone else's advice or experience?

I'm planning on taking a year, but might go back after 9 months depending on how I'm feeling about everything.

We were wondering about him taking 6 weeks after birth and 6 weeks later (either over summer when the baby is 6-7 months or to support me transitioning back to work after 9-10 months)

All ideas welcome!

Tbh unless your or baby are very unwell at the start, I’d back load the leave.

Take 3 weeks at the start and then the remaining when you return to work to put off paying childcare bills as much as possible. Use usual annual leave during the year to have family time / holidays.

I would take it in the immediate aftermath. For me, the first few months were the hardest and you will probably appreciate the support and the extra pair of hands for things like food shopping, cleaning, cooking etc.

Ooh I should add my retired DM lives down the road so I won't be totally alone when he goes back to work - and he works mostly from home!

Would you be financially able to travel?

You will possibly never get another opportunity to go away for a long period like 2 months until you retire.

Once you're back at work, you and DH will be bound to annual leave allowance or unpaid leave and once DC is at school you'll be juggling your annual leave to try to cover 13 weeks of school holidays with 10 weeks of paid leave.

Get a sling and enjoy a couple of months travelling while your child is young enough to pick up and carry around.

If get dh to take 3, maybe 4 weeks at the beginning. And the rest? Well, the world id your oyster. You could be sensible and he could have the baby while you go back tonwork, smooth that process over.

Or like a pp said, do something amazing, travel, or whatever. But if you do travel avoid school holidays for cost and other people's kids (and their parents!).

What a lovely position to be in.

If you have an easy baby then travelling is a good idea although not for everyone. I loved travelling pre kids but wouldn't have done it with mine as babies.

My DH took a month off after the birth of each of ours and that felt like the right amount of time. Assuming a straight forward birth and recovery, I think 4 weeks after the birth would be about right (plus your mum is nearby for company and practical support). So I'd suggest 4 weeks at first and then 8 weeks when you return to work.

What's your maternity pay like, will you get SMP only?

I’d do a month at the start, then a month overlapping (assuming you have to finish ML so he can take it I’d use holiday for a month together) and then a month on his own with DC when you’re back at work.

Help for most of the first trimester, a month together which you’ll never get again and a month for him to learn the ropes so he knows what it’s like to be a SAHP!

I'd love to travel, but I wish I could see into the future and know how I'll feel after birth, and how the birth goes!

I get the same, 12 weeks FP, 27 weeks 2x SMP and then 13 unpaid

We went travelling with our shared parental leave and it was so special. Found four to eight months was probably the best age (for our baby) as he was all over the place moving about and dropping naps after that.

Does he absolutely have to take it? I would plan to take a week after birth and revaluate if he needs the rest at the end. I can't think of anything worse than having a patenter about for six weeks after birth. I was very much ready to get into a routine on my own.

I think you're in a minority there!!!

Wow 12 weeks.

What industry is this OP? I'm Investment Banking, and in my day (less than 20 years ago) it was 2 days. Which of course was spent round the MiL's gaff.

Luckily things have changed in less than 20 years. 2 weeks is the legal minimum for paternity leave.

This made me giggle 🤭

I do actually think I'd like having him around.

BUT, if I didn't and didn't need him, it's still 12 weeks off work full pay so I'd still want him to enjoy some time off!

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It's super generous - I know how lucky we are given most people I know only have 2 weeks!

I would definitely reserve some time for him to be at home with the baby when you've gone back to work. It's verrrrry instructive for a dad to do this, and very, very beneficial for a genuinely shared parenting load.

Other than that, some travelling is lovely if you can make it work. And a lot depends on how you find the post-birth period; I was physically fine but a psychological wreck for the first 12 weeks tbh. Many people find the first 4-6 weeks hard physically and someone to share the load very helpful, so I'd probably split the time across immediately after the birth and after your planned return to work. Unless you have an easy birth and an easy baby, your first baby tends to be a pretty big shock to the system.

I would encourage you to give him some time solo when you’re back at work. It gives you a chance to get back into the groove of working without worrying about sickness and pick ups or drop offs. I think it also puts you on a more equal footing as parents because for that time he is the default parent and is managing all that routine day to day stuff.

