Hi this is my first post on here so I apologise for any mistakes.
DD is 5, shes very loving, hilarious, strong willed, kind and my favourite person in the world.
When she first started Nursery, they noticed she was very obsessive with food (always has been) and after some further investigation and evaluation, we discovered she had some social and emotional issues which we now believe to be ADHD (and probably autism). It was a bit of a shock as I'd never really thought anything was wrong, but when i looked at everything all together, it all made sense. We don't have a diagnosis yet but the school, health visitors and GP all agree there is something there.
Since discovering this, we've been doing our best to be the best parents we can be to her and to offer her any support she needs. But we're flying blind and every week it feels like theres a new issue. Every time we feel like we've got this parenting thing down, she throws us another curveball. This newest one has us stumped.
DD has been struggling a lot lately with jealousy. It's gotten a lot worse since i started childminding for my sister, which means me looking after my nephews ages 6 and 1.
DD struggles when she sees me giving attention to my 1 year old nephew and will often either cry, storm off or shout. I realise this is fairly normal for her age and for an only child, but this is 3 months on and nothing is any better. But tbh, i can handle that.
The problem im having is how dd is behaving with other people who have babies. For example my sister (nephews mum), ill call her L for short.
DD has always been a little obsessed with L, but lately it seems to have gone to a new level. When we are with L, dd wants nothing to do with me. She constantly wants to be by L's side, holding her hand, sitting on her knee etc. Just constantly wanting attention from her. At first i just thought it was because its her auntie and she loves her, and thats fine. I tried explaining to her that L has her own 2 kids to look after so she can't always be paying attention to dd. It was annoying, but i didnt think it was an issue until this weekend.
We took a trip to visit a museum with my mum, two of her aunties (not L), my partner and my mums partner (and of course dd). When we got there, we met up with my SIL and her 3 kids. They live up north and we see them maybe twice a year if we're lucky. DD is very close with her cousins, but honestly, shes never paid SIL much attention until this weekend. SIL also has a young child (2).
As we were walking around the museum, dd started acting the exact same way she acts with L, only with SIL instead. She's never ever been extremely close to SIL, but for some reason, all of a sudden she wanted all SIL's attention, just like she does with L. She wanted to hold her hand constantly, sit with her, talk to her, and wanted nothing to do with anyone else there. She just wanted SIL and would kick off if i tried to get her away from her. SIL had her own 3 kids to see to so i didnt want her to also have to worry about mine but dd wouldnt leave her side.
Im really not sure what this behaviour even means. There was another incident when she was younger where i was with a friend who had a baby and dd pushed in front of the baby to sit on my friends lap, purposely stopping the baby from doing so.
It isnt really that she's jealous of other babies getting attention from me. Its almost like shes jealous of other babies getting attention from their own parents.
Im just a bit lost here and i have no idea how to handle it because i have no idea why she acts like this. Does anyone have any insight into any of this??
Sorry for the long read
TIA