Autism Vs eccentric personality

[BlooDeBloop]

Context: A health care worker suggested my 12yo DS may have asd. He is socially extremely awkward at school but copes in his way and brushes off taunts etc. There are some anxiety issues we deal with. He is certainly quirky. Many of the males on my side of the family can fairly be described as eccentric or oddball (...actually this is a good description of me too 😆).

Question: what is this autism spectrum that potentially includes my DS at one end and on the other includes non verbal or highly violent people needing full time, respite care into teens and beyond? Or even the more common presentation we see on TV, the rocking, meltdown prone, OCD type of person. I just don't see the connection. Depression presents on a scale but one end looks like the other end just more extreme. ASD is highly variable. Indeed, this is reflected by the commonly quoted 'if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism' i.e. no two cases are the same. If none are the same how can we be sure we're dealing with the same thing when we diagnose and talk about autism?

Can anyone explain?

@Whatsthepoint1234 interesting.

My Dd was friendly and sociable and had lots of friends Burnt out, self harmed and dropped out at 17😣

When it impairs your functioning and negatively impacts your life.

@kelsaycobbles

What does it mean to find it hard to communicate with others for example ?

This could vary from not having speech, to having speech but only repeating words (echolalia) to having 'typical speech and language' but not being able to hold a conversation. My teen is so anxious about what a person might ask or say to her, and her not then understanding what the social etiquette is to reply, that she cannot talk to strangers, she becomes mute. But she could talk non stop at you about her interest, answer your questions and her communication would sound 'normal'. At no point would she ask you any questions about yourself or your interests, and when she is done speaking she will just get up and walk off.

Yes there is a massive overlap. His cousin has a diagnosis. I'm sure if he was assessed he would come up positive. We all notice the oddness but we all have quirks. The rigidity of ideas was indeed what the HCP came back with and to her was a flag. Saying he is likely asd is why I started this thread. As a quirky, odd, socially inept misfit (and I love home, I'm being honest with my descriptions. He is also highly imaginative, caring and funny - just in case someone thinks I'm being horrible about my own son 😆) I don't think he matches REMOTELY with what I see either represented as 'autistic' either on TV or the only RL understanding I have of teens with autism. Sorry to offend people but I'm trying to remain factual. Not after a bun fight etc.

So many of us don't match what you see as represented as Autistic on TV!

@OnionBhajis

I did my MSc research into (broadly) differences for autistic girls between school and home. People-pleasing (with staff) was my strongest theme; girls are desperate to follow every rule and get everything right. It dovetails with masking. Therefore primary teachers need to be aware that extreme ‘fawning’ response is a red flag for autism in girls. They should also be on the lookout for difficulties with friendships, and difficulties with transitions.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow If it offers you any reassurance I suffered horribly as a teen/young adult. Self harmed, lost interest/stopped trying at school, ended up trying to end my life. I somehow managed to drag myself through university at the expense of my well-being but now I’m in my 30s and I finally feel like I ‘belong’. I work and live a relatively normal life people just think I’m a bit odd. I really hope your dd feels better! I think being a ‘proper adult’ and getting actual helpful help turned a corner. I’m sorry for the slightly corny post but I really hope your dd feels better soon. I’m sure she’ll get back on track!

Thank you. That gives me hope. It’s been very difficult.

Is the issue that what you see of autism in real life or represented in the media seems ‘worse’ - ie, seems to be people who are ‘struggling more’ thank your DS?

Have you seen the Chris Packham documentary on autism? It had interviews with several autistic people with different challenges/presentation. And indeed the Christine McGuiness docs too.

I should have said popular media. I've read many books with autistic protagonists for example, and a couple of memories written by people with autism and followed blogs by mums parenting kids with ASD. As I said, my personal experience/knowledge spans my own nephew and the care work insights.

My main point is that someone without asd can be quirky. They can have favourite lunches, their own spot on the sofa, they can be introverts, they can be highly STEM orientated, they can really like routines such as a regular bedtime or regular mealtimes. I can't believe this makes someone differently abled. I'm sorry if this offends any readers. But I hold this opinion sincerely. And now I'm faced with the choice of fighting to obtain a diagnosis for something I'm not convinced applies to my son. I'm not convinced what he has is indicative of a medical disorder. I admit I may be wrong, I may not have the right information, I may misunderstand the information I'm given, all that is possible. I might also be right.

Tv representation is terrible, honestly terrible... it’s based on bad stereotypes.

