Have you ever moved from urban to rural and would you do it again?

[MidlifeCrisisMover]

Hi folks, I've name changed for this because someone from my circle might guess it's me and think I'm having second thoughts!

Quick backstory - there's me, DH and DS (starting reception next month) and I've landed a job wfh, so we're planning on abandoning life in our crappy, run down city for a fresh start somewhere either rural or semi rural. The noise, people and pollution here are causing mayhem with my mental wellbeing and we believe we'd all be happier in the countryside. I had a countryside upbringing and want the same simplicity and freedom for DS, although I grew up in mainland Europe so I know it'll be different.

So, has anyone succeeded in such a lifestyle change? Would you do it again? What do you wish you knew then that you know now?

Also, I'd love to know how you chose your destination. We haven't a clue where to start other than looking at schools, and reasonable proximity to PiL because they're not getting any younger.

Thanks!

Thanks so much for all of the replies - it's really given me a lot to think about.

@fullbloom87 without saying exactly where I live, it's one of the more run down coastal areas on the north east coast. I'd still like to stay in the north east of England. There are lots of really beautiful places here, just where I am isn't one of them! I thought I'd love living on the coast, but it just doesn't do it for me, to be honest. In the summer, it's very busy and there is quite a drinking culture here - not so much nice family places to visit with the kids. That's changed over the last few years. The town centre is a dump and there are lots of examples of antisocial behaviour around. Almost daily on the neighbourhood forums, there is a new incident of burglary, car theft, criminal damage. It's DH's home town, so I've been reluctant to be too negative in the past, but even he says he believes our son would be better off growing up elsewhere - particularly somewhere with a greater sense of community.

The wfh point is a good one, too. Although I think the sector I work in is unlikely to revert back to 9-5 in the office, it's stll worth considering that I might need to change jobs in the future and that could be a hybrid arrangement.

I'm thinking maybe a village/market town might give us the best of both worlds. Not completely isolated (we'll wait until DS has left home for that!), but somewhere nice and quiet. I'm craving peace and quiet - can't quite explain how important this is for me.

For those that had/have teens - did it affect friendships/social development in a negative way? There are presumably lots of positives to having smaller class sizes etc (another reason for us wanting to move), but I'm wondering if not having many kids around makes things more difficult socially, aside from the important point about having to taxi kids everywhere? That said, the guy at work who seems to organise all of the social stuff grew up on a farm in the Cotswolds with only sheep for company - doesn't seem to have held him back, so maybe it depends on the person! 😂

My DSs live a great deal of their lives online anyway (drives me mad!), so their friendships operate differently from how mine did at their ages. The most physically active one sorts out meet-ups with his mates and happily cycles to neighbouring villages. We help out with lifts if necessary and his friends' parents are good at lift-sharing (we all understand this is part and parcel of living rurally) so we don't actually do that much taxi-ing ourselves. The one at uni has made friends there so his friendships have moved on from being locally based. He misses them in the hols but it's made him keen to try a bit of city living after he finished uni (and why not? Your 20s is exactly the time to do it).

I think social groups at school are very dependent on individual year cohorts: the two eldest were in a year group of generally hard-working students so they went through exams with others who wanted to do well. The youngest's year group was less focused and behaviour wasn't great but he gravitated towards others who also wanted to do well and he's chosen to go to a different, bigger sixth form so he will hopefully meet new people who are also ambitious. It's worth keeping in mind that entitlement to free school transport ends at 16 so, unfortunately, if your children have to travel to school, you'll be footing a surprisingly hefty bus bill, even if they stay on at your catchment school.

We felt that in our previous town, friends might have been geographically closer but, given issues with drugs and, unfortunately, some instances of knife-crime, we'd probably have ended up giving lifts rather than make their own way around anyway, so we're not that much worse off in that respect. There would have been more for them to do (cinema, bowling etc.) but whether or not they'd have got off their screens very often to actually go and do it, I don't know!

Yes, I lived in 3 big mega cities (not London) around the world and then when I moved to the UK and dh and I decided to settle down and get married, we moved to a very small village far from any city (we didn't even have a shop and the post office was run out of someone's kitchen 2 mornings a week). We now live not even in a village, next closest neighbour about 1/2 mile away.

I absolutely love where I live and I'd never live anywhere else, but it was definitely an adjustment at the time. I never doubted the decision or wanted to move back, but I found it very different. There was not a whole lot to do compared to what I was used to. The people I met were quite different to me and I found it hard to make friends - I think this had a lot to do with moving to a village where we were the youngest by a large stretch and not having children at the time, so no avenues to meet other people our age. I felt just a bit stuck at home all the time. I did adjust though and I think just getting older and having dc made a difference - I'm not going out doing loads of fun stuff anyway as too busy, so I no longer miss its absence. I've found new fun stuff to do too.

One thing I would say is to pay quite close attention to the community you are moving into and if you have young children, look for one with a younger crowd, a village school, family activities, beavers/scouts/guides, etc. I've lived rurally for 12 years now and with the exception of where we just moved in the past couple years, everywhere else has been mostly pensioners. One village we lived in didn't have a single child in the whole village. And there were limited resources for families and limited activities except the WI, the church choir, watercolour painting at the hall at 11am on a Tuesday. All lovely activities, btw! But nothing suitable for kids or for working adults who aren't retired. Where we are now, we have a lovely community, lots of kids the same age as ours, friends also the same age as us, family BBQs, lots of activities for all ages, etc.

Guessing it's somewhere like Sunderland or Middlesbrough, in which case I'd want out too.

What not to do: move to a small Durham or Northumberland ex-colliery village that's a minimum of four miles from the nearest town on a road with no pavements and one bus an hour. I did that as an adult who couldn't yet drive (fleeing abuse, moved in with family). I couldn't go anywhere in any sensible timeframe and was told several times when applying for jobs that my lack of car prevented the employer from offering me the job because I would not be able to get to and from the job at the times they needed me to. And you don't get many jobs in a village that has sub-500 population.

Your children will not thank you at all for such a wall-less prison that makes them reliant on lifts from you for everything.

Yes. Moved from medium-sized city to small village. Moved to a large town when kids had to go to secondary school. Wouldn't live rurally again: no amenities, no shops when you run out of milk, lots of nasty gossips, complete reliance on a car for everything you and your children want to do.

We moved from Zone 2 to a large village when DC were tiny. It’s great with younger kids, but I’m so pleased our village has more amenities than most and public transport to a small town 2 miles away and the local city, where they go to school (30 mins.) Our DC have needed that independence as they get older and it’s not fair for them to be relying on lifts to get everywhere.

I would agree there’s rural and there’s rural. Our village has three pubs, to cafes, a recreation centre, grocery store, two charity shops, a library, a deli, other businesses and various social activities. There’s a large gym/ pool/golf country club five minutes drive away and a town five minutes in the other direction. There’s a bus every 15 minutes and you can be in Cambridge or at Stratford Westfield in less than an hour, door to door. That’s very different for a teen to living in a hamlet in the middle of nowhere.