Autism Vs eccentric personality

[BlooDeBloop]

Context: A health care worker suggested my 12yo DS may have asd. He is socially extremely awkward at school but copes in his way and brushes off taunts etc. There are some anxiety issues we deal with. He is certainly quirky. Many of the males on my side of the family can fairly be described as eccentric or oddball (...actually this is a good description of me too 😆).

Question: what is this autism spectrum that potentially includes my DS at one end and on the other includes non verbal or highly violent people needing full time, respite care into teens and beyond? Or even the more common presentation we see on TV, the rocking, meltdown prone, OCD type of person. I just don't see the connection. Depression presents on a scale but one end looks like the other end just more extreme. ASD is highly variable. Indeed, this is reflected by the commonly quoted 'if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism' i.e. no two cases are the same. If none are the same how can we be sure we're dealing with the same thing when we diagnose and talk about autism?

Can anyone explain?

sounds fab. Better than in the library alone 😆. I'm crossing fingers that next year works out well for DS. There is a DnD group that ds is mad about. It's the only thing that gets him motivated to interact with others because he's realised he can't role play alone 😆😆

OP, I wondered if you've ever thought about whether you might also be on the spectrum? Your bluntness is familiar 😄! Many of us have had moments of revelation when researching ASD / ADHD for our children. For me a diagnosis had quite a profound impact emotionally -the relief of understanding why I found things so hard (and almost didn't even realise how hard I found things - I'd got used to being on the verge of implosion all the time. It made me very sad for what might have been - but also I was able to let go of so much self-blame.

Oh yes, they were all boys, I don’t know if that was by design or not 🤣

My friends DD went to the same school a few years later and they didn’t stick her in with science and board game lovers, she was into art so she was part of an art group (and cats, very very much all about cats, but harder to do a cat group I’d imagine)

I haven't seen this and I will make sure I do. Thank you.

I'm definitely on the quirky spectrum 😆. My frankness today is more about being to the point on an anonymous forum and life stage. After a certain age there comes a freeing where you call a spade a spade. But no, it is true, I have always been prone to putting foot in mouth. Apologies to all.

I am partially joking... but I think they should assess everyone who likes D&D 🤣

My DS goes to a table top gaming group (lots of warhammer and complicated board games) which has an off shoot D&D group - he’s 27 now btw, it’s just a... someone thought it might be fun and organised it on Facebook type group, open to anyone. But we live in a small town and I know people, the last I’d seen there are 5 people in that group with an ASD diagnosis, and that’s just the ones I know of.

People with mental illness or addiction struggle, but most people don’t. A quirky personality or disliking using the phone doesn’t cause daily struggles.

You’ve started to mention impairments that significantly impact functioning eg difficulties in social interaction to the extent that it will restrict his adult life.

Until there is a medical diagnostic test for ND conditions, assessors and assessments will vary. The method of diagnosis, the theories around criteria, the traits and significance of the traits have all changed over the years and will undoubtedly change again

Definitely a flag. Should be on the questionnaire 😆. There are dnd groups that run in the local game shop. Chatting to the organiser, he was laughing about 'so many diversities' in this or that group. I was in stitches. I think it must be the rules based world that hooks them. Much easier to understand than the real world 😁

Well this is it. There are extremely few MH conditions that have diagnostic tests. This is why the whole psychiatric arena is fraught. Criteria change, groups merge or split, thresholds move. It isn't, on the whole, the exact science we would like it to be. That isn't to denigrate anyone with disorders of any kind.

I really recommend you read Ellen Notbohm's third edition book 'Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew'. She cuts through the crap and makes sense. It's a great book for all children/teens/adults btw, not just specifically autistic. I can guarantee that once you glance at any random page you will find a recognition you didn't realise existed.

Slightly off topic OP but how did your ds find d and d groups? My ds wants to try d and after seeing the film but he doesn’t have anyone to play with. From my Facebook research, most of these groups are catered towards adults, not 12 year olds.

