WWYD low-level bullying in work

[maxxed]

Steve* and I started working in a new team at the same time from different areas in the company. We do very different roles that complement each other.

We started off quite friendly, we were in touch before our interviews, during the process, and then waiting to hear if we got the job. Then we were both excited to start. I thought we got on quite well and had a laugh.

The team generally WFH or goes into 2 separate offices based on our nearest location. Me, Steve and another guy are closest to office 1 so we began to arrange days to work in the office and had a couple of occasions of after work drinks.

Steve started to cool towards me after 2-3 months and he became friendlier with the other guy in our team who did the same role as him.

Then he stopped really conversing with me on Teams and ignoring me on work calls/in the team chat. When I say ignoring I mean if we both joined the meeting first he wouldn't even say hello or acknowledge me.

When I've asked for support with something he says it's not in his remit or he doesn't have time and continuously makes out his job and time is more important than mine. He refuses to collaborate.

We all worked at office 2 one day and he offered me a lift there however due to the distance I stayed in a hotel the night before so asked for a lift to his nearest train station on the way back home cutting over an hour from my travel time. He agreed so I hung around an hour after I'd finished waiting for him, for him to say he didn't know when he'd be finished and I'd best just go. So I left and got a cab only to see him and the other guy leave just after me while I was waiting. It was pouring with rain and I had to get 3 trains with 1 connection a 20 minute walk and obviously I got home and hour later than I would have done and 2 hours after he would have done.

When we have a team day in office 1 we all book seats next to each other as the whole point is to work together. I scheduled an in-office day and said to Steve and the other guy where I was sitting. They ended up booking seats on the other side of the office so I was sitting on my own. I said to Steve I thought it was out of order and whats the point of coming in as a team to sit away from each other, he said we were in the office together and he didn't think that meant we had to be sitting on top of each other.

There's constant snide or patronising comments from him and undermining me in meetings.

As we mainly WFH I can mostly ignore him but it's given me a complex as to what his issue with me is and there will come a time very soon when we will need to work closely on a project together and I don't know how to handle this.

Does anyone have any advice?

To add, I was really upset on the office when they sat elsewhere and I met a friend for a coffee who works there and mentioned it to him. He said he knows him as a friend of a friend and had a few choice words about him and his attitude in general from his experience so it's not just me who finds him difficult.

So your friend knows he’s a knob. Consider that and think of him accordingly. It’s not you, it’s him.

I’d call him out on it, see how big he looks then.
“Steve, I’ve noticed that you’re a bit off with me and seem to be going out of your way to ignore me and I’m wondering what I’ve done to annoy you so much? It’s becoming quite tiresome trying to converse with someone I’m meant to be working with when you are behaving the way you are so I thought now might the time to sort it out.”
Say it infront of his other mate. He sounds like an idiot.

Start writing down exact incidents with dates and times. Screenshot snide messages. If it really starts to escalate record him. You may never need it but on the other hand it’s always best to be prepared.

He sounds like a crap colleague and perhaps just isn't interested in a friendship with you. Don't take it to heart, it's his loss. Make some new friends at work instead, you don't need him.

I'd give up. I'd ignore him back. I'd stop bother going in to the office. There's no point in addressing it, he won't admit it and will likely try to gaslight you.

I'd be keeping my head down and look for a job elsewhere.

Is it possible he fancied you initially?

He's probably an incel.

The other guy in the team is lovely and was visibly embarrassed about the office incident when they sat elsewhere. He came over to me and I was obviously fizzing about it and he said come over and sit with us to which I replied not a chance.

I doubt he fancied me, we're both married with kids.

It's like being back at school! He's arranging days in the office with 2 other team members without telling me and it's only when I say oh I'm going in on such a such a day if anyone wants to join me and then the lovely guy says oh we're in the next day if you want to join us!