That’s it, she’s gone…

[Bitsadtoday1]

DD, 25, just driven off to spend the first night in the house she’s just bought. Gave her a cheery wave and said I’d see her tomorrow- she’s only a 5 minute drive away.

Her room here’s now pretty empty, spent weeks organising the new house so it’s ready to sleep in, and now it’s all over.

Did you worry?

Will she lock the door? Be careful down the stairs? (Steep stairs/ downstairs bathroom) Be scared of noises? Spiders?

How did you feel when your first one left to live alone? Did it take long to get used to it?

Thankyou for any insights, feel a bit flat!

@NorthWestThree yes, rather than the practical things, it is being lonely isn’t it? Hope you’re ok x

My youngest daughter moved out at 18 into a rented ground floor flat locally, on her own. Very sensible & independent.
Yes I definitely.....has she locked the door, blown out candles etc.

Awww .... Bless you OP.I'm sure she will be absolutely fine, but I don't think there is anything weird at all about worrying!

I moved out a lot younger (my choice,not my lovely parents) but they definitely worried about this kind of thing. They still do now I'm 35🤣 I am a single parent of 2 but I reckon they'd be like that anyway.

Congrats to your DD and I hope she enjoys her new home xxx

My first moved out for uni, it was hundreds of miles away and the main thing I worried about was how much he would drink! He didn't come back back after uni and I don't really worry about him - Facetime is a reassuring invention.

I'm in my 50s and when my mum comes to visit and we go out somewhere she always asks me if I've locked the door and got my keys haha. I tell her that I manage every other day when she isn't there without anyone reminding me!

Oh my gosh, sorry I have young kids so I am absolutely clueless about the flying the nest stuff and I’m dreading it already (like think about it a lot and they’re not even in double digits yet) but I have to say your daughter’s version of flying the nest is the absolute dream! Not only has she moved only five mins down the road but she’s actually BOUGHT five minutes down the road! Therefore she’ll likely be there some time and not flit off to the other side of the world!

To top it off this proves she actually likes you - no one moves five minutes away from their parents unless they want to see them. Go you!

I can’t even imagine how it feels to have her move out out…but sounds like you’ve done a great job being her mum

What lovely lovely people you are helping me and sharing your stories.
@Alopeciabop you made me cry! (happy tears) and help me see how lucky I am. It comes round so quickly, enjoy your little ones xx

I was married with a kid and a mortgage by the time I was 25. I can't imagine my own DS and DD doing the same though. DS moved out at 18 to live with friends so thankfully he doesn't live alone (and I like his friends!)

Congratulations to your DD on moving into her first home! How lovely that she is not too far away 🙂it’s a big step but she’ll be fine and it’ll be reassuring to her that you are close by.

I think for a lot of our kids going to uni and living there is our first taste of them having independence at eighteen. Now my son is entering his final year I’m used to him living away. He and his gf practically live together anyway. I think it’ll be more of an adjustment if he comes back here to live, although he is always very welcome to.

His exciting for your DD though to be a homeowner at twenty five!

Eh, I'm not the over protective type but I would be a little anxious if my 27 DD moved into her own place. But I watch a lot of true crime shows so it makes me a little anxious for women to live alone, especially young ones.

But she'll be okay, and you'll worry less over time.

Amazon sell spider catchers.

Son moved out in November aged 28. He’s doing fine. Comes for dinner once a week phones most days to ask advice that he doesn’t need! I miss having him here, he’s an only child and my kitchen disco and karaoke partner. That said, our relationship has improved and I look forward to seeing him. I also think he has matured a bit because mummy isn’t at his beck and call! She’ll be fine, she’ll still be scared of spiders but she’ll cope.

@Zimunya your dad was so right. I am here for my 2 children should anything go wrong. But now both mid 30’s and have been independent for a decade and more but not been needed so far.

My son and his fiancee moved into their new home when he was 23.
I went into his empty room and cried my eyes out for awhile, even though I was really pleased and proud of the man he had become.
A couple of weeks later, I was really embracing the freedom!

She's done really well to be buying at 25 these days OP, you've clearly done a good job! My DD is a teenager so I'm currently navigating the earlier stages of her independence but I'm already determined not to repeat my own mother's over anxious behaviour as it did me no favours and made me an anxious adult. Even if you have to fake it to begin with she needs to see that you're confident in her ability to cope, because then she will be confident in herself.

And don't forget to bask a little in how proud you are of her, and of yourself for raising such an amazing young woman! That seems far more appropriate than you worrying to me

I left for the second time at 21 for 7 months, came home 2 years later, pregnant!
Perhaps not ideal, but 22 years later I'm fine.
Our kids really are pretty amazing 👏

she bought a house and shes 25

My parents kicked me out when I was 16 with teddies still in my bed....I wasn't a naughty 16 year old either they just wanted my room. I ended up in a horrible studio in a homeless hostel in the next town.
Seeing loving mothers (quite rightly) caring about their adult children's well-being when they've moved out at ages far higher than mine was, makes me wonder why on earth mine didn't.
When asked, she will say "Well it's what you wanted" - It really wasn't! Besides, I was 16! Funnily enough they then buggered off on holiday to Canada whilst I was going days without food.

Anyway my point is, she will be fine. At 25 she will be a thousand times more mature than I was and will be enjoying the novelty of having her own place, for quite some time yet! You obviously raised her well enough to have her priorities right and to look after money well enough for a mortgage.

Well done OP's daughter!

Thanks all for your support and kind words. It’s lovely hearing your stories and your reassurance.

@AlfietheSchnauzer I’m really sorry to hear your story, that’s bang out of order and must have been very hard for you then, and now. My mum worries now, but as soon as I went to Uni she rented my room out! I was like, err…cheers then. If it hadn’t have been for my bf family I’d have had nowhere to go holidays and weekends. Your situation sounded terrible. It’s a good job we learn from their mistakes and try to do better by our own kids isn’t it. Wishing you all the best xx

@HerAvatar lovely words and great advice thankyou x

💕

Thank you. Yeah it is. My mum just repeats the same thing over & over if I try to get any answers now, states how it was "years ago" and tries to deny that they went to Canada whilst I was there. However the fact that 9/11 occurred the day after their evening flight had left (so I was panicking in my room as their flight went via NY) kind of proves it. Everyone remembers where they were that day, after all!

Anyway I'm so sorry. I've derailed your thread. I guess I just got what the young'uns call 'triggered' by your very obvious love & adoration of your child.

<goes to google counselling>

@AlfietheSchnauzer no apologies needed, you haven’t derailed anything. This is a chat about worrying about our kids and you have experience of feeling like no one worried about you. That’s sad and I’m sorry you have had to go through that.
The young ‘uns also would call your parents ‘gaslighting parents’. Denying your experience when you know what happened and how you felt. It’s a pity counselling is beyond most peoples means at the moment as it would be good if you could talk this through. You didn’t deserve that, especially as in my eyes you were still just a baby really.
Hope you are ok xx

It’s the end of an era isn’t it op? That sadness that you’ll never have them completely with you again? I get it. My son went away to uni at the other end of the country last October and I was so sad but I did get used to it quickly and so will you.

Enjoy your time with her today. You sound like a lovely mum.

Hope you feel better being an absolute twat to another woman looking for a bit of reassurance. Well done luvvie.