Mum and Dad’s relationship was a nightmare. Accusations of violence on both sides, both have accused the other of various things, one accused the other of attempted murder, the other of various forms of sexual assault and marital rape.
Mum has a diagnosis of EUPD and a whole host of other things, Dad almost certainly has FASD or fragile x. I’m not sure what as we’ve never had genetic testing done.
I never saw them act lovingly towards each other. My dad would grope my mum, my mum would flash him. If they had any sort of physical relationship I can’t imagine it was very loving. They never cuddled or kissed. My mum was very affectionate towards me and my sister, but relationship with me was odd - she treated me as her equal and her friend and had very unreasonable expectations of me from a very early age.
My mum was also very religious and told me sex was evil, dirty and only for having babies. I didn’t realise people had sex for fun until I was into my twenties. I remember finding it utterly alien listening to conversations at work at times.
I want to have a relationship myself. I’m in my early thirties. I’ve never had a real romantic relationship. Never had sex. I had a long ‘FWB’ thing going on but it was kept to telephone/texting only, we never met.
I don’t know how to be in a relationship. The thought of having sex with another person terrifies me. I only know a handful of people who’ve married and not divorced. The ones who aren’t, I only know two in happy marriages.
But I do feel lonely, and scared. I don’t want to end up alone. I want to be a mum, and I’m 32 and worried that’s not going to happen.
I’m in therapy at the moment but how do you approach this with a therapist? Just say what I’ve said to her here?