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Original poster

Gave something away on Facebook and recipient is now posting me gifts

26 replies

HiKenHiKenHiKen · 15/08/2023 21:29

I know it sounds sweet but I find it quite intrusive.

I gave away some glass tumblers recently after my father passed away (am dealing with his flat). The woman who came to collect insisted on baking me something as thanks despite me asking her not to (she said she would bring baked goods; I said please don’t as I have a food related health condition; she brought them anyway; I had to throw them away).

A few weeks on she has messaged me out of the blue to say she’s posted me a book for my kid - I must have mentioned in passing I had a child when we met - and sent me a photo of the package with my name and address on it.

I know in theory it’s sweet and I’m sure lots of you will think I’m overreacting but I just find it creepy this woman has my address and is now insisting on continuing contact. Also I’m anal about clutter (small flat) and don’t appreciate being sent unsolicited items.

Curious if anyone feels the same and how others would respond?

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 21:47

yea that seems a bit over the top, but maybe she is a lonely person or someone seeking connection. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either, especially given you specifically asked her not to
Give you anything baked and she ignores that request.

I think I’d either text saying something along the lines of “that really isn’t necessary, please do not send us anything else”. Or I’d just block her and ignore all contact.

Original poster
HiKenHiKenHiKen · 15/08/2023 21:52

Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 21:47

yea that seems a bit over the top, but maybe she is a lonely person or someone seeking connection. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either, especially given you specifically asked her not to
Give you anything baked and she ignores that request.

I think I’d either text saying something along the lines of “that really isn’t necessary, please do not send us anything else”. Or I’d just block her and ignore all contact.

Thanks for replying. So yes I went for the don’t reply and block route. Truth is I’ve been giving away a lot of things from my dad’s flat via Freecycle, olio, Facebook etc as I’m also quite anal about ethical decluttering and all the people who contact me are driving me crazy in one way or another (say they’ll turn up then they don’t; one person said they’d take a box of kitchen items which I left out for them and instead rifled through, took what they wanted and left the rest, including one half of a pair of mugs).

i just can’t bring myself to put it all in a tip but it might yet come to that.

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 21:55

Can’t you take it to a charity shop?

I’ve found people are almost better if they are paying for things than recieving them for free. Less messing about. Maybe because if you are paying, even a small amount, you have actually decided you want the things enough to pay for.

Original poster
HiKenHiKenHiKen · 15/08/2023 22:02

Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 21:55

Can’t you take it to a charity shop?

I’ve found people are almost better if they are paying for things than recieving them for free. Less messing about. Maybe because if you are paying, even a small amount, you have actually decided you want the things enough to pay for.

I agree re paying. But it also takes longer for things to go. Some stuff went to charity shops but they’re all quite discerning around here. So they won’t take mismatched mugs despite no chips and having lots of life in them. Seems a shame to throw them away if they can go to some students or someone in need.

There was one very sweet young woman who came from ages away and took as much as she could carry who clearly needed it.

OP posts:
Icycloud · 15/08/2023 22:06

I think it’s really nice. Also it’s just a book

AngelAurora · 15/08/2023 22:09

Have a bit of humility and accept the gifts gratefully. No need to be so dramatic about it.

WheresTheRemoteControl · 15/08/2023 22:11

Take to charity. In a bag. Drop on counter walk out. Then they can't be fussy about miss matched mugs etc.

readbooksdrinktea · 15/08/2023 22:12

I'd be uncomfortable too. It's OTT behaviour.

Busubaba · 15/08/2023 22:42

I wonder if she's a Jehovah's Witness?

She's softening you up.

JaneJeffer · 15/08/2023 22:43

Tell her you're moving abroad

CaramelMac · 15/08/2023 22:54

I wouldn’t like that either, I’ve got food allergies so I’m not eating some random home baked stuff from a stranger (whose kitchen could be manly for all I know) and if I’m decluttering and giving stuff away I don’t want more crap coming in.

