Sometimes it’s really shit being a woman who wants a career sometimes isn’t it?

[PizzaBreath]

Looking at changing jobs, great opportunity has come my way for a position at a new company, job title I want, industry I want. Only we’re TTC, 41 so last chance saloon really, can’t delay.

current role stat maternity, new role stat maternity (it is what it is) but of course if i happen to get pregnant in my notice period ahead of new job then I won’t be entitled to stat maternity and have to go on maternity allowance instead.

I could stay where I am, but won’t get this opportunity for a number of years, if ever. 😩 Just venting really.

Aaaand a typo in the title 😫

Yeah it's shit. I'd stay, if the chance comes around again in a few years then that could be good timing for after baby is here.

But I've only ever been able to claim maternity allowance due to shit company and then self employment. I managed.

You’re right, it can be shit.

In your shoes I’d take the job and start TTC. It might take a while and even if it doesn’t, mat allowance isn’t that much worse than stat mat pay.

Yeah I’m mid 30s and almost starting from scratch now mine’s older

Yes, this is where real inequality is.

Men can be TTC but are free to move jobs as the offers come flying in yet women need to think in terms of maternity pay.

Yes, we're off work a lot longer and don't always come back - but many European countries offer much longer leave than we get as standard, and higher leave pay.

I'd take the job!

Yep. I'm finally in a position to train for my dream career but have to do an access course first. Unfortunately the course is at night as I work, and because DH has just taken a new role, which involves night work, I can't do the course (we have no family support for nighttime childminding).

Not his fault, the opportunity for promotion came and he took it, we both discussed it.

It just stings a bit having to put my career on the back-burner for another year.

I'm 39 so don't exactly have all the time in the world

Yes!
DC are both at secondary and I have a flexible role but I'm still tearing my hair out trying to work out the logistics for next term and how to balance work commitments with their after school activities and, dare I say, doing some exercise and re-starting a hobby myself.
An amazing sounding job came up this summer but I just daren't take it. At the moment, I can just about juggle it all. This job would require that bit more commitment as well as the effort of establishing myself and understanding how the organisation works and what they actually want of me in the role and I just don't have the time or headspace for that.
DH was very supportive but, now that his career is the one that has been prioritised for 10 years, we're at a point where it would be silly for him to step back just at this moment. It may be different in a couple of years.

Yup!

i would take the job.

well, it can be shitty being a woman who wants a career and is TTC when the ideal job comes up.
But it doesn't have to be. In your shoes? I'd go through the recruiting process and carry on TTC and handle things as they come. If you get lucky and they want you enough, between you and the company you will make it work.

You have a partner or you are doing IVF? because that plays a part too, is he prepared to step up? Mine did (slightly different circs, and i wasn't bothered about getting pregnant as much as him) and i really appreciated that he wasn't one of those idiots who don't support their partners.

If you don't go for this job, and you never manage to get pregnant: will there be regret? how much will that impact your future? How many jobs are there out there like this?

Good luck, OP. Life is shitty sometimes.

Thanks all- feeling frustrated by it all today.

I’m leaning towards taking it, maybe I won’t get pregnant at all, maybe it’ll fall ok if I do. We’ll manage I guess.

We’re also having a ‘woman in tech’ push at my current role, despite the fact that maternity leave is not even mentioned in our contracts / employee handbook. And obviously I can’t raise that because then it’s obvious I’m concerned about it and then a black mark is next to my name.

Ah but no we are "equal" right?!

I would take the job, you don't know how long it will take to TTC, would you be able to make do with SMP? Can you do shared parental leave?

DC are both at secondary and I have a flexible role but I'm still tearing my hair out trying to work out the logistics for next term and how to balance work commitments with their after school activities and, dare I say, doing some exercise and re-starting a hobby myself.

was your DH tearing his hair out too wondering how he could play his part? or did he just watch you and think you'd got alopecia or something?

It's shit but maternity allowance is the same as stat maternity pay anyway. Your partner needs to consider how he can make up any slack, for example he presumably will be entitled to full parental leave, so could get paid for the second six months?

why is it a black mark? if they are trying to recruit/retain women in tech, surely one of the BIG issues (we have had this discussion where i work a lot) is maternity leave etc?

We have just employed a woman who is in her 2nd trimester. She plans 6 months off then her husband will take 6 months. We are aware this plan may change.
We also have a man whose wife just had a baby and he has been given 4 weeks off full pay, as a company policy, which happened way earlier than anyone planned because the baby was born at 32 weeks. We are struggling. But it is the right thing to do.

There are many issues right now, especially in tech, in recruitment and retention. Making your workplace somewhere people want to work, and accepting input on that, shouldn't mean black marks for anyone.

@PizzaBreath why can’t you raise it? You’re not saying ‘I’m TTC so can we have better maternity pay’. You’re just raising the point that if they want women, paying a decent maternity leave will attract them.

Apart from the first 6 weeks - so stat gives you 90% of your average weekly salary for those first 6 weeks, whereas the allowance goes straight to £176 per week. So a fair chunk, but we would manage.

DH would step up, he starts a new job next week (terrible timing all round hey!) it’s more flexibility for him which would help longer term. Stat paternity there too, but I’ll get him to check more thoroughly.

I hear you. I have raised it in the past - we had a group meeting to discuss our benefits package, it’s a very ‘open’ culture here and I raised it then in the context of how we could attract more women. We then voted on what we wanted HR to address and maternity / family leave didn’t get enough votes. (Male dominated company).

Oops the above was a reply to @Twizbe

This is only relevant to a certain percentage of women isn’t it? There will be women who have completed their families or women who don’t want to have children at all who don’t really care about this.

Lots of businesses pay lip service to it, but no one really wants someone joining their business and then going onto a long maternity leave. And then possibly more.

I’m not saying I agree with it I’m just saying how it is.

Totally @AuntieJoyce and you know what stat is fine, it is what it is. Generally you know if an employer isn’t shouting about mat leave that it’ll be stat and that’s ok.

My main gripe is this awkward period of not being able to even get stat whilst changing jobs.

I'd love to have any job but no chance here;even though mine are all teens they have various health issues/disabilities/additional needs which means I'm needed constantly at home;I can't even get a school hours job as one of my children's conditions means if they are having a flare up they have to stay home for the day and they need physically caring for.

It's shit.

So if you're not pregnant yet your partner WILL be entitled to full parental leave E.g six months.

So that's something

I would take the job. Given your age (sorry) it's more unpredictable when/ if you will conceive. I'd keep trying though and try and make your finances work.

but a company that is pushing the involvement of women in Tech should bloody well listen to what women want from a workplace. Male dominated or not (because, let's face it, one of the things a lot of women want includes a decent chunk of paternity leave, often so they can swap over and get back to work themselves). Any company who isn't addressing this is only paying lip service to "wanting to encourage women in tech" and can be safely disregarded as a potential employee.

I work tech adjacent and when i took my latest role, the company told me that they have had to seriously address several things - not least the time it takes to recruit someone, which is a by the by - including parental leave. Because much as lots of companies don't want to admit it: there is a dearth of good candidates. Who can often name their price.