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Original poster

Worried I am never going to meet someone

23 replies

unluckyinlove91 · 19/08/2023 23:16

I’ve just turned 30 and I am just feeling rubbish about being single. I’ve also never had a long term, serious relationship.

I was on the apps earlier this year, had several first dates, some led to a second, one to a third and one guy just messed me around for a while. I deleted all of them and currently on none.

I feel like I can’t make it past the first or second date very often and just feel hopeless that I am never going to meet so when who I truly connect with.

I guess it’s a numbers game, but if you have any personal stories similar to my situation I’d be really glad to hear of them. It doesn’t help either that I get attached to men easily and definitely sleep with them way too quickly I think.

OP posts:
PolinaSzinski · 20/08/2023 00:27

Don't jump into bed with them right away. In fact not at all. Hold off, take your time, at least a few months in. If they threaten to bail just because you're not giving them sex then they obviously have only one thing on their mind. Many of them pretend they want something more, but really all they want is a quickie or f@#k buddy. Worryy not, you're not alone. Many folks are trapped in the same boat. All you can do is try! put yourself out there hit the gym, doll yourself up. why not dress cute and give a café a go all by yourself with a laptop in tow, you never know when you venture into the world, who you might stumble upon.

BananaSlug · 20/08/2023 00:29

Stop sleeping with them so quickly? Sounds like you are sleeping with them on the first date?

backwardsxylophone · 20/08/2023 00:51

What kind of person are you looking for? Do you have realistic expectations pr are you looking for price charming? From experience it can be extremely tough to make a connection with someone these days, especially on the dating apps. I got sent mostly sexual messages. Really disheartening. I ended up meeting someone on a chance encounter. Meeting people online is on one hand convenient, on the other it's really hard to really tell if you actually have chemistry with the person until you've met them face to face which can be annoying and disappointing. Iwould suggest don't sleep with them so quickly, which you already seem to be aware of but people are all about hooking up these days. It's like long-term relationships are taking a backseat so it's worth trying to build a more meaningful connection before getting physical if you want something more serious.

Interested in this thread?

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Dating General relationships
MetaverseMavis · 20/08/2023 01:20

I forced myself to go on a first date every week or so and kept friends in the loop via mid-humour posts to very select few on a SM app. Their feedback encouragement and humour made it easier. The one? yep I found him. Met none of my criteria but he is my perfect partner

Bonniethewestie · 20/08/2023 01:34

I went on sooo many dates before finding my partner and now been together a few years. He had been on the apps for ages too.

It can (and will) happen just have to stick with it even though it’s so frustrating. Remember not all guys take great pics of themselves so I would definitely say giving a few the benefit of the doubt is a good strategy!

Also if you can get involved with something new that can be a great way to meet new people like tag rugby or doing a group travel thing. Or even borrow my doggy and take a cute dog for a walk in the park/a quick trip to the pub.

30 is still young, people these days do settle much older so don’t stress and try and enjoy your single time.

elifont · 20/08/2023 03:22

It's probably harder to date after 30 as there's more baggage, divorces and kids, but if you want to sleep with someone, it might not lead to future romance but have fun along the way

OnlineExxxcitement · 20/08/2023 07:17

I think differently - sleep with who you want when you want. Dont "doll yourself up" or go to thr gym to find a man (lol). Online dating is demoralising. You will eventually find someone.

BibbleandSqwauk · 20/08/2023 07:38

"you will eventually find someone"..not necessarily. OP I don't mean this nastily at all but the idea that it WILL happen I think just enforces the idea that it is the normal state for people to be coupled up and you're doing it wrong if it doesn't happen. One of my best friends is in her 50s and has a lovely, single life. Successful in her career, has all her money and time to go what she wants. She has a great family and circle of friends, hobbies etc. I also know loads of people in frustrating, annoying relationships who are taken for granted daily, have no money or time for themselves but are too entwined financially and practically to leave.
It's not the ultimate goal in life ..you haven't failed at life if you don't find someone. I know it sounds trite but just do the things you want to do, including dating but try not to invest too much.

Original poster
unluckyinlove91 · 20/08/2023 12:04

Thanks all

OP posts:
Original poster
unluckyinlove91 · 20/08/2023 12:52

I think I drink too much on dates to give me confidence and hide my self esteem issues… but, that’s not good is it?

OP posts:
Amispringy · 20/08/2023 13:35

OnlineExxxcitement · 20/08/2023 07:17

I think differently - sleep with who you want when you want. Dont "doll yourself up" or go to thr gym to find a man (lol). Online dating is demoralising. You will eventually find someone.

Will she? Eventually

These kind of posts are very unhelpful

Amispringy · 20/08/2023 13:35

Bonniethewestie · 20/08/2023 01:34

I went on sooo many dates before finding my partner and now been together a few years. He had been on the apps for ages too.

It can (and will) happen just have to stick with it even though it’s so frustrating. Remember not all guys take great pics of themselves so I would definitely say giving a few the benefit of the doubt is a good strategy!

Also if you can get involved with something new that can be a great way to meet new people like tag rugby or doing a group travel thing. Or even borrow my doggy and take a cute dog for a walk in the park/a quick trip to the pub.