Yes, there is always a bit of vagueness, but it comes down to will they be better off getting a potentially not quite correct diagnosis or not?

My DS took a very long time to diagnose, not because they thought he might be NT, but because they couldn’t quite decide which diagnosis to give him.

Until he became a teenager and was really struggling with school - not academically, but every other way and we had to point out that because he had no diagnosis at all, he couldn’t access the support he needed. At that point it didn’t really matter exactly which diagnosis fit him better so much as that he needed one of anything close.

In theory children should get support for difficulties without a diagnosis, in reality though, they don’t always.

It’s also not some horrific thing that affects the rest of their lives if the condition they’re diagnosed with isn’t at that point. My DS discloses it when necessary and doesn’t when it’s not.

We started playing at home with the starter pack. Later he joined a school club in y7 which lasted a few months. We've been buying the books. His younger sister will play and she started at 8. Needs an adult early on to guide them, but after that they make up their own adventures. In Y8 the club should start up again and I've arranged for an after school group in the games shop. If there is nothing in school, you could ask the local games shop. Some do cater for youngsters.

The school isn't really going to need to do anything for my DS, he's very capable BUT it does mean they need to be a bit more understanding. Sometimes bluntness can come across as rudeness, especially as they get older, and although he does need reminding to think before he speaks, it's good to know that they get he can't help it sometimes. It also means that you can ask for things such as quiet time if they start to feel overwhelmed or to be able to keep a fidget toy in their pocket for destressing. These are things that some schools don't allow BUT if they are things that help a child with ASD self-soothe or remain calm and focused in lessons then they have to facilitate it.

Mostly, I'm glad we know before the teen years kick in. Hormones are chaos and in ASD kids it can make things doubly hard. I just feel like we're more prepared to help him get through things.

On the day to day it hasn't affected the way we treat him but we are more accepting/understanding re eg not nagging him to eat new things if he has a textural issue with it/making sure his socks are seam free, not wildly changing plans unless really necessary etc - these little things really help.

As far as social skills go, I do think this is helped by finding like-minded children. We've enrolled DS in an autistic football team and it's so good for him. At school he tends to get on better with slightly younger kids - again, fairly typical. It also helps if there are any bullying issues as schools are more likely to step in.

I flagged for ASD on the parent test. Not surprising to me, we are VERY similar. It's looking likely I too am autistic and I feel almost freed by it. All the years of social anxiety and not coping with stress, the diagnosed OCD which was now not likely to be that at all - I can stop being hard on myself now. I know why I am why I am and that's worth a lot.

Sorry, that's really long. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. LOTS of us have been there and it could turn out that yours doesn't have ASD at all.

Me to a tee! No diagnosis yet but looking likely and it has put SO MUCH into context. All the shirts I've hacked with scissors because they were touching my neck, the hours spent anxiously mulling over every conversation post socialising, the way I sometimes shrink into myself when overwhelmed and how much I LOVED lockdown! All that no-peopling was heaven 😆

By well rounded I mean someone who is stable and has a wide range of skills they’re able to implement to manage their life effectively; especially for managing their emotions and social encounters.

I have an official diagnosis but was told my daughter wouldn’t qualify. Both myself and my daughter have very similar personalities and needs but the main difference is how we are parented.

I was raised by a women who had been severely emotionally, physically and sexually abused. She has ADHD and couldn’t regulate her emotions.She married an abusive partner. I grew up in an unsafe, unloving and volatile environment. I had a victim mindset drilled into me so was always looking for the worst in every situation. Plus, I was taught from a very early age that I had MH issues and couldn’t cope with life. For example, I have a digestive issue and need to eat a specific diet - instead of looking into this I was told by my mother I couldn’t cope with life and was bulimic. Now I eat an appropriate diet this digestive issue has resolved and i no longer vomit every day.

