Womanly advice

[Purplecandles]

I am just posting this to get things straight in my head and try to encourage me to have more motivation and positivity about things.
Been through a lot of trauma the past while and its taken a tole on me.
That along with really disliking the people I work with and crying everyday about my job and hopefully soon going through a medical procedure I'm a bit flat about everything. Also, I've realised that I'm lonely and im fat. Ive always been fat and I have no female friends to call on and that gets me down. So this is a list of ideas to try and help me along, like trying to be my own best friend ...

• get new less stressful job, hopefully with nicer people that actually respect me and maybe even make friends
• enjoy simpler life, stop comparing to others, come off Facebook so no triggers with hateful people
• do a little housework every day so not overwhelmed
• be fussier about buying clothes etc, wait and get less and better quality to feel nicer
• take more pride in appearance, get hair cut, wear make up
• stop making lists! That I never get to the end of and then get stressed. Just don't write them, only if absolutely necessary
• get outside everyday, even just sit outside with coffee and be still
• enjoy things, don't rush as much, take time to enjoy making dinner, doing shopping etc
• eat better, this is always hard but needs to be done. Start some sort of exercise
• smile and be friendly to people, even if it's not reciprocated

This is so long, but feel better for writing it. Is there anything else? Or any advice you would give to a fat, flat friend?

Concentrate on one thing on the list at a time to avoid getting overwhelmed then not doing any of it. For example, I've recently quit smoking, and once I'm sorted with that, I'm moving on to getting more active by leaving the house 6 days out of 7.

stop making lists! That I never get to the end of and then get stressed. Just don't write them, only if absolutely necessary

This made me smile, firstly because it's halfway down a big fucking list and I'm the same. I have long lists of food I want to cook, things I want to do, things I have to do, work lists, places I want to go, walks I want to do, etc etc etc.

They're all in spreadsheets and I spend ages reviewing my lists. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just deleted them all.

1 thing at a time is a good point mabelface. The overwhelm is real sometimes.
I laughed when I read your message barbra then re read mine again. I do like writing lists but get so stressed when half the stuff isn't done so re write the list to make it pretty again and so it continues ... lol live dangerously and delete the damn things!

Sorry that you have been through a tough period op! Good for you for wanting to change things up a bit op!

Agree with pp that that is a lot of things to change all at once!

A few thoughts:

-I don’t know your circumstances but I can’t help thinking that it’s a bad idea to look to make friends at work. Personally, I like to keep personal & professional separate. But obviously it’s a good idea to start working towards changing your workplace if you are so unhappy there. But if you start to build up your friendship group outside of work, by joining a choir or a hobby group, then you are not putting all of your eggs in one basket.

-Personally, I like a list, as it makes me feel more in control. How about though creating a « pizza » chart and just working on one or two « slices » a week, such as social life/hobby, exercise/walking, weight loss/food prep. Note that I have tried to get more specific goals in each category. It’s a less overwhelming way to make progress perhaps?

-one thing I would add is a daily gratitude journal. I thought it was a bit silly when I started mine, but it really makes a difference to one’s mood!

Good luck 💐

You definitely seemed to make made yourself a list! I find list helpful if you actually follow them.

Take it one step at a time. Start small for your healthy eating one start having a glass of water with every meal.

Do you think counselling would help?

It's a long list with no actionable points. Makes me anxious just looking at it 😜

Take one item on the list and split it into things you can actually do.

Let's take the housework one. You want to do a little bit each day.

1. Put a Swedish dishcloth at every sink and give it a quick wipe when you wash your hands.
2. Place antibacterial surface wipes next to and use them every time you use the toilet.
3. Squeegee your shower/bath after use.
4. Pick things up as you walk past them and put them away, not down. If something needs to go into the room you're going to, take it with you.
5. Pick things up off the floor in the living room every night, or every other night if it's not so bad. Any more than that, it will take more than ten minutes and you won't want to do it.
6. Keep your kitchen sides and sink clear of things that don't need to be there. "The side" is verboten for non-kitchen things.

This is a list of things you can do to actually act upon your goal, rather than vague directives and shoulds. I used the house as an example because you see it every day, and it's directly observable, rather than abstract. You can see the sink being cleaner, and it's encouraging. An abstraction like "enjoying things more" isn't directly measurable, so you'll feel like you haven't made any progress if you start with it.

Hope that helps.

Update your CV, speak to a recruiter and start job hunting in earnest

I've been to different counsellors over the years and I'm fed up talking about stuff. Time is moving on and I just want to move on too. Bad things happened, but bad things are not happening right now.
I get that I need to be more purposeful in my goals, break them down and have achievable actions.
The friends thing, I think that's partly why I dislike my workplace so much, I had high hopes of friendship and I'm disappointed. Even basic respect to me seems to be hard work for them. They are horrible people. Hubby runs a business and im very involved in it so friends at my own workplace is something I want as I'm so busy. But joining groups would be nice, in the future.
I've a lot to do! Think the job and the healthy eating are the biggies.

I wonder if you've been reading those Pinterest posts '31 habits of organized women' or similar. I get drawn to those sometimes and just end up feeling a failure because I don't do them. It's like another stick to beat ourselves with when we are not 'perfect'.
Look at your list and decide which is a priority - job and friends are separate items btw. Focus on that and add in a couple of easy wins each week eg book hair appointment, go for walk, keep the kitchen sink clear.

I like 3 simple goals a day x