CaramelMac · 15/08/2023 22:54

Manky not manly!!!

calmcoco · 15/08/2023 22:59

Some stuff went to charity shops but they’re all quite discerning around here. So they won’t take mismatched mugs despite no chips and having lots of life in them. What??! No charity shop I have ever donated to has checked bric-a-brac boxes.

Seal the boxes, drop them off.

Maybe find a scruffier charity shop.

coreas · 15/08/2023 23:20

Icycloud · 15/08/2023 22:06

I think it’s really nice. Also it’s just a book

It's invasive. OP doesn't want this. That makes it not 'just' a book.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all

Mossstitch · 15/08/2023 23:20

My local tip has a container for charity selling maybe yours does? Much easier than taking to individual charity shops or having people collect, park, unload, there's a list of some things they can't take but most things are OK.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/08/2023 23:30

Oh gosh, this has made me question myself. I gave away some themed items on a local FB page. A mum collected for her child who she described as obsessed. Since then, as my child is much older, when I've found items or related clothes, I've let her know and she's come and picked them up and I'm now wondering does she think I'm a crazy lady offloading all my shit 😬

Whapples · 15/08/2023 23:37

If it helps, results for a levels come out on Thursday so I’m sure lots of students will be looking for affordable items soon - they won’t need things like matching mugs etc, just cheap stuff in good condition! So that may help you clear more quickly - I would put them up in “uni bundles”? Find a list of things students need online and offer them all together for a very small price (like pp said - more likely to prevent buyer messing you around)!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 23:50

No, that's definitely stalky rather than kind. It's not even like a few tumblers are an expensive thing (unless Waterford Crystal, maybe?!) - not like you gave her a car or whatever.

How does it even help if somebody is clearing bric-a-brac and you bring them some more random bric-a-brac to replace it with?! She sounds quite egocentric and, as PP say, probably lonely.

WhiteCatmas · 16/08/2023 06:27

She’s trying to be nice.
It’s a book.
chill

CurlewKate · 16/08/2023 06:49

A plea! (Not you, OP!) Please don't use charity shops as a conscious-salving rubbish bin!

slashlover · 16/08/2023 07:39

calmcoco · 15/08/2023 22:59

Some stuff went to charity shops but they’re all quite discerning around here. So they won’t take mismatched mugs despite no chips and having lots of life in them. What??! No charity shop I have ever donated to has checked bric-a-brac boxes.

Seal the boxes, drop them off.

Maybe find a scruffier charity shop.

We pay over 600 per month for our bins because of all the unsellable tat people give us. You can buy mugs in the pound shop so why would people buy them from us? Please don't use us when the tip would be more appropriate.

Ireallywantsomechips · 16/08/2023 08:08

It’s something about the photo of the package with your name and address on it that doesn’t sit right with me…but I can’t put my finger on why. Why couldn’t she just send it? Why take a photo?

Tippley · 16/08/2023 08:10

Do you have a women's refuge type charity near you OP? We have one and when I've done clear outs I've written lists of the high quality stuff that has plenty of life left in it and they've been very happy to take a lot of it to help set women and children fleeing abusive partners up in their own homes.

Anothernamethesamegame · 16/08/2023 08:25

Ireallywantsomechips · 16/08/2023 08:08

It’s something about the photo of the package with your name and address on it that doesn’t sit right with me…but I can’t put my finger on why. Why couldn’t she just send it? Why take a photo?

It sounds quite centred on herself as the gift giver. Not listening to the request for no food, follow up with a gift you send a message and photo about. She’s seeking to fill her own needs…not gift giving out of thanks or kindness.

Busubaba · 16/08/2023 09:02

You told her you can't eat the baked food.

She brought it anyway.

'I can't eat those. I told you I can't. I would be ill.'

But you accepted them?!

Anyway you need to block her. Anything that arrives in the list, send back as 'return to sender'.