Then when you’re both back at work you’re in a place where it’s much more natural to share the load.

What's your childcare plans for when you're back to work? If it involves a nursery setting , then I'd have him handle the settling in sessions and all the inevitable time off required to look after your child who will be too unwell to go to said childcare because of all the bugs they pick up. Just my experience...

Definitely have him take a chunk off at the start once baby is here. My DH was at home for at least 1 month, then Christmas leave shortly after, when my youngest was born and it was great to have him at home.

I am so jealous of how much available support you have!

If it were me I'd take 2-3 weeks at the start then save the rest for when the lack of sleep and a crawling baby gets hard.

Maybe take 6 weeks at the start if you have a c section.

I did a c section with no support. The hardest part was care of the older children which you won't have. If husband/mum can clean the house do washing and bath baby after work I'd send him to work and bank the help for later months. My child won't sleep and I would absolutely of loved a couple mornings a week to sleep late while someone else had the baby in the 9-12 months range.

My DH also had 12 weeks paternity leave but had to take it in one block so he was with us through the first 3 months. It worked out well for us and was a lovely time for bonding us together as a family. It also meant he got through the worst of the sleepless nights before going back to work.

I'm sure we would have split the time up if he was allowed, but I'm happy with how it worked out. It was such a large amount of time off that DH has loads of annual leave to use up so we still can take holidays/family time together during the rest of the year.

I'd say don't be afraid to use the time off as needed, if your husband has a good annual leave entitlement (which he probably does if he gets such good paternity leave) then it's harder to use up all that time off than you'd expect. We were kind of rationing my husband's paternity leave in the beginning thinking we'd need it down along the line but alongside his 6.5 weeks of annual leave and working around busy times at work he's kind of ended up with a surplus.

My husband gets 11 weeks parents leave at full pay but there's some stipulations, they have to be taken in week long blocks (e.g he can't just take a day here and there) and need to be used before the childs 2nd birthday. Our first child is turning 2 in October and he still has 3 weeks of parents leave to try and take before his birthday which isn't really needed now and it would have been much better to have had him for those extra few weeks after the birth.

I'm due #2 in mid-November and he has to be back in work at the start of January (busiest time of year for him) so he'll take from the birth to the end of year off which could be anything from 4-8 weeks of leave I guess, he gets Christmas week off regardless. I was 2 weeks overdue with my first child and find it hard to imagine going early with this one but who knows.

We don't have a plan for the remaining weeks, we'll probably just use them to have a few weeks together as a family before I go back to work, for holidays and there'll be a house move next year so the extra time off will come in handy there.

"I was 2 weeks overdue with my first child and find it hard to imagine going early with this one but who knows."

DC1 was born 11 days after the due date so I was convinced it would be similar for DC2 but they were born at 40+1! (Both spontaneous labours)

2-3 weeks at the start and then the rest at the end when you go back to work.
Saves on childcare and baby will be a little older starting Nursery or whatever .
Also much easier for you to get stuck back into work knowing baby is well cared for at home with out worrying about leaving them in childcare, new routine etc.

We had three months together at the start and it was 100% the right decision. Tough birth, then some health problems with lots of hospital visits when baby was 6-8 weeks old. And she was quite a tough newborn who would only nap when in motion! So brilliant for us to have all that time together. He was also PT when I went back to work to do childcare for a while (she was 11 months). I think they have a great bond.

With our second, circumstances were different and he only got 3 weeks - but still turned out to be essential, despite straightforward birth, as baby had to go to hospital (with me) at 10 days old.

A couple of friends have had to return to hospital with infections after 1-2 weeks and needed the extra help.

Long story short, I'd take at least 6 weeks at the beginning, as that is the really tough bit when issues (feeding, infections, etc) rear their heads. By 6 weeks things tend to calm down. And if it's all plain sailing, then excellent! Lovely bonding time for you all.

Using some for the transition to work is also a great idea. Nurseries often want you to drop off for 1 hour, then 2, etc... It's hard to fit around work.