But people with autism and a normal or high IQ do present very differently to people where IQ is also affected or are non verbal... they have difficulties in the same areas, but it is hard to see that when you’re unfamiliar because (obviously) you notice the most obvious things more.

My DS’s diagnosis is Aspergers (because he’s an adult and it was still a diagnosis when he was seen) and he is clever, funny and quirky. But those quirks absolutely do interfere with his life.

When it was first raised as a possibility when he was about 7, I scoffed at it tbh, I had experience of non verbal children with autism and couldn’t see it as being similar at all, till I did a whole load of research and found so many things that did describe my DS, almost exactly. The older he got the more obvious it was that he was experiencing difficulties with day to day life.

Lots of people are quirky introverts.

If your son doesn’t have any impairments, if he’s not struggling, if getting through life isn’t impacting negatively on his mental health. If he is happy, achieving at school and able to make relationships then he doesn’t need a diagnosis of anything.

We're not "differently abled" whatever that is. My Autism does disable me. You wouldn't get a diagnosis based on the things you've listed. Look up the Triad of impairments and tell me those things aren't disabling?

Yes neurotypical people can be quirky... they wouldn’t fit the diagnostic criteria though.

I share a few traits with my DS, but I wouldn’t get a diagnosis and shouldn’t - because it doesn’t affect my life in any way.

Thats where the difference between just being a bit quirky and autism comes in.

Again a woolly and so useless description

• your quirks don't affect your life but your sons traits affect his life

But surely everything about you affects your life ?

No, he does need a diagnosis. He can cope now in little school, but the crash will come in secondary. Don’t look at now, look at the future.

My Dd would still be doing her A levels if someone had diagnosed her earlier.

It sounds like you’re a very black and white thinker and like things to have very rigid yes or no answers. Unfortunately the human mind doesn’t work like that.
Diagnosing something like autism isn’t a tick box exercise, it involves multiple professionals using their own judgment to decide to diagnose.

Your son sounds much like mine. My DS doesn't present with the general ideas of what people think of as autistic at all.

He can be a bit awkward and blunt, sometimes literal and has a few texture issues. That's it. He's very clever and genuinely hilarious.

What I would say though is that high functioning ASD is still ASD. In periods of stress things can become to much and knowing this allows the child and others around them to understand what is happening and turn to methods for helping them calm. It also helps with understanding any sensitivity issues.

Honestly, if the school hadn't suggested we get DS tested we wouldn't have. I'm really glad we did, though.

He is also highly imaginative, caring and funny

So is my dd. She’s still ASD though.

No

for example

i have an issue with phones, don’t like them, makes me slightly anxious when I have to phone strangers, but I can suck it up and do them as required.

My DS can’t actually do phones calls without support, he gets so anxious about being understood and not understanding other people that it actually then makes him hard to understand and he’s struggling to follow the conversation because he’s panicking.

or

We both have some sensory issues, I dislike the texture of a couple of foods and I’m not massively keen on tights. I avoid mushrooms, yoghurts and jelly and don’t wear tights if I can help it - but could eat those foods and wear tights if I had no choice, just wouldn’t be thrilled about it.

My DS has a long list of foods that will make him sick if he eats them and has actually caused medical issues with his feet by wearing shoes way to big because ones that fit him properly “hurt”.

My shared traits with him are mild inconveniences to me, to him they have a massive impact.

There are others and then there are lots he has that I don’t, which is why he has a diagnosis and I don’t need one.

Apologies if anyone is offended by me using 'high functioning' - I really don't know what term to use for it and neither do Doctors, it seems.

We were literally told that for all intents and purposes, our son has Asperger's but that they weren't allowed to call it that any more.

I don't know how else to call it, sorry.

“People will refute this but the diagnostic criteria for autism has definitely widened in recent years. “

The literal opposite is true. The DSM5 criteria is tighter than the DSM4 criteria.

The diagnostic criteria exist. But we all know diagnostic criteria change over the years. When it comes to mental health (contrasting with most physical health issues) criteria come to define a condition rather than the other way around. As such it is possible one day someone will decide the criteria have changed and 10% of asd diagnoses are recategorised as NT.

As you say and as the OT implied it rather comes down to how the quirks are affecting one's quality of life. If you have a child that goes to school regularly, completes all work, does what he enjoys (reads extensively), avoids what he doesn't (socialising), is content at home, rarely upset and has the quirks I've mentioned that other people find odd but he doesn't, then where is the medical issue?

Hmm. Sometimes others can see the difficulty when we can't. Especially if we're not NT too! (I realised part way thru my daughters diagnosis and so many things fell into place!)