NHS staff, what helps you when you been a part of something awful?

[Flangeosaurus]

Sorry to ask because it feels like something everyone deals with in their own way but DH works in a clinical role in the NHS and he has had to deal with something this week which has knocked him for six. I won’t give details for obvious reasons but he’s struggling so much and help from work seems to be nonexistent. All they have said is to say he needs to get signed off for a week but I think that may not be long enough.

If there’s anyone who has been through similar who was suggestions of how I can support him I would be so grateful. He’s no r himself, can’t sleep and struggling to cope with the usual noise of our kids. Just want to help him however I can so suggestions gratefully received.

Sorry to hear this. If he is a doctor or medical student he can access counselling and peer support 24/7 on the BMA counselling line: 0330 123 1245.

Time and being able to talk about things freely with my spouse/colleagues. A debrief with those involved if possible/suitable.
ED nurse (plenty of horrid experiences sadly)

He’s not a doctor but thank you. He’s had his debrief and he’s spoken to his manager but I think the way he feels is too much for him to absorb. I’ve never seen him like this and I’m so sad for him, normally he can rationalise it and understand there’s nothing more he could have done but this particular case has really got to him.

I’ve definitely listened and just let him tell me everything but I think this is one of those cases which sticks. Any offers on how I support him through it gratefully received.

Does he have a local NHS staff support hub? They may be able to provide support? Our Trust offers debriefs with a clinical psychologist. Not linked to occupational health or HR so all in confidence. We can self refer or ask a manager to do it.

RCN counselling? Trallong it through with peers?

*talking

Thank you. There’s a well-being team but he has put 3 calls in and not had a response.

Time helps. For me, initially I thought about it every day, then gradually less and less, now just whenever something reminds me of it (like this post, but not in a bad way!). Debriefs are good, but they can't take away the feelings completely. I found it helpful to write it all down - my account of exactly what happened, partly as a kind of self debrief and partly so I had it to refer back to in future if needed for investigations etc. For now, just make sure he knows it is ok to have strong feelings about it, and that if he needs time off work to reflect/recover then that is ok. Check if his Trust have a wellness team or employee assistance program too, they can be very helpful.

Would he go to his GP ? Just the chance to talk to somebody outside situation, something short term for sleep and a medical certificate?

On our Intranet there are several different resources for staff who are struggling. We have a counselling service, we have a helpline and I think there may be a national helpline. Tell him to phone Occupational Health or HR and ask what resources are available

My husband works in intensive care, as you can imagine he has his fair share. As others have said they should have a debrief as a team with any especially upsetting cases. I know there’s a lot more emotional support accessible since the pandemic but the medic way is to power on through. It’s good he’s thinking about accessing help, I know my husband would find that very hard to admit to which isn’t good.

https://resolution.nhs.uk/services/claims-management/support-for-healthcare-staff/

Check if his arrest have an external employee assistance programme such as Vivup. Something external may be more responsive than internal.
If he is struggling then maybe being signed off for a few weeks by the GP would be useful. It might give him some time and space to process things without the workplace pressure.

Jeez, I meant his Trust, not arrest.

Thank you. Yes he’s waiting for a GP appointment and hopefully that will be helpful. Is there anything your other halves did that helped any of you? I just love the absolute bones of him so if there’s anything I can do I’ll do it. We’re stuck in limbo at the moment because he doesn’t want to worry me 🙃

We have the Employee Assistance Programme in our Trust where you can just call them up and speak to someone,they can offer up to 6 weeks counselling after an assessment. They are a 24/7 service.

We also have a Staff Trauma Service who assess and offer therapies such as CBT and EMDR.

Glad he attended a debrief that's the first step.

Did his manager not refer to Occ Health?

We are a mental health Trust.

Give him time. It is normal to feel traumatised when traumatic things happen. I think the things you can do is give a bit of quiet space if he wants it, be available to talk about it (more than once - talking is processing) and staying alert for signs it is still troubling him after a few months, when you might want to encourage professional help.

I'm not nhs but I do work in a role where I've seen some horrible things. Compassion fatigue and secondary trauma are very real and it's unrealistic of his manager to expect a week off to 'fix' that. I would recommend professional counselling and time off if he's likely to encounter something the same or similar in the next while. He could start with a week and take it from there until he sees how he goes.

I would encourage him to rest and to make space in his day where he can process whatever way he prefers to do that normally, but also to refill his cup with good things when he feels up to it. Make the effort to go out as a family, as a couple, to eat good nutritious food, and build as much self care into his home time as possible. It doesn't have to be anything big, especially if he's not feeling up to much. Its simple things like walking at the beach or in a forest. Connection to nature is generally soothing, make pizza from scratch and try to keep the house calm and reasonably tidy. You know your husband so you'll know what will work best for him without putting him under pressure. Just follow his lead.

Ultimately sometimes you need to sit with something for a while until you find the right place in your heart and mind to put it. So be patient with him and go with it even if he's not himself. I'd ask every now and then what he needs for himself and from you but be prepared to understand if he says he doesn't really know and leave it that if he thinks of something he can let you know. I'd encourage him to talk it through with colleagues if he has certain people he trusts who would understand on a more personal level. It will just take time. Another option if he doesn't want to be off work completely could be requesting a temporary change in role perhaps to something more manageable in the interim.

I'd also encourage you to get support for yourself from friends and family too. I'm mindful of how much from work I talk to dh about because he doesn't have supervision and the support I have in the workplace and I'm mindful that sometimes it can be heavy. Plus just worrying about him and trying to keep things running with half of your team not going at their full capacity can be tough in itself. You can best support him by taking care of yourself.

Does he have access to TrIM? I’ve used it a couple of times after traumatic incidents and found it very helpful. Not sure if it’s available outside the ambulance service though.

RCN are ok with counsellors. Wouldnt say they are brilliant, but it is someone to talk to outside of family which we sometimes need.
Even if partners share everything it can be very hard to unload when you know that your mate is working a 14 hour shift the next day.

I have seen a fair amount Im afraid. I hate to be the one to say this but if a patient died or was seriously injured, suggest he write down exactly what happened with timings and save that somewhere as there may be a complaint, claim or inquest down the line. The staff involved with that would be able to use what he writes now which should hopefully mean less risk of him having to relive it by going through it all again in a year or so. Any claim, complaint etc is against trust not him. In terms of what you can do, remind him of the times things have gone well and it is not his fault that whatever it was happened. Even if he thinks it was, it probably wasn't as he's a person doing a tough job in an incredibly stretched often chaotic system. Try to encourage him to spend time doing things he enjoys, get it in nature for walks, anything that will distract him whether that's tinkering with a car, playing golf, swimming, brewing beer, whatever he usually enjoys. If he needs more than a week off work, GP will grant it. NHS offers full paid sick leave for 6 months and it is safer for him to use that than work when he is so distressed. It is great that he has you to support him and I am sure that he appreciates that even if he is not in a position to say so.