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Original poster

Being friends with people you’ve dated?

16 replies

unluckyinlove91 · 21/08/2023 18:09

So recently I have been on a few dates with this guy who I met on a dating app. We’d been speaking for a long time and for various reasons it took us ages to meet up.

Anyway, we finally did and we got on well but ended up sleeping together pretty quickly.

He told me over the weekend that he has a lot of things going on so basically isn’t looking to date at the moment - but, would be keen to go out for a drink with me as a friend?

I’ve never had that before, and I don’t know why you would say that to someone when rejecting them. Even if he was being polite, I think suggesting a friendly drink is a bit extreme?

Has anyone ever actually done that? Met up with someone platonically who you’ve been on a date with?

I wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea as I thought we did get on pretty well, and I found him funny. And, I’ve always wanted more friends that are males. But, we’ve also had sex so I think it would just be a bit odd.

And if you’re thinking it’s because he wants something casual / just wants sex, he is 100% definitely not the type for that.

OP posts:

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 21/08/2023 18:15

He 100% is the type. It’s just the way he goes about it.

x2boys · 21/08/2023 18:25

I think he wants to.keep.you on a back burner just in case
Why else would you stay friends with someone you have had a,fewcssusl.dates with what's the point ?

x2boys · 21/08/2023 18:26

Few casual*

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships

Thewizardbinbag · 21/08/2023 18:28

I’ve become friends with a few people I’ve dated. Sometimes the romantic/lust spark just doesn’t last, or doesn’t work, but you get on and why not just be friends then?

I don’t find it weird and I haven’t continued to have sex with any of them. Just mates.

WeWereInParis · 21/08/2023 18:43

I'm now good friends with two people I've dated/slept with.

Deathbyfluffy · 21/08/2023 18:45

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 21/08/2023 18:15

He 100% is the type. It’s just the way he goes about it.

There’s absolutely no way you can know that.
One of my best best female friends (I’m a man) and I met in a very similar way

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 21/08/2023 18:50

of course not. Stand by my comment unless time proves otherwise, which I’ll never know.

Original poster

unluckyinlove91 · 21/08/2023 18:56

Interesting responses

To those who have remained friends… who made the fist contact for a friendly drink? You or them?

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 21/08/2023 18:59

I’ve remained friends with people I’ve previously dated. Some times it just doesn’t work out romantically but I’d still like to have them in my life. One is now a really good friend. We did sleep together but there wasn’t anymore to it.

He suggested remaining friends. We chatted back and forth for a while still and then he asked if I fancied going to see a film we were born interested in. He did joke about it not being a date which I was happy with.

stealthninjamum · 21/08/2023 19:01

Op I think you’re being naive, i have read so many of these threads, so many men just want a friends with benefits situation and sleeping with someone then changing the nature of the relationship is so common. I would tell him you’re not looking for a friendship.

Crinkle77 · 21/08/2023 19:02

Sorry but he's slept with you and now he's got he wanted he's backing off. The friends thing is a way of stringing you along. I'd bin him off.

RaininSummer · 21/08/2023 19:04

I used to go on platonic nights out with online dates which didn't work out. Hadn't slept with them though which probably makes a difference.

Gettinagoldtoof · 21/08/2023 19:07

If you’d not slept together it would have been a yes, but given you have, I probably wouldn’t. There isn’t a huge foundation of friendship there because you guys had sex quickly.

I’m a woman and I do often stay in touch with women I’ve dated. Some have become friends, but we hadn’t slept together and I worry with the male/female dynamic that has the potential to be imbalanced.

Tread carefully, hope you feel ok about it, it’s not much fun.

Nagado · 21/08/2023 21:38

He told me over the weekend that he has a lot of things going on so basically isn’t looking to date at the moment - but, would be keen to go out for a drink with me as a friend?

And if you’re thinking it’s because he wants something casual / just wants sex, he is 100% definitely not the type for that

Respectfully, you’ve known him two minutes, you have no idea what type he is. The fact that he didn’t realise he didn’t want to date anyone until after he’d registered on a dating site, met you and had sex with you, strongly suggests otherwise. Of course, I might just be a deeply suspicious old bag and he could have had a genuine epiphany, but I’m sure he will have deleted his profile in that case. I’m assuming he has deleted his profile?

Original poster

unluckyinlove91 · 21/08/2023 22:23

I am sort of tempted to suggest going for a drink with him, maybe in about a week’s time, just to see what he says! I did genuinely enjoy his company.. but we would always go for drinks.

OP posts:

TedMullins · 21/08/2023 22:32

Yes I’m good friends with someone I met on tinder. 10 years later he lives overseas and I’ve even been out to stay with him. We’ve both got other partners now. Totally platonic, the spark wasn’t there but we got on super well.

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