My daughter has two autistic parents who have had a lot of therapy to overcome our childhoods. We have professional careers and alongside our NT colleagues have embraced CPD opportunities around people skills. Her dads a senior manager who regularly works from home so she gets to see him handle a wide range of socialsituations. We model good practice e.g regular exercise and healthy eating, plus we’ve always used her dolls and barbies to role play different social situations.

I was a nervous wreck who thought I was in the wrong whenever I needed to look after my own needs. My daughter has a safe and secure home life, she hasn’t been raised to be afraid of people. Shes incredibly sociable and knows everyone is different with individual needs. Shes happy in her own skin and meeting her own needs e.g scheduling a quiet day after a play date as she knows she’ll have a social hangover.

My daughter has a safe and secure home life, she hasn’t been raised to be afraid of people. Shes incredibly sociable and knows everyone is different with individual needs. Shes happy in her own skin and meeting her own needs e.g scheduling a quiet day after a play date as she knows she’ll have a social hangover

So was mine. Still ASD though. Still caused her to burn out and drop out of education at 17

Psychiatrists and paediatricians (both medical doctors) diagnose autism on the NHS where I live, clinical psychologists tended to just do private diagnoses here but are often used now by the NHS to shorten the waiting lists.

Senior psychologists do it round me.

But don't confuse autism with mental health conditions. Mental health conditions are curable or controllable with therapy and/or drugs, autism is not.

So was mine. Still ASD though. Still caused her to burn out and drop out of education at 17

Sorry to hear that @ArseInTheCoOpWindow

My daughter also has a safe and secure home, loving parents, good role models etc, but things started to get much harder once at secondary. My daughter is still at school, year 10 this year, with lots of reasonable adjustments in place. ‘Scheduling a quiet day’ after a busy one and things like that isn’t quite so easy as you enter the later teen and adult years. The world isn’t really set up for autistic kids/adults. If your child does have autism, it’s very likely that at some point, regardless of how well rounded or stable they appear at the moment, they will reach a breaking point. You sound clueless to be honest but again, I think thd whole point of the thread is to be the inflammatory and your later responses really show that.

@MissingPiecesOfThePuzzle thank you. It’s been horrible. She got 9 GCSE levels 8 and 9. But couldn’t cope with A levels. She’s recovering, but the fight for an EHCP is just miserable.

So was mine. Still ASD though. Still caused her to burn out and drop out of education at 17

What was it about being autistic that caused her to burn out?

Im conscious that autistic people aren’t 2d figures and like their peers also have external factors that negatively impact their performance.

I’m used to working with students who burn out when;

1.Theyve taken on too much e.g too many credits (or GCSEs at once)
2.They have a MH condition or additional disability (such as depression or ADHD) that needs addressing for them to have the headspace for their studies
3.They have undiagnosed disabilities, such as visual stress, and aren’t receiving the support they need for this. E.g a student with visual stress who doesn’t use overlays on their computer will experience rapid fatigue when they work

By the time most autistic students reach HE less than 1 in 4 register with disability services. Of that 25% it’s only a handful of students who actually need regular support. When you look at the actual data, rather than the false narrative that is often reported, it isn’t normal for an autistic person to struggle with their studies

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Well done to her for those GCSE results. Her wellbeing is the priority though and I’m glad to here she’s recovering. Can she look to the future and think what might be ahead for her or is she not able to? Obviously don’t answer if that’s too personal. 💐

I fear that may happen with my daughter too, she’s predicted high grades at GCSE, but will she cope with the stress? And college is a whole other worry. My son has just finished his A levels (results tomorrow 😬) and I just don’t know how the whole college experience will be for my daughter. It’s very much one day at a time at the moment. I hope she’s able to cope with GCSE stress, but if she can’t, we’ll take her out of school and deal with what comes.

We’re also trying to get an EHCP, school are not the most helpful with it, it’s a bloody struggle so I hear you on that.