Am I doing therapy right?

[Itsvalentino]

I started seeing a counsellor in April, I go every other week, really nice woman, but I’m not sure if I’m utilising it as I should.

I basically just offload for an hour, counsellor will interject with her thoughts, opinions and questions but I never feel I’ve resolved anything.

I see her as I’m just overwhelmed with my life, work is so so hard, my dad is very poorly, there’s always a drama in my family, and I live in a dooer upper. I’m just not coping very well and it helps to talk to someone who doesn’t make the conversation all about them.

She does advise me, tells me I need to start setting boundaries but more than anything she listens whilst I waffle on.

Is this ok? I feel ok afterwards and I do enjoy talking to her, but is this how it should be?

Hi I’m similar. I’ve had about 4 or 5 sessions. I’m depressed and seeing the counsellor has helped me to not see things as perfect or catastrophic, to try and focus on the day rather than worrying about the future. A lot of it is me talking and often with tears. A lot about how my family overthink and plan and how to strive for good enough, not perfect.
I think I went in to counselling thinking it would give me practical strategies. But actually it has given me a bit of insight into my tendencies and leaning in a way I didn’t have before.
Im not sure whether it is ‘right’ though 😬

I switched to psychotherapy for exactly this reason. I needed help on how to change, not to offload

My counsellor does ask me what I want to get out of the session each time. Does yours? I am trying to think of this before the session to help shape it.

That’s interesting WunWun, did you find a psychotherapist gives more techniques of changing?

Yes, absolutely. Also they did listen to my waffle obviously, but didn't get into the inns and outs about particular situations and gave more of a "So you're telling me you react in this way when presented with this kind of situation" type of response. They looked at the bigger picture rather than dwelling on what Dave might have been thinking when I said that too him etc. If that makes sense?

I think there can be different reasons for therapy. Sometimes people are very depressed/hopeless and want to get out of that, sometimes people have changes they want to make... Like feeling stuck in a career or relationship. I suppose the reason for therapy might shape what that therapy looks like. And perhaps it might change over time as well. Maybe if you are feeling overwhelmed then it might take a bit of time for you to feel able to identify what you want from therapy and for now what you need is to feel supported.

I don't think there is a right/wrong way. I know from my own experience in therapy the question you ask here would be welcomed in therapy and would probably prompt a useful discussion. Maybe that you are asking the question means you are ready to move forward in some way/work a bit deeper (or need a bit less if no longer feeling useful?)

I wonder though, the asking is this ok? Etc. Might it feel uncomfortable to be spending time (and money) on yourself? Is it unusual for you to be prioritising your needs and you feel you have to justify it in some way.

The one I was seeing was big on techniques to think in a more positive way and also about letting go of feelings. Working through negative feelings and releasing them

I’ve been asked by DP and my Mom what I do at counselling, they’ve not asked what we talk about but have said ‘well what do you do for an hour’ and my answer was talk 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I’m not sure that’s enough. I mean I’m paying someone to sit and listen to me.

I am happy with the sessions, but feel as though I should be getting something more out of it.

I think in a weird way I was hoping that she’d tell me that I was the problem and tell me what I needed to do to change. Turns out I can’t change other people, only my response to them and her answer is to set boundaries. Which I’ve tried to do and now my mom isn’t speaking to me.

Counselling is literally what you've described. If you want to change them try another kind of therapy

I read somewhere that it usually takes around 12 sessions before you start to see a real change. My sessions feel similar to yours. That my therapist has done is give me space to think about my approach to things and guidance as to how to set boundaries and protect myself. She also helps me to understand that how I am feeling is ok and justified. I find this type of therapy extremely useful and the sense of 'offloading' is incredibly therapeutic. I've now had exactly 12 sessions and session 11 was my absolute breakthrough moment so far. I feel like it's helped save my life, but I do understand how some might not feel it is practical enough.
Depending on what you want, something like CBT might be better for you if you're looking for practical tools to use x