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Original poster

Don’t want to go to nursery.

16 replies

Mammadibambini · 16/08/2023 13:18

My darling girl who is 14 months just had her first settling session at nursery. God those places are distressing. Lots of children crying and the staff were brushing off their feelings like saying “oh you’re fine”, or still feeding them when they were crying. No wonder nursery kids cortisol levels are so high.

I don’t have many options as I’ve already started back at work. She’s only going for 2 days a week but I feel so bad about her going at all.

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 16/08/2023 13:21

Are you able to use a different nursery? That doesn't sound like a good one.

Original poster
Mammadibambini · 16/08/2023 13:21

Just want a hand hold really and for you to tell me all your positive stories 😂

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/08/2023 13:22

No wonder nursery kids cortisol levels are so high

Stats for this?

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Childcare & nursery Families
Original poster
Mammadibambini · 16/08/2023 13:22

We’ve had a nightmare with childcare, nurseries closing, childminders losing their assistants. I only found this nursery last minute and so clearly isn’t my first choice. She has a place at my preferred nursery in December but that is feeling really far away.

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 16/08/2023 13:22

Why on earth have you chosen such a hideous setting?

It is not like that at our nursery at all. Choose somewhere better for your child.

DarkSpark · 16/08/2023 13:24

My son was like this on the first nursery we tried him in, he would get extremely distressed as soon as the car turned onto the street and he realised where we were heading.
Moved him to a new nursery and he went in happily from day 1, bonded well with the staff and had a happy and positive 2 years there and a seamless transition to primary school.

Original poster
Mammadibambini · 16/08/2023 13:24

There’s lots of publications about this but just a quick search and the first one that came up is this one:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0141076820903494#:~:text=There%20is%20substantial%20evidence%20that,of%20cortisol%20release%20is%20disrupted.

its the same as with CIO just because a child isn’t crying anymore doesn’t mean they’re not distressed. They just know it’s futile to try and get attention

OP posts:
RoseBucket · 16/08/2023 13:25

That doesn’t sound like a good nursery!

What is the ratio of qualified staff versus students/apprentices?

Peony654 · 16/08/2023 13:25

I’d look elsewhere if you can but do also consider you only been there once. I’d give it more of a chance. At the end of the day you need to work in order to house and feed your child.

mummabubs · 16/08/2023 13:25

I think it sounds like you haven't picked the right nursery for you. Despite my reservations we had to send both our kids to nursery and they love it. Staff are very compassionate and we have a great relationship with them.

As a pp said I'd love to see the peer-reviewed evidence that children in nursery have high cortisol levels that you've presumably read to make that comment...

MrsR87 · 16/08/2023 13:27

I love the nursery that my 11 month old and 2.5 year old go to and they are there 5 days a week. The staff really seem to care and go above and beyond. It is a small setting though so all the staff know all the kids, even the rooms they don’t work in. The kids love it too. It took my first about 2 weeks to settle in well but once he got over the “mummy is leaving me” feelings. After then he didn’t even turn around to say goodbye to me anymore; he’s just wave behind his back! My little girl has just started her settling sessions but she has settles well so far with a few but no more than expected tears and was crawling around exploring the room and interacting with the staff and the other babies.
Has she been there long? If you really don’t like it, it might be worth looking at different nurseries as they really do have such different vibes.

xnalaks · 16/08/2023 13:30

My children have all thrived in nursery, this post feels off.

scrivette · 16/08/2023 13:34

Sounds like it may not be the right nursery for your DC. My two loved nursery and wanted to go in when they didn't have to.

CattingAbout · 16/08/2023 13:42

Two things:

  1. Sounds like the nursery isn't great tbh. My DC each went to nursery are one (different nurseries) and in both cases the kids were happy and engaged. December isn't that far away though, so just keep a close eye on how DC settles and keep up the dialogue with their key worker.
  1. If you are looking up stats on cortisol levels in nursery, that suggests that you are not comfortable with putting your DC in to a nursery at all. Either send your DC to nursery or don't, but own the decision instead of scaremongering yourself (and others).
CattingAbout · 16/08/2023 13:42

*2.
Numbering fail.

Onceuponatime56 · 16/08/2023 13:50

Well that’s not typical of any nurseries I’ve worked in - some were far better than others but none were that poor (I’ve worked in about 9 nurseries when temping).

You need to give her time to settle but it might not be the best nursery. I know plenty of children who thrive at nurseries if they are well run settings plus many parents have no choice

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