I am deeply deeply unhappy and I don’t know where to start

[RuthEvershedforPM]

Hi

Regular lurker and occasional poster (with a few different names)

Writing today casting about for answers because I am so deeply unhappy and I don’t know where to start.

— I hate my job. It takes all my time. Supposed be part time but it takes up more than full time and all of my emotional energy. Trying to get out of it but am vv senior so extricating myself is taking ages
— I am supposed to top up the part time work with freelance - but self starting is tricky as all energy into the job. I feel like I am consistently letting myself and others down
-my friends are bored with me being sad - my closest friend has blatantly had enough. They don’t want to hang out with me because I am a fun sponge - and I just end up sadder and lonelier.
-most days I don’t want to get up
-relationship has no life in it whatsoever

I just feel completely trapped and sad in a life I don’t want to be living. I don’t know where to start in fixing it or myself. I have tried routines and have been exercising seriously for a few months now. But mostly I want to be in bed

The later bullet points sound more like depression than just unhappiness, so I’d be inclined to visit the GP for advice.

Regarding work - see what your GP says first, but start putting boundaries in place. Turn your phone off on the days you are not working, and if there is a need to check in out of hours give yourself set check in times (i.e. you look at your phone at 6pm and 8pm only, and anything in between then can wait until the next check in). Boundaries are hard to implement at first but the firmer you are the more they will be respected.

Completely agree, I think you've tipped into depression here and anti depressants/therapy can work wonders at giving you that extra energy and ability to cope to see you through.

I'd also recommend meditation - it'll help wash your mind of all the stress you're holding on to. It doesn't need to be complicated to work, just aim for 10-20m a day and keep consistent.

Rather than finding time for self employment for now, carve out space to unwind and do nothing/relax/a hobby/gentle exercise/fresh air.

Self-starting will be much easier when you're doing a bit better. Health first.

Thank you both for responding. I am sure you are right about seeing a GP. It feels out of reach but I can try and get an appointment.

Anyone come through life feeling completely pointless? What made the difference?

Meditation and medication!

Can I recommend the Waking Up app and Sertraline?

These two tools have me the space and clarity to improve my life from the inside out.

Yes! Recommend away - I feel entirely without hope so knowing other people have gotten through it is helpful

Are you perhaps menopausal/peri? I was feeling like that and after a convo with my GP, started on HRT - and a few months later (and going on holiday, to be fair) I've definitely turned a corner. I hope you find a way forward. Persevere with a GP appointment - even if it's just over the phone - it really helps to talk (in my case cry) it through, and they'll make time to see you when they hear what you are experiencing.

Yes I think peri menopausal, still periods but lots of spotting and cycle a bit messy. Sounds like somehow getting to the GP is a good shout

I think what I would really like is someone to look after me for a bit. But that’s totally out of scope

HRT helped me very quickly with a "detached from life" feeling, but sounds like you've got more going on. PPs have offered sensible advice. Just keep plugging on.

Do you have to be part time? If you’re doing a full time job, go full time and at least be paid accordingly. Ditch the freelancing for now, it sounds stressful.

have fun with your friends, that is what friendships are for. Get a therapist/counsellor for the rest

Can you get out of the relationship? Or take a break? Kids involved?

Can highly recommend fluoxetine, it literally saved my life, it just gives your brain a break from itself.

and I know this may sound glib, but honestly, exercise. Even if you just walk around the block in the morning before breakfast.

thnaks so much

yes - I have to be part time, there isn’t the money in the organisation to pay me for the hours I do. I am trying to extricate myself . Relationship likewise, couple of kids and leaving is tricky, I can’t afford it at the moment - would like a plan but feel utterly hopeless and stuck.

exercise suggestion isn’t glib at all - I think it’s the only thing keeping me alive at the moment.

Please stop doing the hours you do. If there isn't the money then the hours they pay you for are what they get. Don't feel beholden, delegate.

And it sounds like getting signed off for a couple of weeks might not hurt, to allow you to take stock.