Do you ever feel like you only socialise with people like yourself?

[Saphiron]

It seems that my friends and all my friends friends are the same as us. Oxbridge educated and in professional London jobs. You could put me in a room full of people and somehow I’d end up talking to the only other person who went to my university or in my profession. I want to be able to have a wider array of friends, but this always seems to happen.

I wonder, are other people equally drawn to people similar to themselves? If you are a postman or a nurse, are your friends very similar to yourselves?

Another one with friends from a wide variety of backgrounds and circumstances here. That includes families, couples, singles. People who live local to me and those who don't. People who are much more financially secure and wealthy than us, people in similar circumstances and people with less security. Different ethnic backgrounds, and sexual orientations. Different areas of origin across the country. Different jobs/sectors etc. All sorts. My friends I made through sixth-form, uni, through DH, through work, through friends of friends, through playgroups, through my DC, through my DPs...

Op have you not retained any friends from school or Uni friends who did something different at Uni or their life?

What are your hobbies?

I have friends from high school and (not Oxbridge) Uni who became lawyers, doctors, actresses, support workers, SAHPs in the none posh sense, CEO of charities, teachin assistants, environmental workers.

I volunteer at Scouts with an accountant and a receptionist at the local opticians.

I volunteer for Samaritans with people from across the country, from all walks of life, from 18 to 85. We all just pitch in, rarely talk about jobs and Universities and salaries. We talk about life, interests, music, TV, families.

You need to get out more.

I’ve made friends from work and hobbies and even school that I don’t have everything in common with - all different backgrounds, ethnicities, incomes, job types, upbringings.
You don’t have to have everything in common with someone to be a friend. It’s good to have differences to chat about! You might be surprised at how much you have in common despite jobs/income/ethnicity etc.

I do think it can be harder in towns though, can be very cliquey in towns.

@Saphiron I think it can be hard to make new friends as an adult and so it's the repetitive contact over long periods of time and shared experiences that builds it. I have friends from uni, through my old partner, my husband, my kids, the local sports clubs DH or DD attends, and lots from work. They are all so different but I think it's about finding the common ground that you can relate on and building it out.

Working for a global company is great as you meet people all over the world so I regularly travel to see friends from work overseas which is a treat. Another way it's from travelling or starting a new hobby like book club, running club.

What I find hard about this though is that with work and kids and stuff, my free time is so limited I do end up seeing the people nearest to my home or those I work with most of all. Which can make me feel quite claustrophobic sometimes.

And sometimes I've made friends who weren't really friends at all. I love everyone and always see the best. It's only when they are suddenly giving me a presentation on a pyramid scheme or duping me into having their kids I know I've been had!

It's a weird world but for me if you've read any Brene Brown books I feel that the most important aspect of life is connection with other people.

Go out there and see what happens! Most people are lovely when you get to know them.

Why?

I don't mean that in a ride way
I mean genuinely, what is motivating you to want a wider circle of friends?

For me its more about what can I learn from the person with regards to what subjects they know, and obviously then I can converse with them about similar topics of interest.

@Saphiron
That said as a side note in your view what makes oxbridge different, is it really the cream so to speak, or is it more the perceived reputation , ?

Well, I’m one of those Oxford-educated professionals, but as I am also the daughter of a cleaner and a mechanic, I do actually exist in a world where I don’t rule out meaningful relationships with anyone who doesn’t know what noughth week is.

I think it depends on how variable your life is. If you have a lot of different sides in you it helps you to meet different people and then some of them might become your friends. However similar background/experiences help to understand each other so you often end up with people similar to you again. It’s what usually happens to me. I can chat with anyone during the evening but my close friends have very similar background.