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Original poster

'Friend' with extreme views

34 replies

MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 08:02

Would you maintain a frienship with someone who expressed extreme/conspiracy theorist views?

I have a newish friend/acquaintance who I'm struggling with because of some of her views. Mostly she's lovely, friendly, popular but every now and again she drops into conversation with me something that horrifies me. In short, she thinks Ukraine is Russian and Putin has every right to do what he's doing. She believes all the nonsense about secret nato biolabs and genetically engineered mosquitos etc.

Until now I've brushed it aside as just being a bit batshit and best ignored as we are both studying fulltime and in the same, small class together, so need to get on. But over the holidays she's started sharing Russian propaganda on Facebook. The last video had a tagline about the anglo-american empire being the ultimate evil and was a massive anti west rant by someone else from her country. I don't know, but I'm guessing she thinks I wouldn't notice as it's all in her native language, but my phone automatically translates Facebook posts to English, so I couldn't miss it.

So now I've gone nuclear and blocked her on everything but I'm feeling so guilty and dreading start of term next week. I'm autistic and have no clue how to handle this situation going forward.

What would you do?

OP posts:
SunnieShine · 17/08/2023 08:10

I don't think you need to "do" anything. If you don't want to take this acquaintance further (and she may not either) you just need to be polite and pleasant while you study together then let it drift down the line.

JudgeAnderson · 17/08/2023 08:17

The best way in situations like this, if you don't feel like being confrontational, is more of a grey rock approach. So mute rather than block on social media etc. The blocking will indeed make it awkward when you see her again.

Didntmeanto6 · 17/08/2023 08:18

I don't believe it's necessary for our friends to hold the same views as us.

What you want from a friend is someone who has your back and makes you laugh.

Username1107 · 17/08/2023 08:19

It sounds as though she has different opinions to you. Some of which are not just opinions, but facts. If you don't feel you have much in common with her then don't be friends with her.

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 08:22

JudgeAnderson · 17/08/2023 08:15

The genetically modified mosquitoes thing is perfectly factual:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01186-6

She was referring to weaponised mosquitos being used by NATO to kill off Russians.

OP posts:
Username1107 · 17/08/2023 08:24

Is she Russian op?

calmcoco · 17/08/2023 08:25

I couldn't be friends with someone whose views I couldn't respect.

I am friends with people who hold different views to me, who vote differently to me.

But not people who spout absolute bollocks. Conspiracy theories went rampant during COVID but no, I couldn't be around too much bollocks.

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 08:26

Username1107 · 17/08/2023 08:24

Is she Russian op?

No she's Romanian.

OP posts:
BalletBob · 17/08/2023 08:30

Didntmeanto6 · 17/08/2023 08:18

I don't believe it's necessary for our friends to hold the same views as us.

What you want from a friend is someone who has your back and makes you laugh.

There are limits, surely? Would you be friends with a convicted paedophile because they “have your back and make you laugh”? Or a KKK member? I’m certain most of us would not. It’s very natural to seek friends with similar core values to ourselves, even if some of our opinions are not the same. Where we draw the line will differ from person to person, but for me someone who held the views that OP is talking about would not be someone I would spend time with. Clearly their core values do not align with mine.

EileenBrysonsTeabags · 17/08/2023 08:37

Irregardless of her views, is she a drain or a radiator to you personally OP?

Choose radiators as friends.

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 08:47

EileenBrysonsTeabags · 17/08/2023 08:37

Irregardless of her views, is she a drain or a radiator to you personally OP?

Choose radiators as friends.

Honestly I'm not sure. I was planning on distancing myself this term because I do feel drained but I'd put that down to my shortcomings.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 17/08/2023 08:48

I couldn't be friends with someone like this Op. I've even had to block some American relatives on Facebook as I couldn't stand all the Trump propaganda they kept spouting.
I always think you don't owe people anything. Friends could compliment your life, not make it trickier. I would still be polite when you see her. She may not ask why you've unfriended her on Facebook but if she does, just say you found her posts very offensive, and I didn't want to engage in things like that.

xyz111 · 17/08/2023 08:49

This is not a shortcoming of you Op at all 😀

AuntieMarys · 17/08/2023 08:57

We have nothing to do with dh's son as he is a complete conspiracist with incompatible political views.

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 09:01

I'll give you an example of what I had put down to my shortcomings. I'll have a BBQ for my friends who I've known for years. I'll invite 'Anna' (Romanian friend) as she's new to this country and doesn't really know anyone. She'll come along and everyone has fun.

But in class she will always sit next to someone else/anyone else other than me. But then at lunch, when everyone else goes home so I'm the only one, she'll sit with me and is chatty and very friendly.

It makes me feel bad but I can't really express why and then I feel bad about feeling bad and ashamed about not being able to understand or process what's going on.

OP posts:
BounceyB · 17/08/2023 09:02

I agree that blocking is too extreme. If you're not getting on be polite and civil in class but don't make arrangements outside.

Murrain · 17/08/2023 09:13

I think you’re blowing this way out of proportion. She has unpleasant, lunatic views, absolutely, but you sound as if you barely know her, and she doesn’t seem that keen on you if she only sits with you if there’s no one else available. Just don’t be so available, and avoid being alone with her. If you are, be civil but cool.

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 09:26

I think I'm blowing it way out of proportion too. That's one of my shortcomings due to being autistic. I honestly wish I knew how to stop it going round and round in my head.

OP posts:
AlfietheSchnauzer · 17/08/2023 09:30

JudgeAnderson · 17/08/2023 08:15

The genetically modified mosquitoes thing is perfectly factual:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01186-6

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I think we've found your ex-friend, op!

Original poster
MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/08/2023 09:32

😂

OP posts:
AlfietheSchnauzer · 17/08/2023 09:32

AuntieMarys · 17/08/2023 08:57

We have nothing to do with dh's son as he is a complete conspiracist with incompatible political views.

You mean your Stepson... You cannot force your DH to shun his own son just because he has different political views! That's horrendous behaviour

JudgeAnderson · 17/08/2023 09:32

I think we've found your ex-friend, op!

Would you like to expand on that?

Grimchmas · 17/08/2023 09:37

The nature article is behind a pay wall, but iirc a few years ago there was an experiment (successful I think) to release irradiated (so broadly healthy but infertile) mosquitos to reduce the over all numbers of mosquitos in areas which had, well, too many mosquitos. The fertile mozzies mated with the infertile ones as well as with other fertile ones, reducing the overall success of breeding. Is the nature article talking about that?

OP's Romanian friend sounds like she reads a lot of Russian propaganda. If it were me I'd treat her like the friendly acquaintance she appears to be - for sure block or unfollow her social media so you don't have to read that crap, and if she brings it up in person it would be perfectly reasonable for you to tell her that your views on the subject are not the same so you'd rather neither of you raise the subject with each other again.