Would you find this strange, birthday related

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I have a twin brother, we celebrated a milestone birthday and my SIL arranged a gathering for my brother at their house.

I was invited and given a time to arrive. When I arrived everyone was already there and they'd eaten a Dominoes delivery, so had clearly been there sometime. I was told to help myself to the leftovers.

She'd had a cake made with his name on it etc, everyone sang happy birthday to him and I stood there feeling awkward and embarrassed bearing in mind were twins!

As kids we always celebrated together joint cake, joint party etc. I know the party was for him, but the singing happy birthday thing was so awkward.

Is this strange or am I being a princess! 😂

It's strange, yes.

That's awful 😞 I'm sorry 😔

That's really thoughtless. I know it was your brothers party but I would've thought your brother would've felt awful too?

I suppose the rationale was that the party was for your brother, and you were just another guest who happened to have her birthday on the same day?

I mean, I wouldn’t have been expecting to have had my name on the cake, to be honest — but maybe to have been included in the ‘Happy Birthday to you’ singing? The bit that’s odd is that you arrived at the specified time and everyone else had already been there long enough to have finished eating — but maybe the idea was that you were just going to be there for the cake?

It sounds like a mismatch of expectations. Did you think the party was also for you? Why didn’t you have your own plans? I wouldn’t normally expect adult twins to celebrate birthdays together unless they were very close, and had organised their own party, or that it was organised by parents or siblings? If you didn’t make your own plans because you thought this party was also for you, I can see why you’d be hurt?

Are you close to your twin? Was it a surprise party, or did your twin know about it in advance?

Most odd and rude.
What did your brother say ?
Were you arriving alone or with your family.
Were your parents, other siblings and wider family there ?

I suppose the rationale was that the party was for your brother, and you were just another guest who happened to have her birthday on the same day?
It's just pure rudeness, though. Op is this guy's twin, not some random who just coincidentally happens to share a birthday.
Awful, hurtful behaviour.

Did you not know anyone else at the party? Odd if you had mutual friends and family there.

We had a joint night out celebration with all our friends the week before, which was lovely.

I'm single so no one to organise anything for me. He knew about the party and was drunk by the time I got there.

I got over it quickly, it's one day and my SIL is usually very thoughtful 😊

I think if I'd arrived to find leftovers I'd be pointedly saying "Oh, sorry, I thought we were meeting at this time, am i late? I must have got it wrong." And scrolling messages to check. I don't appreciate being shat on.

Friends or family?

If it's family, then, yes, very weird. I'd have expected one of them to say something.

If it was his friends, then maybe they should have added you to the song, but, not the cake particularly.

That’s awful. I used to date a twin and his sil often did this. He found it very upsetting. I just wouldn’t go next year.

That's really bizarre! It's almost like SIL decided to forget the twin thing and ignore you entirely
I'm sorry, I feel like that's a really shitty thing to do!

Well, you sound very sane. Happy belated birthday.

I assume your SIL’s thought process was that you and your twin had had your joint celebration already, so she wanted to throw an individual party for him. After all, she’s only married to one twin. And your twin knew about the plans and didn’t see an issue.

I don't think it's odd that your sister arranged a birthday celebration for her husband. I also think it's perfectly acceptable that part of the day (ie before you got that) might not include all the guests. I'd expect the cake to be for him. I would though have expected either a 2nd rendition of happy birthday or even a joking acknowledgement during 'his' song eg slipping your name in.
Did you think your SIL had thrown a party for you too? If the birthday was so important, why didn't you have your own party with your friends/family or maybe chip in financially/practically with your brother?

How is that being shat on. Let's say she was invited for 3pm and was there a bit early. Maybe people from earlier had just finished a late lunch. It might not even have been planned. I don't think she was invited for food and they'd eaten it all. More likely there was spare stuff hanging around and and they said 'grab a slice if you want some'. Nothing wrong with that at all.
They'd had their official birthday evening out. I'd imagine this was the actual birthday and more of an informal get together.

Strange and thoughtless but it seems out of character as you note.

I have adult twins and I’d hate to think of one of their partners behaving like this OP.

It might not even have been planned
Of course it was planned. it was a formal gathering and op was invited.

Odd and weird. Makes me think she invited other guests to arrive earlier so they can celebrate before you come to 'claim your share of the celebrations'.

Your brother shouldn't have gone along with it. It was calculated and mean.

Yes it is really strange ! The cake and singing of happy birthday just to him..very thoughtless . Surely you would sing the happy birthday for anyone there with the same birthday, and given that you are twins it is even stranger.

From your update, I don't think anyone did anything wrong, other than that it would have been nice to include you in singing 'Happy Birthday' or some other casual acknowledgement it was your birthday too.

If you and your brother had already had a joint celebration with friends the week before, this was clearly just a party for your twin thrown by his wife, the way you might have chosen to also celebrate separately with your own individual friends/circle, or with your own partner/spouse, if you had one.

I mean, you say you always had joint parties and joint cakes as a child, but you're not children now. (I'm not a twin, but have a sister a year younger, whose birthday is two days after mine, so we always had joint parties, joint cakes as children, which we both hated -- we very much enjoy doing our own thing for birthdays as adults, even though we get on well..)

How bizarre!

I'm a twin and my husband is also a twin.., they have a milestone birthday next year so sil and I are arranging a family meal! We will celebrate both of them!

Your sil is a spiteful cow!

It's very odd and rude. What a coward SIL is. Surprised your brother didn't say anything.

Cow Bag not coward.