How do you deal with very different dietary needs?

[Enko]

How do you deal with different almost opposing dietary needs within your household?

I am not here talking one a vegetarian one not as you can still combine a lot of foods that way.

I have a friend who is celiac and she has a fairly different meal style to the rest of her family. They still manage about 50% they can eat as a family.

What does others do? Do you simply eat completely separately?

I'm about to go out so wont respond quickly. I have deliberately been vague as I dont want advice on what we both should eat. Im interested in how people cope with completely different diets with little cross over

We are a multi allergy household. We try and adapt most meals to be suitable for all or with little differences. Probably 1-2 times a week we have completely separate meals. Last night we cooked 4 elements to the meal and all had a different combination of food.

@Koalaslippers that's kinda what I do with dd who is veggie. However I've personally been told I got to cut down on most of the things dh insists on having for his diabetic diet. I cant see how it will work as what I will need to add in are the things he doesnt do as they send him to sleep. I guess it's separate meals going forward.

What kind of food that your diabetic partner eats, have you been told to cut down on?

A diabetic diet should be able to align with most other eating plans - of course not every dish, but there's enough 'normal' food in common that most meals should be shareable. Are his specifics about going to sleep etc actually diabetic requirements or him being picky? And are yours also medically recommended?

We have allergies and cultural specific requirements in our house, and still manage fine. Same with my relative with coeliac disease. The only families I know who truly can't find many shared meals are ones where most are omnivores and one's a vegan, or where they've been to dodgy nutritionists/the internet and got recommended weird faddy diets.

I cook three different meals most days - DH eats mainly veggie, but sometimes our meals crossover. DD is autistic and has a very specific, limited diet.

I get round this by 1) having a night a week where I refuse to cook. if we eat sandwiches or take out so be it 2) I batch cook a lot and 3) try to have at least 1-2 nights where at least two people eat the same thing.

I also have the ipad and wine to keep me from crying in the kitchen 🙂

Dp eats a very strict diet, under consultant guidance which is primarily keto. It's not been a problem, he has extra veg instead of pots or veg with pasta sauce/ cauli rice with curry/chilli. He makes alt 'bread' with cheese if he wants a sandwich or pizza.

We've all adjusted to using cream instead of milk and different thickeners instead of cornflour, homemade mayo and ketchup etc.

I couldn't even contemplate cooking separate meals when most can be adapted.

I just cook a few different elements and maybe one person will have a bit of everything and others have the parts they can eat. Other people can't believe I cook so much different things at dinner time but it's always things that take the same amount of time usually or can be left on the heat while the other things finish and I've been doing this for a few years so it's no big deal to me.

As I said in the first post I was deliberately being vague as I did not want to go down the route of "dh ought to do XYZ" It near drove us to divorce when he was first diagnosed and I am not opening that can of worm again.

I have been told I need to cut down on dairy and cholesterol-high foods. Add to this I suffer badly from IBS and I have trickers that make some foods complex and this has been a bit of a "ok what do I do now." That was why I asked how others deal with widely different diets. That is the part I am interested in. not in what diet dh or I should be following. I can work that part out myself. However, from what I am reading here many do end up cooking separately.

I think to a certain extent you just have to accept that eating and bonding over mealtimes is not a thing in your relationship. Food is more functional.

Also for those asking "yes mine has been medically advised.

I grew up in Scandinavia food is kinda the basis of most relationships :) Think Italian mamas with pork and pastry 😃

I totally get that, and I’m the same, and I have struggled with this with my DH’s dietary issues. But really you cannot force a square peg into a round hole. So you’d probably be happier making your peace with it.

My DH and DD definitely see food as a necessity in the evening, not a social occasion. They eat in the lounge and I eat alone at the table most nights. It used to bother me but now I see it as a bit of peace!! And when we do eat together they definitely make more of an effort.

I agree with PP, make peace with the situation and figure out how to make it work for you.

I havn't cooked for DH for years. I got fed up with having to do all the thinking/buying/cooking/clearing up and him complaining. So he does his own, and I do mine.
We have different preferences both in terms of what to eat and when so we are both happier this way.

Its only food, its not love.

In my family half have coeliac disease, the other half don't. All dinners are gluten free then, because then everyone can eat the same thing which makes a lot more sense than making two different dinners.

In your case I would do the same, or at least make the main part of the meal suiting your requirements and perhaps then side dishes that suit your partner.

We eat dinner together every night at the same time. 2-4 days a week we'll eat the same meal. The rest of the time we cook our own.

I aim to cook several different dishes, so a couple of veg sides, some Dahl, maybe some meat, maybe something egg or cheese based, some sort of carb so potatoes or rice.

What I don't do though is cook them all on one day, so we have a sort of rolling selection of leftovers 😬

If I'm doing spag Bol or vegetable chilli I'll usually cook green beans or roast cauliflower for those who don't want pasta.

And sometimes I'll just knock out the beige food for whoever wants it and the others get a curry!

I have a friend who is coeliac, lactose intolerant and vegetarian. Her husband will sometimes turn around and cook a steak for himself, but as no one else in the house cooks, they have what she serves up - two of her children are 22 and 14, so more than capable if they want anything else.

When DD1 was vegan for a while I would cook the vegetables first and remove her portion, fe with a chilli or bolognaise.

I get the bit about not disclosing specifics!
I have DH on a very, very restricted diet. The rest of us can eat anything, but following the restricted diet all the time would not be healthy, affordable or sensible.
We do a mix of things. Sometimes dinner is something we can all eat. Sometimes he can eat ours with a bit of modification, eg cooking a separate carbohydrate, only adding problem ingredients at the last minute. Other nights he just prepares his own thing. We have a large freezer full of batch cooked things for him.
It's a slow learning process though, it takes time to discover the right recipes, helpful ingredients etc.
We have an instant pot and an air fryer which both really help when there are often multiple things being cooked.

In my house 3 out of the 4 of us are autistic and we are picky eaters. I'm also a veggie and I don't like eggs, cheese etc.
It means preparing 4 separate meals but tbh I'm used to it and I'd rather that nobody goes hungry.
I think its possible to make just one dish for very different diets but it's a case of being scrupulously careful.

I have to deal with one allergy and one mild intolerance. I tend to cook one meal but accept I may on occasions have to make two sides etc. I try however to ensure it's one dish with small variations if necessary as I don't have the time or headspace for more!