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Shared finances without children

8 replies

abc12378 · 18/08/2023 10:49

On the back of a lot of threads about shared finances, I just wanted to see how you think finances should work when you are married but there are no children involved that you have together.

Me and my partner are getting married next year. He has two children from a past marriage who live with us 50% of the time. We don't plan on having children together (my choice).

He earns more than I do but we split the most of the bills and mortgage 50/50. He then pays the council tax, does most of our food shops and always picks up the bill when we go out for lunch/dinner, will pay 70% of holidays etc, so even though he earns more than me I'm not too bothered that we go 50/50 with bills and mortgage.

I see so many women on here say how families should share finances so you have the same at the end of the each month etc, but the only shared account is our wedding account which we both put the same amout into each month. TBH as we won't be having kids I think this will still work best for me after we get married. 80% of the food we buy, for example, his kids eat, so I think I would feel a bit annoyed if that shop came out of an account I'd put money into each month if I'm barely eating any of the food, if that makes sense.

What do people think? Does anyone else here have experience of sharing finances when there are stepchildren involved? My partner bares all the expenses for his children but I obviously have some extra costs due to splitting bills which are higher when they stay with us, and also we split the mortgage but I can't actually use two of the bedrooms in our house as they are the boys rooms.

TIA!

OP posts:
SunshineHello · 18/08/2023 11:40

“we split the mortgage but I can't actually use two of the bedrooms in our house as they are the boys rooms.”

Thats the spirit.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 18/08/2023 11:54

I think what’s the point in being married if you want to keep your money to yourself. It’s literally there in the vows “everything I have I share with you”.

If you don’t want to share your stuff then fine, but I don’t see the point in being married in that case. If you went on to divorce he’d likely to be entitled to half anyway.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/08/2023 11:57

How much more than you does he earn?

You're paying half the bills and mortgage but he's paying a lot more of your joint costs on top (council tax, holidays, most of the food incl eating out) so it could be fair.

You say you're paying towards a house you can't use all of, but you're also investing in a more valuable asset with more potential for growth than you would be if the both of you were buying a 'couple sized' house instead of a family sized one.

If it were your DC, the consensus would be that your DH to be should pay half the mortgage/bills and not gripe about paying to heat step childs' bedrooms.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 18/08/2023 12:00

I had dc when we met and now have 1 shared. We don't go 50/50 as those dc are my responsibility.. Would never expect even a dh to sub them.. Why should op support the dc when presumably they have 2 parents to do that already? Her dh shouldn't expect op to work to provide for his dc...

YaWeeFurryBastard · 18/08/2023 12:01

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 18/08/2023 12:00

I had dc when we met and now have 1 shared. We don't go 50/50 as those dc are my responsibility.. Would never expect even a dh to sub them.. Why should op support the dc when presumably they have 2 parents to do that already? Her dh shouldn't expect op to work to provide for his dc...

That’s fair enough, but why get married then? Being married is legally about sharing everything, fine if you don’t want to do that but why get married?

Daftapath · 18/08/2023 12:04

Do you own the house jointly? Are you named on the deeds and mortgage?

abc12378 · 18/08/2023 12:28

Daftapath · 18/08/2023 12:04

Do you own the house jointly? Are you named on the deeds and mortgage?

Yes we own jointly (50/50 tennants in common) and both our names on the deeds.

And yes I completley get the point about the house being a better investment so I have no gripe about that. The only time it is frustrating if my mum comes to stay, for example, and we end up having to put her in a hotel even though I'm technically paying for another room in the house because the boys are with us that week.

I guess I'm just trying to guage whether it's really necessary for us to share finances/if there are any benefits as at the moment it works well for us

OP posts:
abc12378 · 18/08/2023 12:29

YaWeeFurryBastard · 18/08/2023 11:54

I think what’s the point in being married if you want to keep your money to yourself. It’s literally there in the vows “everything I have I share with you”.

If you don’t want to share your stuff then fine, but I don’t see the point in being married in that case. If you went on to divorce he’d likely to be entitled to half anyway.

It's not that I don't want to share our money, I'm just wondering if there are any benefits to it than what we are doing at the moment which works fine on most accounts

OP posts:
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