30 is still young, people these days do settle much older so don’t stress and try and enjoy your single time.

And this too. Will it happen?

How long do you give it?

continentallentil · 20/08/2023 13:41

It is a numbers game as you say

You just have to have a drink with an awful lot of frogs

You don’t have to shag then though. if you can’t have sex without getting emotionally entangled can you knock that off?

x2boys · 20/08/2023 13:45

BibbleandSqwauk · 20/08/2023 07:38

"you will eventually find someone"..not necessarily. OP I don't mean this nastily at all but the idea that it WILL happen I think just enforces the idea that it is the normal state for people to be coupled up and you're doing it wrong if it doesn't happen. One of my best friends is in her 50s and has a lovely, single life. Successful in her career, has all her money and time to go what she wants. She has a great family and circle of friends, hobbies etc. I also know loads of people in frustrating, annoying relationships who are taken for granted daily, have no money or time for themselves but are too entwined financially and practically to leave.
It's not the ultimate goal in life ..you haven't failed at life if you don't find someone. I know it sounds trite but just do the things you want to do, including dating but try not to invest too much.

But the Oo.clearly wants to.meet someone
Im.sure tour friend has a wonderful life and is very happy being single but not everyone is .
Op.i.wss very like you although I met my dh,18 years ago.and it wss before internet dating
I.met him through his sister and we had a one night stand and that was it we have been together ever since I was 31_when we met he wss 30.

continentallentil · 20/08/2023 13:46

BibbleandSqwauk · 20/08/2023 07:38

"you will eventually find someone"..not necessarily. OP I don't mean this nastily at all but the idea that it WILL happen I think just enforces the idea that it is the normal state for people to be coupled up and you're doing it wrong if it doesn't happen. One of my best friends is in her 50s and has a lovely, single life. Successful in her career, has all her money and time to go what she wants. She has a great family and circle of friends, hobbies etc. I also know loads of people in frustrating, annoying relationships who are taken for granted daily, have no money or time for themselves but are too entwined financially and practically to leave.
It's not the ultimate goal in life ..you haven't failed at life if you don't find someone. I know it sounds trite but just do the things you want to do, including dating but try not to invest too much.

If you want to be in a relationship and are prepared to put effort into dating to find one, it’s very unlikely not to happen.

If you are sensibly picky and honest about what you want it is unlikely to be crap.

This is not to say that it will be the Great Love of the Century, or that eventually it won’t run out of steam, or that you wouldn’t be just as happy single.. but it is to say that a perfectly nice relationship can be yours if you want it.

my82my · 20/08/2023 14:08

I don't think having sex on a first date puts men off like some have said. I met my DH of 9 years OLD, had sex on the first date.
Relationship before that.. same and together for 3 years.
It's a numbers game.. I've had dates that I liked but never heard from again but have also felt the same the other way around.

BananaSlug · 20/08/2023 14:12

my82my · 20/08/2023 14:08

I don't think having sex on a first date puts men off like some have said. I met my DH of 9 years OLD, had sex on the first date.
Relationship before that.. same and together for 3 years.
It's a numbers game.. I've had dates that I liked but never heard from again but have also felt the same the other way around.

It does. You just got lucky that's all. The majority of men will be put off when they got what they want which seems to be what is happening here. The majority it does put them off.

BananaSlug · 20/08/2023 14:14

Also there is no harm in trying something different is there. If op is not getting past the first date that's very unusual imo. Somethings going wrong, and thats that they've already had sex with her so on to the next. Maybe wait a bit longer and see if they are just after sex or not rather than sleeping with every man you have a date with.

Tatslookawful · 20/08/2023 15:02

Read ‘The Rules’ & do it like bootcamp. It will work for someone like you & what you want/need I feel.

Bonniethewestie · 20/08/2023 15:29

Amispringy · 20/08/2023 13:35

And this too. Will it happen?

How long do you give it?

Show quote history

I know loads of people who were on the apps for well over 5 years and then now getting married to someone they met online!

Its not everything and need to build a social/work life you are happy with in the meantime but no reason to give up hope!

my82my · 20/08/2023 15:37

It does. You just got lucky that's all. The majority of men will be put off when they got what they want which seems to be what is happening here. The majority it does put them off.@BananaSlug

They are also having first date sex! I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was so judgmental and hypocritical. If they leave you for this reason then you've dodged a bullet.

BananaSlug · 20/08/2023 15:40

my82my · 20/08/2023 15:37

It does. You just got lucky that's all. The majority of men will be put off when they got what they want which seems to be what is happening here. The majority it does put them off.@BananaSlug

They are also having first date sex! I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was so judgmental and hypocritical. If they leave you for this reason then you've dodged a bullet.

The fact they aren't coming back for more is very telling though. She says she rarely makes it past the first date so something is making them run! That's unusual ime, if the sex was good and they liked her they would be back for more even if they didn't want a relationship but that isn't happening so op does need to reassess the situation something is putting them off!

littledinosaurs · 20/08/2023 15:40

I met my husband online. I put in my profile that I was looking for marriage and kids. Definitely put a load of people off, which was perfect 😂👍🏻 would recommend. Lots of luck.

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